from the archives
I have often felt that I work for God, which isn’t entirely wrong, but also not entirely correct.
I have awoken far too many mornings feeling like I need to put on my interview suit and best shoes in order to gain access to God.
I have positioned Him as the ultimate employer, who is only willing to hire me if my resume is exceptional. Do I have all of the necessary credentials to apply for the job of Christian? And not just Christian, but “super Christian”?
I list all of my qualifications before God. I tally my moments of service, my hours of reading the Word, my number of disciples.
Then, I submit my spiritual resume to God.
I can adequately tell God why others are less qualified than me for the job. “So-and-so has only been a believer for 5 years. Whereas I have 13 years of Christian work history.”
I have discipled many women, led people to Christ, served in children’s ministry even when I haven’t wanted to. I am qualified. I am capable. I deserve the promotion.
I begin to feel satisfied in the fact that the length and depth of my Christian walk affords me a certain level of security, recognition, and importance.
Jesus laughs. “The first among you shall be last.”
I still desperately try to earn my place in his company. I still seek out ways to impress my boss. Anything I can add to the resume is worthwhile–a Bible study, a mission trip, a class on becoming a “better” Christian.
It all feels impressive. It all seems important…
…but Jesus shakes His head. “Blessed are the humble, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven…”
Again, I submit my resume, certain that He will recognize my skill set and my ability to adapt. However, it again proves futile.
My mind reels and I become frustrated, feeling slighted and overlooked. He is gracious, though, and comes to me. He reminds me again of His Word.
He reminds me of what God truly desires on our so-called resume. He is not interested in our accomplishments, but our character.
He chooses the least of us to fill the position:
Moses, a murderer and a runaway who was no public speaker, chosen to proclaim and lead millions to freedom.
Joseph, the youngest brother betrayed, thrown in a pit, locked in prison, then made God’s spokesman.
David, the youngest and smallest of many strong brothers. The least obvious choice, yet the next king.
Esther, a young girl plucked from her ordinary life to be made queen and save her people.
It goes on and on…God chooses us based upon His qualifications, not ours. He desires brokenness not haughtiness, faithfulness not financials, weakness that He may be glorified, not strength in ourselves.
But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.
My own qualifications fall short. It is His blood that makes me worthy of any position in His Kingdom. My spiritual resume is empty, in light of His saving grace.
All I need to write on my resume is simple: follower and friend of the One, empowered by the Holy Spirit, God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for me to do.
Are you guilty of ever building your spiritual resume with so-called Christian activity? Where, however, has God used your weakness to glorify Himself?
Can I be contrary?
There’s a trend in me to buck against the grain, for some reason. Maybe it’s my Finnish blood wanting to be dark and melancholy. Maybe it’s that I didn’t eat enough asparagus growing up. Who knows.
Anyway, my problem is the opposite. I find ways to NOT create a spiritual resume. I look for ways that I’m a failure and not really worthy of leadership or whatever. And that’s a flaw that I have.
When I was involved heavily in my church back in the US, I taught Bible study, attended weekly Disciple classes, was a lay reader and preached a few times when the pastor was away. People told me I should join seminary, and I’ve always played with the idea.
Yet I never felt I had the cred to do it. My sins were always before me, and not in the way that the saints talk about. I listened to the “wrong” kind of music. Hung out with the wrong kind of people. Laughed at the wrong jokes.
So I guess if I had to think about this, it would be for me to actually know that some things in me are good, and useful. Instead of always focusing on my weaknesses, maybe once or twice I should focus on my strengths.
Thanks for getting me to think about this.
But, just to be sure, I’m going to go eat some asparagus.
blessings,
Josh
Josh,
Thank you for speaking to the contrary. As I commented to Carla, I know those thoughts too.
The enemy likes just as much, to convince us that we are useless to God, failures, incapable, and inadequate. Moses was convinced that he was not the man for the job and had a list of reasons why when God came a callin’.
It can be so difficult to recognize the good we have to offer. Why is that? We want to remain humble, yet confident. I think of Psalm 71:5 “For You are my hope; O Lord GOD, You are my confidence from my youth.”
