Ever wonder what exactly is acceptable from a purity standpoint within a dating relationship? Is holding hands the extent or can you make-out (with tongue)? What if you happen to do a little more…where do you draw the line?
Well, my friend and writer Ally Spotts just wrote an e-book called Asking All The Wrong Questions: Why Christians are Waiting for Marriage for Sex? Basically, Ally demystifies this question and challenges Christians to begin asking the right questions about sex.
I was lucky enough to get my hands on an early copy and let me tell you, Ally pulls no punches. She says what everyone is thinking. If you are a single Christian navigating the dating world have you ever asked yourself any of these questions:
If I’m saving sex for marriage can I have oral sex? Is that wrong?
How much kissing is too much kissing? Can we sleep in the same bed?
What about dry humping? What’s the verdict on that?
When it comes to touching am I allowed to touch and be touched in whatever ways I want as long as it’s over the clothes?
What if I get an orgasm from it? Is that wrong?
What about getting naked? Can I take my shirt off as long as my pants are on? Can one of us be naked if the other one isn’t?
What is the right combination of nakedness to clothes to prevent myself from being convicted of sexual sin?”
Whew. Ally’s questions are truthful and honest. And as Ally points out, those are the questions we want to ask, but instead we ask the “safer,” socially-acceptable questions.
What we really want to ask is, how far can I go sexually and get away with it? At least, that’s what I always wondered when I was dating. But somehow I knew the answer to that question already. I knew in the back of my mind, in my heart, and in my Spirit, that any act within a dating relationship that left me feeling scuzzy, questionable, or ashamed was not what God had in mind for me.
“Too far” is when we reject God’s word when it tells us to “Flee from sexual immorality…” because…”Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18
“Too far” is when we substitute the good things God has waiting for us in marriage with the less-than great things available to us before marriage.
“Too far” is when we think we can manage our own lust and be our own judge. But as Ally writes, lust is not manageable.
“Too far” is what leaves us with emptiness and brokenness within marriage for something we thought we could control outside of marriage.
Having made the mistake myself, I know all too well what the world tells you is sexually acceptable versus God’s instruction. One offers life. The other death.
I’m so excited that Ally is taking on these questions and compelling Christians to ask the questions they have really been wanting to ask. Because if we don’t have the freedom to ask, then we end up with the wrong answers.
Are you waiting for sex until marriage? Do you feel convicted to do so? Are you excited to wait? How far is too far in your mind? Have you ever failed to keep your own boundaries?
If you are intrigued and would like to read more from Ally Spotts’ new book Asking All The Wrong Questions: Why Christians are Waiting for Marriage for Sex? you canpurchase a copy for only .99. As a bonus, all proceeds will help support her in her new ministry, alongside her soon-to-be husband.