I just recently saw this video of Oprah Winfrey discussing her pregnancy at age 14. I had no idea she had ever been pregnant as a young girl. Did you?
I knew she had been sexually abused and promiscuous, which she mentions in the video, but had no clue that her decisions and abuse led her to an unwanted pregnancy.
Can you imagine what a young, scared, 14 year-old black girl in the South, during the 1960s, must have felt? Total fear. Total desperation. She admits, in the clip, a horrific outcome, which was that she actually considered suicide.
I’m not the world’s biggest Oprah fan. I admire her for her charity work and what she has accomplished in a wordly sense, which is unmatched. I do disagree with her in regards to God, faith, and the purpose of life in general, but can you imagine a world with no Oprah?
She mentions “second chances” in the video, which got me thinking about the biggest second chance God ever gave me.
I was once in a toxic and extremely unhealthy relationship with a man that I felt I could never escape from. It took me leaving my college, moving across the country, and cutting all ties in order for me to break free from him. At the time, doing all of those things seemed like the most heartbreaking choice I could make. I felt as though my world was being ripped out from under me.
Looking back, however, I don’t see how there could have been any other way. God knew that and He knew that the only way for me to gain my so-called “second chance” was to break my heart and my life apart in the process.
I wonder who or what Oprah would have become had she not received that second chance, which sadly occurred because her baby died. I wonder who I would have become, had I not escaped that harmful relationship at the cost of my home and life in another state. There is no way to know, but it makes me wonder…Please consider the following questions. I’d love to hear your response:
Do you think God has ever allowed, in your life or someone’s you know, an event to take place that seemed horrible and insurmountable, only to have it taken away? Then, after the difficulty has been removed, your eyes were suddenly opened to the possibilities that lay ahead? What has been your biggest “second chance”?
Livin it. LOL
When my husband left me, I really truly thought that this was the most horrific thing that could happen to me. And, to my kids. And for the most part, I still believe that because our home is divided, we are apart, and my kids and I are suffering.
HOWEVER. I have a very, very strong faith that God will put before me a silver lining, if you will, to these massive thunderstorm clouds. So I keep praying, and I keep loving God and believing there IS a purpose, there IS a good to come of this evil.
I don’t think God wanted my husband to leave me. I should make that clear. But, in his present state (which, for those readers who don’t know and to the groans of all who do, is a mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder, of which I will be happy to answer bazillions of questions about 24/7!) he’s a danger to us, especially to me. To MY mental well being. It’s extremely hard on the caretaker of these individuals — that’d be me. I sometimes wondered if I was going to escape with my own sanity intact.
Obviously, God has a lot more faith in ME than I have in myself, because everyone else sees me as determined and strong and wonderful, and I just see myself loving him like I said I would, in sickness and in health, regardless.
So anyway, the silver lining. At Christmas, I’m sure you can imagine, I was nearly laid flat by my grief. A holiday season without the man I love, watching my children watch the DOOR on Christmas morning, a family meal prepared by thine own hands, and no daddy. It hurt. So I started thinking. Obviously, I hope he gets the right kind of therapy (which is nearly a joke in this country, just for the record), and gets well and comes home. Obviously. But, in the meantime, am I harming myself and my children in the waiting? And the answer was a sucky YES. So my resolution this year was to DO ME. Funny term, dumb song, but my motto. I am going to find my joy, learn to be happy alone. I am going to to things for me, and help my children learn to do the same. We joined a gym, and we’re having fun with that, my whole little family unit. We read a Bible verse every day. We pick more and cry less. And we do it all without him.
If he ever comes home, we’ll work on that then. I did not/will not file for divorce. I do not /will not date. But I don’t have to sit and watch the window every day waiting for him to come back and make us all whole again. We can do that on our own.
So, big yeah. It WAS horrible and it IS sad, but it’s also good because now we’re learning to find our joy without any help from anyone but God. :)
Ade
Your comment was the first thing I read this morning while still laying in bed. It brought tears to my eyes.
I think you said it so beautifully when you said, “But I don’t have to sit and watch the window every day waiting for him to come back and make us all whole again. We can do that on our own.” It is sad, yes, but you are recognizing how God can use the time.
The verse that comes to my mind is Joseph, after his own brothers tried to kill him says “you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.” The evil done to us, or the horrible circumstances that fall into our laps are still redeemable by our awesome God. You are living, daily proof of that. May you continue to see God’s hand of mercy, grace, love, and encouragement as you spend more time on you and your children.