I’m going to pray Josh that the Holy Spirit begins to illuminate for you your strengths and that you will yield and allow Him to use those areas for His glory. Thank you for sharing friend.
Thanks Nicole. I needed this today. I am one of those people who tries to build a Spiritual resume and then I beat myself up if my daily requirements for super Christian are not met. So I am arrogant about my Christian walk and at the same time I am self loathing in it. Both attitudes hinder intimacy with Christ, which is what I truly seek, both attitudes are works based and not grace based. It is always refreshing to be reminded that God’s qualifications are different than mine, that He chose me to be His child and that His blood covers all.
Today I am scrambling from two separate betrayals of a sister and of a friend and I am so deeply hurt by these. But in the back of my head I am wondering to myself what kind of Christian am I that I can’t be more forgiving, or more graceful in these difficult situations. I am feeling very much like the least of these. Thank you for reminding me that even if I am least, I am still worthy of His love and still worthy to do His work.
Carla,
Thank you for your openness and honesty. I too, know what it is like to vacillate between striving to please God and feeling defeated by my own self…even simultaneously. It’s kinda sickening when I think about it.
You are so right that both mindsets hinder intimacy and are based on works. I love when I can come to place before Him and say, “Yup. I will never be enough…but YOU are.”
I’ll be praying Carla as you navigate these fresh hurts with a sister and friend. May Christ be glorified in these situations, through your weakness and humility before Him.
>>So I am arrogant about my Christian walk and at the same time I am self loathing in it.
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Wow. That was actually pretty dang transparent of you, Carla. I wonder how many others can relate to this?
This is really good, Nicole. I think it’s so easy to fall into this habit based on our own knowledge and understanding of ‘success’. Our understanding is based on what society has taught us, probably more than what God has. I fear the opposite too, indifference to our spiritual goals.
I think the lesson for me is to do the things that God is leading me to do. The reason is for Him, not for me, not for the people I influence to like me better. Ahhhh, but isn’t it so hard…
Thanks for the reminder and the analogy.
Heather,
I agree that we place our own definition of “success” on ourselves and our works. God’s Word doesn’t mention success in the way we tend to think of it, either. Like you said, the more we pursue His leading the more our works bare, not success, but fruit..for His Kingdom, not for ourselves.
Nicole,
I don’t have a spiritual resume. I’m a slave, not an employee.
However, your post touched on may things I believe are not uncommon within Christianity, and I am quite sure you have ministered to many with this confession of yours.
‘Comfort those as you have been comforted’, we are taught. You did that today. Rock on, pregnant sister.
“I’m a slave, not an employee.” So good. I actually told Nicole this morning that the second tattoo I’m going to get (after the two foremost commandments tattooed on my left arm) is going to say exactly that: Slave. In Greek or English, I’m not sure yet, but I am sure it will be an interesting conversation-starter to say the least. Better yet, it will serve a daily reminder to me that I’m in His bonds…no better place to be.
Jonathan,
Slave…δούλος…pronounced “doulos”.
I have 16 tattoos. Not that I endorse them, no, but to each his/her own. As long as you’re not tattooing yourself for the dead, it’s quite alright I believe. My personal fave of mine is “Jesus” tattooed across my upper back, shoulder to shoulder. It really is powerful. I like to think it lets people know Who I belong to.
I don’t take my slaveship lightly. I am a son through adoption, but a slave bought at a terrible price. It is a paradox, to be sure. So many things about our Father are. Oy.
ps: Check your email. I have fired my first salvo your way. (I keed, I keed….)
Ooh, that’s good. I think on my best days, I acknowledge that I am a slave to Christ. On my not so good days, I feel like I need to earn my “boss’s” approval.
“…the more we pursue His leading the more our works bare, not success, but fruit..for His Kingdom, not for ourselves.”
