Have most young women today ever heard of the word “modesty?” Truly? If you were to stop the average 12 or 13 year-old girl on the street and ask her for a definition of the word “modesty,” what do you think she would say?
I’ll tell you. She’d say, “Huh?”
Looking back, I realize that before even becoming a Christian, I had a certain level of modesty about me. When friends chose to wear more provocative or sexy clothing, I declined. I never really felt comfortable in bikinis and often tried to cover myself.
But, now I know that modesty extends so far beyond what we wear. Modesty isn’t solely about mini-skirts and push-up bras. It is a state of being, a quality one holds. Modesty encompasses more than we assume, but even much of what we assume is wrong.Continue reading Are You a Modest Christian?
Marriage is dying, but not in the way we might think.
I, for one, didn’t really care much about marriage when I was younger. I came from a divorced home, feeling separated from my father before I could even form a full memory of his face.
I watched both parents remarry and felt the pain and anger rage inside of me at the age of six, in knowing that despite my fantasy, my parents would never reunite.
I saw my parents new marriages be nothing like anything I ever wanted for myself–so much work, so much effort, so much sacrifice.
By the time I was 16, I was convinced that marriage and I didn’t mix. I wanted to roam free, be free, feel free. I didn’t need a man. I didn’t need a piece of paper to tell me that I loved someone. I was enough and that was enough.
Happy Wednesday. Today is the day we discuss men and women. Oh joy! As such, I wanted to share this video from Dennis Prager with you, titled Men and the Power of the Visual. I’ve addressed this topic before in one way or another. I find this issue to be one that far too many women seem to be ignorant towards, for whatever reason.
As for the video, it’s five minutes, but it is also very entertaining and goes by quickly. Please respond to the questions below after watching the video:
Do you agree or disagree with this video? Do you think the power of the visual affects men to that extent? Why or why not? If you are a woman, is this a surprise to you? Do you agree that, the male visual nature, is in part to blame for the amount of pornography produced?
A while ago, I had a someone email me and ask whether or not I believed the church pushes marriage. I immediately thought, yes, I think the church does push marriage.
But should it?
Do we really want the message that the church promotes to be one of marriage versus singleness? Is marriage a sort of spiritual achievement worth striving for and if so, where does that leave all those who are single?
Marriage is full of compromise. Or at least, it should be. And if anything has taught me how to phrase, re-phrase, pause, evaluate, and listen before speaking, it’s marriage.
It might be easy to assume that I speak to my husband in much the same way that I write on this blog–with passion, spunk, a bit of edge, and a whole lot of Truth. While I’d like to say that’s the case, it isn’t always. Sure, my husband gets large doses of my sass (which he likes by the way), and Truth (which he always receives with humility). Yet, when it comes to bringing up an uncomfortable subject, I have learned that nothing helps your man feel more like a man, than a whole lot of respect.
Of course, I didn’t always know this. I mean, I knew it intellectually. “Husbands need respect. Yadda, yadda, yadda,” but that doesn’t mean I felt convicted about this Biblical command to wives. But after putting my foot in my mouth too many times to count, I learned a very simple trick for bringing up something unpleasant to my husband without making him feel threatened or defensive.
Today’s guest post is written by none other than my awesome cousin, Ryan Goble. Ryan is a recent college graduate and when I asked him to write about some of his observations about young single women and the ways they view men, he didn’t let me down. His thoughts here are insightful, challenging, and, in my opinion, right on. I hope you enjoy!
Lately, I have noticed a trend among college women and especially Christian college women. I see this trend as a cancer in the church that desperately needs to be cut out before it kills a generation of men and women…
For generations it has been expressed that men are the ones who deal with issues of lust and desire. Yet, with the modern day movie and music star, I believe that our women are being greatly affected by society’s lies of what they should be looking for in a man. I believe that this issue has been buried so deep that we often do not even see it as an issue.
Have you ever been with a group of women and listened to them talk about how they are “in love” with their favorite movie star? Or how they are going to watch their “boyfriend” on the big screen? Do you know women who talk non-stop about the men they idolize and how great it would be if they could just be married to them?
Have you ever heard women talk about a man’s abs or his arms in ways that their husband (or future husband) would NOT be happy? If you haven’t heard a woman talk like this, I’m happy for you, because as a man, it sucks.
It goes without saying that men are visual creatures. We know that “sex sells,” and one of the main reasons for that is because men are visual. It is not women who are usually buying sex, so to speak.
But if a woman could spend a day inside a man’s mind, would she be disgusted and horrified to find out just how much he actually thinks of sex? Would a wife, for instance, end up thinking her husband is a pervert? Probably. That’s how much the male mind focuses on sex.
Today, I’m over at one of my favorite blogger spots, the home of Sammy Adebiyi. If you have yet to check out Sammy’s blog, let me tell you, you are missing out.
I’m making a guest appearance on his blog today discussing the topic of whether or not women should attempt to look hot for their husbands.
Here’s a sneak peek:
“…it seems that a whole collection of women have come to believe that marriage is an opportunity to give up and just quit trying. How do I know this? Because I have seen them. I have seen these wives, strolling through Target, pushing a cart at the grocery store, out to lunch with friends.
They are women, who from afar, may appear to be zombies of some sort–disheveled, hair in a scrunchie (I mean, a scrunchie, really? It isn’t 1992), sweat pants blowing in the wind. But upon closer inspection, one realizes that these are not flesh eating creatures, so much as women who have fallen into a rut.”
In the last month or so, my husband and I have heard about two marriages we know ending. I don’t know all of the circumstances and I don’t want to, either. I do know, however, that one marriage suffered from an adulterous relationship. The thought of my husband having any kind of affair makes me sick to my stomach. Absolutely sick. For married people, the idea of your spouse committing adultery is a nightmare and something we avoid even thinking about.
A sexual affair violates the covenant of marriage. It is sharing your most personal and intimate self with another, who is not your spouse. It breaks trust, forces people to choose sides, causes great emotional and physical stress, can lead to depression, and in many cases, divorce.
When I was 20 years old, I had it all figured out. Like most people my age, I had a plan–a timeline really–of exactly how things should go and when they should happen.
I, of course, like any good Christian girl, submitted my timeline to God. I passed Him the memo, you know, just so He could stay in the loop.
Here’s what my plan consisted of:
Graduate college at 21. Score my dream job in New York, preferably working for some type of political non-profit, making peanuts, but not caring because I was doing what I loved. Travel the world (you know with all the money I wasn’t making). Oh, and I was going to be married by 21. That’s right upon turning 21, I would have a ring on my finger and a church booked for the big day.
My husband wasn’t going to be just any man. He was to be a very specific type of man. I had a plan, remember? And with that plan also comes a list. It was the list of qualities, characteristics, and attributes I wanted in my future husband. It was quite the checklist really. It went something like this… Continue reading Ditch Your Dating Checklist