Why Church is Hard…

{From the archives} As Easter came and went this year, I realized in my post-candy-“He is Risen”-haze that I didn’t really feel connected to Jesus this Easter.

I can remember Easter’s past, when just hearing the name “Jesus” would cause my eyes to swell with tears and my throat to tighten. This was not that year. In fact, I felt little of nothing and that made me feel, well, a little guilty.

And as I was lying in bed on Sunday night, I tried to talk to God and understand just where I went wrong this Easter. I concluded, based upon His silence, that while I wanted to say that He just doesn’t care about the things that I care about–the truth is, I haven’t been caring about the things He cares about.

To add insult to injury, I have begun to question things that I have never questioned. I have begun to wrestle with things I have always assumed I would never need to wrestle against. And I’m scared.

I realized however, that I wasn’t the only one left feeling empty and disconnected this Easter. Except that this was new to me. I’ve never had an Easter like this, but I shouldn’t be surprised because…

…Church is hard.

Church isn’t easy. Being the church isn’t easy (and to quote Coldplay, no one said it’d be this hard).

But there is one glaringly obvious reason as to why church is hard. It explains all the heartache, disappointment, loneliness, isolation, disillusionment, and even anger that so many of us in the church experience… Continue reading Why Church is Hard…

I Want a Break From God

My high school senior English teacher was pretty much Elaine from Seinfeld. I loved her. We all loved her. During one of her famous passionate lectures, she once commented about how nice it must be to be a stupid person. She explained that there must be something quite freeing about being able to shut off your brain and quit thinking about something–to essentially think about nothing.

Because intelligent people, she argued, were always thinking. In fact, they never stopped thinking…and it was exhausting. She envied the dumb.

This resonated with me (not that I consider myself brilliant by any means)–the fact that I cannot stop myself from thinking. I read this the other day and smiled because it is me: “I’ve been overthinking about overthinking again.”

You’d think that thinking would prove more fruitful, but no. Instead, I wonder how I get here again and again. It seems so futile–the race and the running, when despite my best effort I find myself doing just that.

And that is part of the problem, my effort. I hate striving. I hate watching “Christians” strive for Jesus. Wondering what we can do for God instead of being with God. Working instead of abiding. Trying instead of receiving.

So when it’s my turn, I feel like a failure and a liar. A fraud. Continue reading I Want a Break From God

I’m Not Roadkill

I have a confession to make and it ain’t pretty. In fact, I’m a little embarrassed to tell you. {sigh} Here goes…

I’m insecure.

It makes me squirm a little just to write it. But it’s true. I am insecure.

Big deal, you might be thinking, considering each and every human being on the planet is probably insecure about something. I know, I’m not unique or special, but here’s why my insecurity really sucks…

…because no one knows (I mean, they do now since I just announced it on a blog). People around me assume that I have my ‘ish together. My hair is done, my house is clean, my kids are well-dressed, my marriage rocks. And basically, those are the things people take inventory of when deciding if someone has it together or not.

Oh, well, she’s not disheveled or drunk, so yeah…she’s good.

But, I’m not so good. Actually, lately, I’ve been bad. Actually, actually, I’ve been sad. I don’t discount post-pregnancy hormone shifts that wildly vary from me feeling like crying to me feeling like screaming are contributing, but it’s more than that… Continue reading I’m Not Roadkill

Should God Alone Make You Happy?

Recently, in a church gathering the discussion of whether or not “God is enough” came up. Some passionately explained that “God is enough” for them and that we, as believers, don’t need anything else.

I, however, just as passionately disagree. Yes, I concede that God is enough–or rather He can be enough, but He isn’t meant to be “enough.” God never intended for us to walk through life with nothing but Him.

The discussion reminded me of this post I wrote quite a while back. Do you agree or disagree? 

Christians don’t throw around the word “happy” too often. We are cautious of the word because we think it sounds earthly, temporal, and fleeting. We much prefer the word “joy.” Joy is of God. Joy is rooted in something more than a mere mood or a passing event. In fact, the joy of the Lord is our strength, so says the Bible.

But, is it so bad to just want to be happy? I mean, happiness is still cool right? It’s okay for Christians to be happy, isn’t it? Personally, I’d take a big ‘ol plate of  happiness any day of the week.

Filling up your life with things that make you happy is healthy, and yet I know some Christians for whom this is especially difficult. They operate under the belief that God alone is suppose to make you happy…and nothing else. Happiness, they believe, should come from Him and nowhere else.

Is it sacrilegious for me to say that I disagree with that statement? God says we shall worship no other god. I’m all for that commandment but does that mean that God is to be the sole source of our happiness? Can we find happiness elsewhere? Continue reading Should God Alone Make You Happy?

What Is the Greatest Deception Against the Church?

Last week I wrote a post called The Greatest Trick the Devil Ever Pulled. A lot of people disagreed with me and some wondered if my title was just hyperbole. Sadly, it wasn’t. I meant every word I wrote:

I believe the “existence of denominations and factions within the church is the greatest deception Satan has ever committed against the church.”

But here’s the thing–I’m just one person. One little blogger in a giant blogosphere. One member of the Body sharing my thoughts and feelings. Like I’ve said before, I never want to claim that I have the corner on Truth.

None of us does.

So, with that in mind, I thought I’d turn the question over to you. Continue reading What Is the Greatest Deception Against the Church?