Bam. So good. That’s it. Following His leading not our own. I, and a good number of people, have such a skewed view of what success looks like at times. What “being a good Christian” looks like. We are the people pleasers of the world. Those that strive to measure up to the worlds standards, or a weird fusion of God-world standards. And it just ends up one big hot mess.
May we refocus our minds on what God has for us, and recast the vision of total dependence on one thing (that is not our abilities, actions, or attributes): God.
Fortunately, I believe I am at a level of maturity where I don’t even think anymore if God’s looking down and saying those “atta boys,” or that I have to submit some sort of resume.
Unfortunately, growing up as a Pastor’s Kid it’s taking me but all of 34 years to reach this point, and as Donald put it, I definitely was one of those Christians who could absolutely relate. Always trying to best myself so that I could be one of those “successful” Christians.
Meh.
Ben,
What would you say was a catalyst or turning point for you, as far as no longer needing to seek approval from God? Or was it just the result of maturity and time with Christ?
To be honest, once I left the crib 5 years ago…metaphorically. This meant moving my family some 2,500 miles away from my parents, where my wife and I HAD to lean on each other, but more importantly God.
Experiencing His unconditional love through being saved, I learned to just “be” in and with Him instead of “try,” and boy has it been a relief.
Nicole,
I just had a very real thought. Check this out.
So, I’m standing in a room with a HUGE pile of potatoes on the floor in front of me. I am told to move the potatoes off the floor and put them in a room behind me, and it just so happens that room’s door is wide open. This is gong to be a daunting task, to be sure.
So, I reason it out and come up with a plan. I stand with my back to the room where the potatoes have to go and start grabbing them, one by one, using both hands, and flinging them over my shoulders, hoping they are all going into the room which is their ultimate destination.
I throw and throw and throw and never look behind me, I just keep throwing those potatoes over my shoulders, two at a time, believing they are landing in the room they are to go into. I develop a rhythm, a flow, and I am able to relax intellectually while I work and spend my time conversing with our Father inside my head. The work continues and it almost seems like second nature to throw these potatoes. I am working, talking with our God, having a great time, and the potato pile eventually is gone.
I stop and realize I am done. I have completed the task put before me. Turning around, I see that each potato has landed perfectly into the room where they were supposed to go, and none of them were lost or fell short.
I completed my task without prematurely looking at the end result while I was working, or thinking I knew how it would all turn out. I completed my task without worrying if I was doing it correctly. I completed my task while talking with our Father while I did what I was supposed to do, and He was the focus of my real attentions.
What does this “vision” have to do with your post here? heh…I was wondering if on your spiritual resume you had “potato thrower” listed.
Let it sink in. There’s something there for you.
I LOVE that God gave you this analogy…thank you for sharing.
Not a problem that I struggle with; I relate more to Josh here. But just want to add that whereas logic dictates God would select individuals who were striving to please him, it’s pretty amazing how many times in the Bible God, to demonstrate his omnipotence and irresistable divine perogative, use real tools (and I don’t mean in the positive sense) to get his job done. I’m reading again through Genesis, and there are some real shady characters there (I’m looking at you, Jacob) who God for his own reasons chose to use. Jonah, Samson and some of the lesser known judges were also not exactly the type with sterling resumes. But just goes to show that God will use whatever is available to get the job done — and in many cases just to make a point, he’ll use the unlikeliest of candidates…
It’s funny, I’ve been reading Henri Nouwen’s “The Return of the Prodigal Son,” and in one part he writes that although he identifies a lot with the prodigal son in the parable, he can also be like the elder son. Which, now that I think about it, maybe we can all be like the elder son from time to time.
I tend to do the opposite, which is just as bad. I compare myself to others and tell God why they are more qualified than I am. There is always someone else that seems more spiritual or talented and I have a hard time not comparing myself. I’m getting better about it, but I have to be on guard for that attitude.
Unfortunately this is an unspoken attitude fostered by most churches; God may accept you just the way you are, but you’re never good enough for the church. If we can ever get rid of this attitude, maybe then we can have authentic Christianity – a Christianity where broken people can be broken, and learn from, and support each other in their messy lives.