Love you Ade.
Thank you Nicole! I love you too. One of the best things I do for myself AND my relationship with God is to read this blog every day. You inspire me to want to think more, be more, do more. I find myself thinking back on what you wrote at the gym, while cooking supper, unloading the dishwasher. It’s amazing how written words from someone far away can seep into your brain and leek back out when they need to. :)
Ade
Wow. What a great compliment and so encouraging. I needed that today, so thank you friend.
Ade,
thank you SO much for writing the best non-Nicole post on MR I have ever read. I am so proud of you. You are so NOT conformed to this world in your righteous perspectives. You speak Truth about life and suffering and the proper perspective of it all. You understand the Truth about marriage the way God invented it and the importance of honoring the vows you made to God.
Most people in your position today think little or nothing of the nature of the commitment they made on their wedding day. Your “did not / will not” and “do not / will not” will continue to face opposition from those who seek the world’s version of happiness apart from God’s wisdom and authority. But your understanding and obedience to your King truly will bring you both eternal rewards and rewards in this life as you persevere in faith and hope in Him.
You are a champion of the Truth. Bless you for shining brightly in the midst of your dark circumstances. This is truly glorifying God in your life. Most folks who read your contribution will not reply, but you can bet that many, including myself, will pray for you.
I definitely think God allows these kind of events to happen in our lives as a way of opening our eyes. While my event isn’t quite as dramatic as yours or Ade’s, it did change my life. I was 23 years old when I moved to Dallas after college. I had only been there a month, but I had already placed myself in a lifestyle that was destructive and irresponsible. It took literally being dropped on my face after a day of drinking with friends to wake me up. After spending a Sunday afternoon at a hospital, alone, because all my new ‘friends’ abandoned me, I finally woke up. I had a broken nose and dented forehead, but God had my attention. I finally realized that was not the life I wanted. That next Sunday I found an amazing church, and I haven’t looked back. It seems strange to people that I look at that event as God showing me grace, but I am sure that nothing less would have reached me at that point.
Jennifer,
I’d say that is pretty dramatic and so like God. You literally fell on your face? God does know how to get our attention and wake us up, doesn’t He? That must have been a sobering (no pun intended) and eye-opening experience.
I am glad that you were so quick to listen, realize, and return to Him. Amen!
Ade, That is so kind and mature of you… (mature in a super amazing way, not old…lol) and yes I have read some of your previous posts. I admire you greatly for putting God,yourself and your children above the feelings you must feel.
You will be so richly blessed because of this decision to be strong, supportive, do what God wants you to do, grow yourself and love your kids. Instead of constantly sad and vengeful towards your husband and your situation.
I am so happy for this new post and I hope you have a wonderful day! Also… something about working out and the gym just lifts you up and helps.. and it’s a great example for your kids and good they are a part of it. In fact I often love to read some of my books such as this week was one of Family Matters books Little House on the Freeway. I leave so inspired and so peaceful workout to while on the elliptical AND have time with God… or good advice which is hard to find time for as a single mom for sure!
Of course other times I just crank the music and have fun… we all need that too!
The events surrounding my separation and divorce from my wife were the stimulus for a new life for me. Many of the reasons for the divorce was my fault, but it doesn’t help to lay too much blame. For myself, and for my relationship, I had reached a breaking point, and I made some terrible decisions that effected my job and my marriage.
In the rubble that I was left with that summer, I got my second chance, which I attribute to no one but God. I was able to start a new life here in the UAE, with new surroundings, new friends, new world. My family and friends back in the States supported me morally, and eventually I put my life back together. The amazing second chance that God gave me taught me a lot about love, forgiveness, myself, and the world around me. Like someone above said, it’s not that the events were good, but they led to good, like your Joseph example. I’m not “happy” I got a divorce, but I’m happy with the life I have now. I’m happy, in love, and things are better than they ever were before. I thank God for my second chance.
blessings,
Josh
PS. Thanks for the blogroll mention! :) Awesome!
I believe God has given me tons of second chances. I have learned over the past 2 years of being a believer that I am the type of person to question everything, argue everything, and live life through ‘seeing how things go’. This has gotten me in some dark areas in life, but God always has a way of getting my attention. I am also pretty freakin’ stubborn. I know God loves me the way I am and He is using my characteristics to help those around me as well.