I’m not even sure how to write this post. I don’t know where to begin or where to end, so forgive me if I ramble. Or cry. Or blubber all over the page.
This is my last Modern Reject post after all.
So where do I start?
This last year of blogging has left me wanting. I found myself less and less dedicated to this blog, less and less motivated, and less willing to write the kind of posts I had become known for writing. I didn’t want to drum up controversy, or rock the boat, or stir the pot anymore.
I didn’t want to write divisive posts or respond to angered commenters. I didn’t want to defend my faith or hell, my theology for that matter. I didn’t want to “make my case” or “prove my point” or “defend my position.”
Oh man, I am just eeking in this sucker. Whew. I have to admit, I didn’t write much this year, but what I did write, I loved. I think 2013 proved to personally be some of my favorite posts.
So here’s a run down of the most-read Modern Reject posts of 2013. It’s always surprising to see what was most popular and wasn’t so much.
You know, who was the star quarterback and his girlfriend and who was the band geek and drama nerd (all of whom I love and adore).
{From the archives} As Easter came and went this year, I realized in my post-candy-“He is Risen”-haze that I didn’t really feel connected to Jesus this Easter.
I can remember Easter’s past, when just hearing the name “Jesus” would cause my eyes to swell with tears and my throat to tighten. This was not that year. In fact, I felt little of nothing and that made me feel, well, a little guilty.
And as I was lying in bed on Sunday night, I tried to talk to God and understand just where I went wrong this Easter. I concluded, based upon His silence, that while I wanted to say that He just doesn’t care about the things that I care about–the truth is, I haven’t been caring about the things He cares about.
To add insult to injury, I have begun to question things that I have never questioned. I have begun to wrestle with things I have always assumed I would never need to wrestle against. And I’m scared.
I realized however, that I wasn’t the only one left feeling empty and disconnected this Easter. Except that this was new to me. I’ve never had an Easter like this, but I shouldn’t be surprised because…
…Church is hard.
Church isn’t easy. Being the church isn’t easy (and to quote Coldplay, no one said it’d be this hard).
But there is one glaringly obvious reason as to why church is hard. It explains all the heartache, disappointment, loneliness, isolation, disillusionment, and even anger that so many of us in the church experience…Continue reading Why Church is Hard…
To be honest, part of the reason I have pretty much avoided writing about this subject is because I have very little desire to debate others about the role of women in the church. Not because I think I’m right or I’ve landed on some eternal truth, but because I often find discussions such as these to be rather fruitless and distracting. Fruitless in that they do not advance the Kingdom and distracting in that they take our eyes, however briefly, off of Jesus Christ as our Head.
However, I’ve had people email me over my three years of blogging with greetings that begin with “As a fellow complementarian…” Or “As another like-minded egalitarian…” These emails make me laugh because never once have I ever referred to myself as either of these titles, nor would I ever.
But, what happens when you have a blog is that people assume they know you. They assume they’ve got you all figured out. If you write about your marriage a few times, they wrongly believe they have been given a full and clear look into its intricacies and intimacies. One post about my sex life a night in my bedroom does not make. Sorry.
My high school senior English teacher was pretty much Elaine from Seinfeld. I loved her. We all loved her. During one of her famous passionate lectures, she once commented about how nice it must be to be a stupid person. She explained that there must be something quite freeing about being able to shut off your brain and quit thinking about something–to essentially think about nothing.
Because intelligent people, she argued, were always thinking. In fact, they never stopped thinking…and it was exhausting. She envied the dumb.
This resonated with me (not that I consider myself brilliant by any means)–the fact that I cannot stop myself from thinking. I read this the other day and smiled because it is me: “I’ve been overthinking about overthinking again.”
You’d think that thinking would prove more fruitful, but no. Instead, I wonder how I get here again and again. It seems so futile–the race and the running, when despite my best effort I find myself doing just that.
And that is part of the problem, my effort. I hate striving. I hate watching “Christians” strive for Jesus. Wondering what we can do for God instead of being with God. Working instead of abiding. Trying instead of receiving.
I have a confession to make and it ain’t pretty. In fact, I’m a little embarrassed to tell you. {sigh} Here goes…
I’m insecure.
It makes me squirm a little just to write it. But it’s true. I am insecure.
Big deal, you might be thinking, considering each and every human being on the planet is probably insecure about something. I know, I’m not unique or special, but here’s why my insecurity really sucks…
…because no one knows (I mean, they do now since I just announced it on a blog). People around me assume that I have my ‘ish together. My hair is done, my house is clean, my kids are well-dressed, my marriage rocks. And basically, those are the things people take inventory of when deciding if someone has it together or not.
Oh, well, she’s not disheveled or drunk, so yeah…she’s good.
