“I’m participating in a blog series hosted by Ally Spotts called Confessions of a 20-Something Christian, where 20-Somethings get honest about their lives, loves and regrets. My confession is…
I had sex long before marriage. And here’s why…
Unfortunately, one of the defining characteristics of Christians (as defined by other Christians, of course) is that we remain virgins until marriage.
Heck, that alone explains why so many Christians get married young–they can’t wait to have sex. But then there’s me.
I didn’t wait until marriage because no one told me not to. Sounds a bit over-simplified, I know, but it’s the truth. I did not grow up hearing “Don’t have sex.” I was told about the mechanics of sex at any early age and then told to use protection when I was older.
The saddest part, is that I never actually wanted to have sex. I didn’t become a Christian until I was almost 17 and by then I’d already lost my virginity.
All along the way though, I never felt right about sex. I always had a feeling that what I was doing something wrong, dirty, or shameful. I went along with it because, well, it’s what all the cool kids were doing…
No, that’s a lie. It’s not what all the cool kids were doing. I had sex because I was looking for something…I was a cliche. I was a girl with an absent father and a strained relationship with her stepfather. I was a girl desperate for affection, love, and acceptance. And instead of knowing how to find those things in healthy ways, I sought out physical relationships to fill the void.
I had daddy issues which resulted in promiscuity and eventual heartache. All I wanted was for someone to say to me “Nicole, you know you don’t have to do this. It’s okay to stop.” And then I met Jesus. He gave me permission to say “No.”
I know now why God tells us to wait. I know why it is important that Christians be defined as pure and holy, not because other believers set up some man-made guidelines of sexual purity, but because God calls us to be holy as He is holy.
I know now how much sex outside of marriage–before marriage–can affect sex within marriage. We are not meant to physically share ourselves with anyone but our spouse because in doing so we create emotional bonds that are not so easily broken.
But here is what else I know–God forgives. The moment I asked for His forgiveness I was washed white as snow. I was a virgin in His eyes. No shame. No guilt. No condemnation. I was free to stop sinning. I was empowered to stop sinning.
The fact that I had sex before marriage could count against me in the “Perfect Christian” awards, but I see it a just another overwhelming and humbling expression of God’s grace and redemption. I don’t have the neat and tidy testimony, free of sin and shame, but I do have a God who redeemed my story and made it His own.
I confess: I didn’t wait until marriage, but God never stopped waiting for me…and never will.
What is your confession? Do you share mine? There is no judgment and no condemnation here. Feel free to share as openly and honestly as you’d like. Jump over to Ally’s blog to read more confessions, as well.