I Am a Prodigal Daughter

Most of us who have been in the church for any amount of time have read the story of the prodigal son.  A young man, sets out on his own, only to squander his inheritance, forcing him to return to his father’s home, broken and penniless.We have perhaps even heard a few sermons preached on this parable. And from time to time, we may have even heard others (or even ourselves) refer to people we know as “prodigals.”

What we usually mean when we say this, is that so-and-so had walked away from Lord, but has now returned. They came back to the Lord, just like the son who returned home in the parable Jesus spoke.

I used the word prodigal from time to time and I’m embarrassed to admit, I didn’t really know what it meant. I assumed I knew and that was enough. Until one day, I heard a wiser older Christian in my life explain that when you run across a word in scripture that you don’t know, you should find a dictionary and look it up.

How novel, I thought. How very elementary school.

But one day, when reading my Bible, I found myself at the story of the prodigal son. Of course, the word “prodigal” isn’t actually used in scripture, but I suddenly had the idea to find that oh-so-childish-dictionary.

I was surprised to find that the word “prodigal” actually has nothing to do with the concept of returning or coming back to anywhere. In fact, it means something different all together.

But what is perhaps even more surprising, is that the real definition of “prodigal” did apply to me. I was a prodigal daughter and all that time, I had had no idea.

I was a prodigal daughter because just like the definition says, I was: Continue reading I Am a Prodigal Daughter

The Impossible Task of Blogging

I’m sitting at my computer, staring at my screen, debating once more about exactly what it is that I should write. It is 11:20 p.m. I have a glass of wine in one hand and some candy corn in the other (don’t judge me).

I had scrapped one post idea, only to start…and then stop writing another. I had an entire whole long weekend to write something, anything, and yet…nothing. “Why do I do this to myself,” I ask? My husband, sitting next to me, just smiles.

You see, this whole business of blogging is somewhat impossible for me. On the outside, it appears that I am on top of things, but nothing could be further from the truth.

I frequently run into Modern Reject readers who say, “I don’t know how you do it! You’re amazing!” I nod and acknowledge that, while yes, I am quite amazing, I’m not as amazing as you might think. In fact, I’m pretty sub-par. Continue reading The Impossible Task of Blogging

I’m No Movie Star

Today’s post is part of a blog series sponsored by Prodigal Magazine, which seeks to answer the question: What Does it Mean to Live a Good Story? I’m honored to take part and hope that you will visit some of the other talented and gifted bloggers participating, as well.

I suppose I wasn’t very different from most other teenagers I knew. I wasn’t concerned with being good, so much as fitting in, which showed itself in my willingness to drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, and have sex with my boyfriend. I never felt good about these choices, but they brought me happiness…or rather, acceptance.

Like any 16 year-old, I was consumed with myself. Teenagers are notoriously self-centered and I was no exception. My story was all about me. The story I lived to share, and longed to share, was my own. If my life was a movie (and what 16 year old doesn’t on some level believe their life actually is a movie), I was the star. It was my name I desired to see up in lights.

Forget Angelina, Charlize, Reese. I was the main character of my own film. It was a blockbuster, written by, directed by, and starring me.

I remember how the need for attention would swell up inside of me. I remember how I would position myself, negotiate situations so that I might fall into the limelight. I loved the feeling of walking into a room and people taking notice. Looking back, I’m ashamed to admit that I lived for that kind of adoration.

But, one month shy of my 17th birthday, I met the Man who would begin to tell me an entirely different story. Continue reading I’m No Movie Star

Friday Findings: Evangelicals and Honey Bees, Dating is Dead, and Checklists

Frieday Findings on Modern RejectHappy Friday, although my Friday is more like “Meh Friday.” My family was struck with the stomach flu on Wednesday night. My husband and I awoke to 2:30 a.m. toddler barf. By the next day, all of us were feeling miserable. Ugh. But, today, I’m on the mend, just still not feeling %100.

I did, however, find some great reads this week that I can’t wait to share. Without further ado…My Friday Findings:

More on the Gay Debate. A piece from Relevant Magazine, that covers both sides of the argument. A fast, but thorough read.

The Disappearance of Bees…and Evangelicals. My husband directed me to this post from Jamal Jivangee’s blog. After reading his amazing post relating Christians to honey bees (it’s soooo good), I found myself reading another after another. Jamal is a member of an organic church, as am I and he has an entire section of his blog dedicated to organic church, if you’re interested.

A fresh voice on Christian dating. I discovered Cory Copeland’s blog, Mad to Love, a few weeks ago and subscribed right away.  Cory writes about many issues within the church (right now he’s running a series on, what else, the gay debate) but what I love about him is his fresh, honest, and funny approach on dating and relationships. Check out this post, called “Is Dating Dead?” for example. Great stuff.

God Doesn’t Use Checklists. This is a great post on how we judge ourselves and others, but what we really need is grace. Kristin, the author, writes: “I’m trying to make sense of the tangled mess that’s created when my relationship with God gets all confused with my relationship with Christians.”

