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I Don’t Trust You…

I have trust issues. I’ll be the first to admit it. I don’t always go around parading my trust issues on a big, grand, tissue-covered float, but they are there nonetheless…just beneath the surface.

I’m pretty good at appearing to be trusting. I nod my head when people say they love me, or care about me, or will pray for me, but somewhere deep inside, in the quiet places no one likes to talk about, I doubt everything you say.

Sure, you love me, Sure, you care about me. Sure, you’ll pray for me…right.

I mean, I want to trust you. I want to believe every single word you say, but it just  ain’t happening. I don’t trust you. Here’s why…

I guess it all goes back to my daddy issues. Yes, it sounds a bit lame to blame it on my dad, but it’s kinda true. There is a reason God wants kids to have a mom and a dad. And a reason God wants both parents to be present and available. The disappearing father act doesn’t work and it certainly doesn’t produce secure trusting daughters.

No. It produces insecure, doubting, wary daughters who seek security in all the wrong places. It produces girls who want so badly to trust the Father God, but can’t because they think of Him in the context of their earthly father–a father who did only one thing consistently and that was let her down.

Trust is tricky. There’s no way around it. Trust requires more of me than I can give. That whole “Trust in the Lord with all your heart..” thing. Well, I believe in Him,no question, but my whole heart doesn’t trust Him. Dare I say even half of my heart?

Trust, at least for me, has to come via the Holy Spirit or it won’t come at all. It has to come when my flesh says “Run! So you don’t get hurt,” but the Spirit says “Yield…”

Trust comes when I repent of my wrong thinking that the Father God is anything like my earthly dad. Trust comes when I submit to my husband and accept him as the gift he is from my Lord. Trust comes when I get out of the way, but not because I’m hiding–but because I’m surrendering.

God wants me to trust. He wants me to trust men especially, when my tendency is to assume the worst and expect even less. God is not interested in me nodding and placating anyone. He knows my dad-issues. He knows I sometimes resort back to old patterns and begin to compare Him to my earthly father. But He also knows, that He alone, has the power to teach me how to trust. More than that, He is worthy of my trust.

Do you find it easy or difficult to trust God? Why or why not? Do you find it easy or difficult to trust man? Why or why not?