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30 Things You Never Want to Hear Your Significant Other Say

It’s the first Wednesday of the new year, which means today I’m writing about my two favorite people: Men and Women. The blogosphere is all abuzz with the new Mark Driscoll book, Real Marriage. I thought I ‘d respond to some of the critics and supporters of the book, but alas, I decided to write something fun instead.

The following is a list of things you never want to hear your boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse say to you. We’ve all heard them too–the lame line that lingered in our minds. The mortifying comment we never shared with another soul. Perhaps you’ve even said some of these yourself. Disclaimer: Some of these comments are marriage specific, i.e. they deal with sex, so hopefully your boyfriend or girlfriend wouldn’t be saying those things to you in the first place.

So let the unsavory, rude, embarrassing, and plain old selfish comments begin:1. Umm…we need to talk

2. Remember that boyfriend/girlfriend from high school/college? Well I ran into them last night…

3. It’s not me. It’s you.

4. I never liked your mother.

5. What exactly does the word “vow” mean to you because I think I may have a different definition?

6. So, about last night…

7. I actually lost my job three weeks ago and I’ve been going to _______ everyday since then.

8. Love is never having to say you are sorry.

9. I find monogamy to be over-rated.

10. You look a lot less fat in that outfit.

11. Mmmm…thanks. (After you say “I love you”)

12. I’m going on a walk about (Can I get some Crocodile Dundee love?)

13. I’ve got to do some “soul searching”

14. We can still be friends.

15. I’m not sure if I ever loved you.

16. I can’t be with because you are just too good for me.

17. I’m still figuring out who I am.

18. I’m still friends with all my exes.

19. I’m moving to Antarctica and want to know if you’ll join me?

20. I’m becoming a raw vegan and want to know if you’ll join me?

21. I’m joining the circus to pursue my life long dream of becoming a tight rope walker and want to know if you’ll join me?

22. [To a woman] It’s just like a diamond. They call it a “Cubic Zirconia.”

23. [To a man] I guess I’ve been looking for a man who reminds me of my mother.

24. See that thing growing on my back? What do you think that is?

25. [Upon exiting the bathroom] Come here, smell this.

26. I’m not in the mood. Again.

27. We were on a break. (Thank you Ross and Rachel)

28. [To a man] Do you think I’m prettier than Charlize Theron?

29. You never do ____ anymore.

30. We should see other people.

So go ahead, let’s hear it. What would you add to the list? What is the worst thing a significant other has ever said to you? You can of course remain anonymous…