Stalk me, why dontcha? Did you hear that the Internet phenom, Pinterest, just raised $120 million and received a $1.5 billion valuation? Yes, $1.5 billion! Some people foresee Pinterest surpassing Facebook. I highly doubt that, but I understand the prediction because I am a self-professed Pin-aholic. I love pinning. There, is said it and if you find yourself on Pinterest too, why not stalk me? We can be pinning friends. Oh, and if you’d really like a sneak peek into my life, find me on Instagram too, as @modernreject!

Mend Mark Giveaway Winner. And lastly, the winner of the Mend Mark t-shirt giveaway is Wendy Ramirez. Congrats Wendy!

So, what did you discover this week? Read anything amazing, challenging, funny, or lame? Share away!

Friday Findings: California or Bust

Happy Friday and what a happy Friday it is, indeed. Why? Well, I’m currently in California with my husband and kiddos. We’ve been here for a few days and have a few more days to go.

So, to that end, I’m taking a mini-break from the blog until Monday. I’ll be back on Tuesday, however, with a brand spankin’ new post, sure to delight.

Here’s a glimpse into my California getaway: Continue reading Friday Findings: California or Bust

Vanity, Forfeiting, and a Little Thing Called “Baby Weight”

No one ever told me that marriage, and then motherhood, would systematically alter my self-esteem. My husband is amazing, beyond amazing actually. He does not deplete my self-esteem, only adds to it, but upon being married, I realized just how insecure I actually am. Suddenly, the idea of being spiritually tied to someone made me examine every square inch of myself.

Motherhood did something similar. I realized that so much of the junk I thought I was healed of, was actually only laying dormant, like a slumbering bear, ready to be awakened when toddlers colored on walls or when I was acting less than Jesus-like.

And don’t even get me started on the toll that baby weight has taken on my self-esteem. Those extra pounds make me feel more insecure than the pack of “mean girls” I used to avoid in junior high. As of right now, I have an 8 month old baby and yes, my baby weight is still holding on strong.

Then, the other day, I stumbled across an article that I felt confidently was written to encourage women just like me. The author wrote about the need to banish the term “baby weight.” I began reading with great interest and a sliver of hope that when the article was done, I would feel freed from the pressure to lose. But the exact opposite happened and I found myself cursing at my computer screen. Continue reading Vanity, Forfeiting, and a Little Thing Called “Baby Weight”

27 Ways God Has Blessed Me

Ever feel like you don’t have much to be thankful for or that thankfulness is not flowing freely from you? Well, I decided to sit down and write out 27 ways God has blessed me (27 just seemed like a nice number).

I figured, for starters, it would shut me up and prevent me from whining or complaining, thinking that God really hasn’t done that much for me. Secondly, I would be forced to remember all that He has done, which is infinitely more than 27 things…and that alone is humbling and challenging.

So here are 27 ways God has blessed me… Continue reading 27 Ways God Has Blessed Me

My Greatest Fear

Okay, okay, I admit it. Christians aren’t suppose to be scared, right? We are supposed to walk around in our perfectly, not scared bodies, shielded by the super-powers of the Holy Spirit.

We are suppose to be like some kind of anti-fear force field–zapping things like phobias and anxieties with a wave of our hand.

But let’s be honest. Most of us aren’t fearless superheroes by any stretch of the imagination. I, for one, have plenty of fears and insecurities.

One fear in particular has always haunted me. It is my dark and looming cloud, my ever-present “what if”, my unavoidable reality.

My greatest fear in life… Continue reading My Greatest Fear

Darkness and Depression

Today, I’m privileged to have an article featured over at Prodigal Magazine. I’m sharing about something very personal–something that I have never even talked about here on Modern Reject.

I’m talking about depression and where the darkness hides…

Here’s a taste:

I wasn’t quite sure what was happening. I couldn’t explain it. I didn’t have the words. I didn’t have the energy to try. What I did have was a constant ache, a swelling emotion that everything wasn’t going to be okay. What I had was the overwhelming feeling that I was drowning, desperately trying to keep my head above water.

Come hang with me over at Prodigal Magazine to keep reading. Hope to see you there…

The Outsider, Cliques, and My Big Insecurities

So last week, I discovered that Modern Reject was named as one of the Top 200 Ministry Blogs of 2012 by Church Relevance. I’ll be honest, I was way geeked out. I was stoked and honored, albeit a bit confused as to how I ended up on the list.

Then, Kent Shaffer, who writes Church Relevance responded to a bit of controversy as to why there aren’t more women (and less Calvinists) on the list. In his response post, other more prominent female bloggers than myself commented and listed even more prominent female bloggers who they thought should have made the list.

Some of these female bloggers even made their own lists, so as to include more women who they felt were jipped or forgotten. And in all of this, the glow and excitement of seeing my name there on that list started to wane.

I began to feel embarrassed and lame for ever even caring, for feeling a moment of encouragement, for feeling like all of this hard work of blogging was being recognized. I felt stupid and insignificant.

And why? Why had I let the subsequent discussion about female bloggers rob me of my joy? Because I’m not one of those female bloggers. I am, what I’ve always felt I’ve been–an outsider. Continue reading The Outsider, Cliques, and My Big Insecurities