But, I’m not so good. Actually, lately, I’ve been bad. Actually, actually, I’ve been sad. I don’t discount post-pregnancy hormone shifts that wildly vary from me feeling like crying to me feeling like screaming are contributing, but it’s more than that… Continue reading I’m Not Roadkill
Recently, in a church gathering the discussion of whether or not “God is enough” came up. Some passionately explained that “God is enough” for them and that we, as believers, don’t need anything else.
I, however, just as passionately disagree. Yes, I concede that God is enough–or rather He can be enough, but He isn’t meant to be “enough.” God never intended for us to walk through life with nothing but Him.
The discussion reminded me of this post I wrote quite a while back. Do you agree or disagree?
Christians don’t throw around the word “happy” too often. We are cautious of the word because we think it sounds earthly, temporal, and fleeting. We much prefer the word “joy.” Joy is of God. Joy is rooted in something more than a mere mood or a passing event. In fact, the joy of the Lord is our strength, so says the Bible.
But, is it so bad to just want to be happy? I mean, happiness is still cool right? It’s okay for Christians to be happy, isn’t it? Personally, I’d take a big ‘ol plate of happiness any day of the week.
Filling up your life with things that make you happy is healthy, and yet I know some Christians for whom this is especially difficult. They operate under the belief that God alone is suppose to make you happy…and nothing else. Happiness, they believe, should come from Him and nowhere else.
Is it sacrilegious for me to say that I disagree with that statement? God says we shall worship no other god. I’m all for that commandment but does that mean that God is to be the sole source of our happiness? Can we find happiness elsewhere? Continue reading Should God Alone Make You Happy?
Holy crap, it’s November. I’ve been excited it’s finally Fall and the holidays are around the corner. What are your favorite things about Fall?
Mine include raiding my kids Halloween stash, eating other people’s delicious seasonal baked goods, and consuming lots of turkey and cranberries. Yeah, it’s all food related. Don’t judge me.
Okay, so onto this week’s Friday Findings:
The people who brought us the Bible on our phones–YouVersion, now has a new Bible app for kids. The homeschooling mom in me is geeked out about this, in fact. Looks like it might pretty good instead of really cheesy like most Christian kid things.
Sonny wrote a great post called “When We Were Asexual.” Don’t be fooled by the title either. It’s not what you think and it’s so good.
My husband is a go-getter. You know, one of those people who is full of ideas and then writes down goals and then achieves said goals. He even wrote a personal mission statement. I did not. But this post inspired me to maybe go ahead and write one anyway.
Can an Introvert Really Be a Pastor? The title of this post sort of got me all huffy. “Of course they can! For the millionth time–Introverts like people!” This guy has a different take and while I don’t agree with all of his points, it’s a valuable read.
Rapper Ja Rule Talks About How Hillsong Changed His Life. I wish he had just yelled “Jesus!” but I still love watching stuff like this. God can use any church, any pastor, any believer, any gathering to reach whomever He chooses.
Last week I wrote a post called The Greatest Trick the Devil Ever Pulled. A lot of people disagreed with me and some wondered if my title was just hyperbole. Sadly, it wasn’t. I meant every word I wrote:
I believe the “existence of denominations and factions within the church is the greatest deception Satan has ever committed against the church.”
But here’s the thing–I’m just one person. One little blogger in a giant blogosphere. One member of the Body sharing my thoughts and feelings. Like I’ve said before, I never want to claim that I have the corner on Truth.
I gotta say, it feels good to be blogging again. I mean, I’ve missed it. I’ve also missed perusing the interwebs because when I wasn’t blogging, I wasn’t really online. So discovering again all the goodness there is to share each week makes me happy. Here you go:
The other day, I ran into a friend and he told me about a blog I needed to check out, so I did. It’s called Toward Fatherhood and I’m hooked. It’s funny, wise, original. I’ve added it to my daily read list. You should too.
Why We Need Denominations. So remember when I wrote a post this week about denominations and you all got into it in the comments (which I love, by the way). Well a day later, I stumbled upon this post from Relevant about why we need denominations. Go figure.
This week, Rachel Held Evans celebrated her 10 year anniversary while Jonathan and I celebrated our 8th. She wrote about the myths versus the realities of marriage. I found myself agreeing with much of what she had to say. What about you?
A little Strange Fire seriousness and response from Frank Viola, in part 1 and part 2. These are the only articles or posts I have shared or will share about the controversy.
Sarah Bessey crawled inside my brain and my heart and my soul this week and put it all on a page. Brilliance and beauty in one, like she does.
And my favorite Friday Finding for the week: the video below. It’s a bit long, but trust me–it is so worth it. If this isn’t one of the most powerful and tangible displays of Jesus loving His Bride and this truth being represented in marriage, I don’t know what is. It’s True Love.
So which was your favorite from this list? Got anything fascinating, enthralling, or downright life-changing you’d like to share with me?
I’m not even sure how to write this post. I don’t know where to begin or where to end, so forgive me if I ramble. Or cry. Or blubber all over the page.
