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How My Husband Leads…

Besides people writing me to ask about sex in marriage, the other topic people very often write me about is my own marriage. I have had many young people (and some older) express to me gratitude and thanks for writing so candidly about my marriage.

They have told me how reading about my marriage has encouraged them to believe in marriage for themselves and to not give up hope in thinking that God really can bring them an ideal spouse.

Along those lines, however, I often have young women ask me about the whole submission thing. They feel threatened, nervous, and defensive when it comes to discussing the topic. They seem unsure as to how they could possibly submit to a man and allow him to serve as the leader of their home.

Of course, these are two different subject and I am not going to attempt to address either of them today. Sorry. For today’s intents and purposes, I’m simply going to state that in my home, my husband is the head (if today’s comments prove titillating, I may write a separate post asking should husbands lead).

And to those women who question the thought of a man leading their home, I submit to you my very own husband. My husband leads and he leads well. His leading blesses me and our marriage as a whole. Here’s how he does it…

He is undoubtedly, every time, without question the first to apologize, even if I was in the wrong. He is the first to seek reconciliation.

He has never once raised his voice to me.

He tells me, and then shows me, that our marriage is his number one ministry.

He tells our children, and then shows them, that mom and dad’s marriage is his number one ministry.

He regularly checks in with me to see how he is doing as a husband and father. He asks where he can improve and always receives any suggestions with humility and kindness.

He knows when to be firm with me without ever demeaning me, fathering me, or patronizing me.

He fully supports my dreams, in all areas, and is willing to sacrifice his own needs to help me achieve those dreams.

He never speaks poorly of me.

He never speaks poorly of our marriage.

He never speaks poorly of marriage, in general.

He respects my mind and my body.

He submits to Christ.

He attempts every single day to love me as Christ loves the church.

He does not ask, “How can Nicole serve me,” but rather “How can I serve Nicole?”

He makes decisions with me and in prayer, not as some rogue agent.

He does not lead from a place of self-satisfaction or self-exaltation, but from a place of self-sacrifice.

He honors me. 1 Peter 3:7

He does not just lead his family, but he also pastors his family.

He prioritizes me and our children above work, friends, and other commitments.

He is consistent in his actions, attitude, and dedication to us.

He knows that parenting is a two-person job.

He emphasizes our children’s character, not just their achievements.

He is, at times, annoyingly patient and unbelievably kind.

He makes me feel safe and protected.

He never accuses me or brings up old wrongs.

He tells me he loves me again and again.

He represents Christ’s love to our family each and every day.

Now, I know, my husband may sound like he has a big “S” burned into his chest, but let me assure you, he’s not Superman. He’s not perfect, but he is perfect for me and he does make an effort to serve his family each and every day. And for that, I am beyond grateful. So now, I turn it over to you…

Wives, how does your husband lead? Husbands, how do you lead? Where can you improve and where has God grown you?

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