The Greatest Trick the Devil Ever Pulled

If someone were to ask you what has caused more harm to the Church as a whole, how would you answer? Because I don’t what I would have said a few weeks ago, but then…

During a church meeting a few weeks ago, a member of my church family said: “The existence of denominations and factions within the church is the greatest deception Satan has ever committed against the church.”

I nodded my head in agreement.

I’ve felt that. I’ve known that. I had just never put it into words.

As my friend said this I was immediately reminded of the movie The Usual Suspects and that bastard Keyser Soze. Satan, the Great Illusionist and Perpetual Deceiver, always scheming. Continue reading The Greatest Trick the Devil Ever Pulled

Why My Church Rarely Does “Prayer Requests”

Ah, the prayer request. The quintessential Christian experience–sitting around in a circle, sharing often benign, usually safe, terribly tame “prayer requests” with one another.

They usually sound something like this: “I really need a new job or a pay raise. So pray for that please.” Or “My fiance and I are trying to figure out when to get married. Please pray that God would tell us.”

(Let me also preface this post by stating that I am not anti-prayer request. of course not. I have been apart of many groups, be it Bible studies or women’s groups where prayer requests were a welcome and important part of gathering. But God has also shown me something different…)

It’s funny because after becoming a believer, I just went right along with the whole “prayer request” model. I didn’t know any differently. I certainly didn’t know any better. Why would I? Except that when I look in scripture I see no prayer request like model. Now, I’m not one of those people who says “If it ain’t in the Bible, don’t do it.” Please, no. The Bible isn’t exhaustive because God is an infinite God. I don’t try to squeeze Him into a few hundred pages.

All that to say, just because prayer requests aren’t in there, doesn’t mean scripture says nothing about prayer, in general. It says a lot about prayer in fact. But, don’t worry I’m not about to give you an overview of what the Bible says about prayer (zzzzzzz….).

What I am going to give you, however, is a glimpse into how my church family prays for one another which does not usually include prayer requests. Hopefully, you be encouraged to read about another way to pray. Continue reading Why My Church Rarely Does “Prayer Requests”

Size Doesn’t Matter

(I love me a titillating blog title, don’t you?)

The organic church I am blessed to be a part of has been growing as of late. We have had many guests. Some stay. Some do not. We have also had a few other organic church or house churches visit us.

Some have come just to observe. Some have come to be equipped. Some have come to simply be filled up.

After our “Jesus meeting” one Saturday, I was saying goodbye to a man in his twenties whom the Lord has called to shepherd a flock in a newly forming organic church. While wishing him a goodnight, I told him that Jonathan and I would love to come visit their meeting sometime.

He hesitated for a brief second and said “Well, we are small…nothing like this,” referring to the church body that gathers in my home with upwards of 60 people some weeks.

“Don’t say that,” I told him. “It is not small in God’s eyes.”

He looked at me. “You’re right,” he said quickly, catching his mistake. “It’s not small in God’s eyes. I have to remember that.”

“It has often been that the greatest thing of God has been very small in the eyes of man.” T. Austin Sparks Continue reading Size Doesn’t Matter

There’s No Such Thing as “Supernatural”

Things are changing around here. Slowly but surely. God is redirecting my words and thus, this blog. Yet despite this, I’ve had a difficult time writing.

But, God keeps nudging me…forward. Except that much of what I used to write is no longer how I want to write, or what I want to write.

I sat the other day looking through my blog post ideas, a seemingly endless list of notes I’ve jotted down. While scrolling my post ideas I  I found a draft titled “Supernatural Everyday.”

It got me thinking. I have to admit, I’ve been surprised by your reactions to my recent posts. I suppose I shouldn’t be. Perhaps I didn’t give you guys enough credit. Perhaps I underestimated you.

For that, I’m sorry.

But, I am thankful that the threshold has been crossed–that door has been flung wide open. Cliche as it is, there’s no going back.

Because what I have come to realize, no, what I’ve come to know, is that there is no such thing as the supernatural.

People either whisper this word or refuse to speak it. The “supernatural”, the spooky-spookiness of God. God the vodoo doctor. God the charlatan. Continue reading There’s No Such Thing as “Supernatural”

Homogenous Jesus

Every Saturday, my home is filled with 25 or so adults and almost as many kids. We file in, greeting one another with hugs, laughter, and joy. Eventually we make our way to our living room, where we gather corporately, where we re-confess that Jesus is Head, and we allow the Holy Spirit to lead us in our time together.

Jesus is so faithful. Never has a Saturday gone by when a clear theme did not emerge, becoming so evident where God was taking us, teaching us, leading us.

I imagine, that many who do not know what organic church looks like, assume that at some point we must have discussed theology or doctrine in our corporate setting. That somewhere in the midst of this time, Jesus must have led someone to bring up a doctrinal point.

And if you assume this, you’d be wrong.

In over a year of meeting, we have never had a corporate gathering that has lead us to a theological discussion. Even writing it, I feel a bit surprised. How can that be?

Yes, we are discussing theology in the sense that we talk about God–and that is the simplest definition of theology–the study of the nature of God. But, what I mean more specifically is I have never witnessed a member of my church family submit their own theology to the body, try to debate, or try to convince others that their beliefs are right.

Which begs the question, perhaps there is no need for such discussions, because we must all hold similar, if not the same, theologies.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Continue reading Homogenous Jesus