When my husband and I were engaged, I asked him if he would be willing to stay home once we had kids and I could go off the the office each day. He laughed and said sarcastically “If that’s what you really want.” I never really joked about it again.
Last year while attending a blogger conference, I met a stay-at-home dad/blogger/author. I have to admit, I was kinda shocked. I had never known a stay-at-home dad, or” house husband,” or my personal favorite, “house spouse”. Needless to say, I asked him a lot of questions.
Soon after, a family member of mine decided he needed to stay home with his boys while his wife pursued her education. Now, it seems SAHDS (admittedly, not the best abbreviation) are on the rise.
Despite the increase in stay-at-home dads of late, I’m still figuring out what I think of this new phenomena…
For starters, I think it’s pretty cool. Okay, not like super-cool, I wanna-do-it-too-cool, but still cool.
The reason being, I think it is practical and, since I’m a practical girl, it makes sense. It seems that most men who are staying home to tend to their bambinos, are doing so for logistical, financial, and/or logical reasons.
I don’t think most dads are tying on an apron just because their wives had a bad day or need a break. Instead, they are doing that which our husbands are called to do: love.
Fathers are offering to stay home and take care of their children on a daily basis because it is, perhaps, at least for the time being, what is best for their family.
My husband would do it in a heartbeat if that is what we needed. If Google called me up and said “Nicole, we desperately need you…your expertise, brains, charm, and passion” (hey, it could happen) while, meanwhile, my husband was out of work, no doubt he would let me go.
I admit, though, that I still feel a little uneasy about the whole concept of stay-at-home dads. I hate even admitting this because it makes me sound like some close-minded, sexist, right-winger.
It’s funny too because I myself, never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. It is a role I still grapple with and fight against. So why the hang up?
I’m not sure except that, perhaps, I am a little bit more old-fashioned than I think. Perhaps, too, that I fear the feminists winning. They would call this a “win” right?
Except that, in a family devoted to Jesus, a dad staying home to take care of his children is anything but a point on the feminist scoreboard. Instead, it is a loud, glaring reminder that God is not a pig-headed, sexist, woman-hating deity.
It is also the visible display of love in action. A man loving his wife, loving his children, and loving the home they have created. And, well, it doesn’t get much manlier than that.
What do you think of stay-at-home dads? Do you care either way? Know any stay-at-home dads yourself?
I think it is cool if both are okay with it and the husband has the ego to handle it. My wife stayed home until the girls went to school. She will be staying home again once June 4th arrives (cut backs at work). All I can say is if I had stayed home, we would have had some mighty skinny or healthy kids & parents. My cooking skills end at burning water. :)
Bill,
I agree that both the husband and wife need to agree or it will never work.
As for your cooking, looks like the burnt toast image is for you. :)
But I also agree that it is slam dunk against the “feminist” idea that men are pigs. I think it is a great act of love to do so.
As an egalitarian I think it’s great. I’m get really angry and sad when I hear pastors call for church discipline for dads who stay at home. Again, it’s enforcing 1950s gender roles on (post)modern families and claiming it’s Biblical.
Since most families worked in or from the home in the pre-modern world, nearly all dads were stay-at-home dads, and nearly all moms were stay-at-home moms.
I have a couple of friends who are stay-at-home spouses (male and female) and they are wonderful, hard-working people who devote themselves fully to the full-time job of raising their children. And you can totally tell… it makes a difference!
All of that to say, thanks for another excellent post – I think you’re spot on!
Are you kidding me jr? Church discipline for dads who stay home? Man, I would leave that church in a mega heartbeat. What pastor has the right to do or say that, except an egotistical pompous idiot? BTW: I am a pastor and this stuns me.
Bill,
I know what you mean. Lest you think I’m blowing smoke… here it is from the horse’s mouth:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WPVxndUcHQ
It’s at 4:05 if you can’t stomach the whole thing.
That video gives me nightmares….the first time I saw it though I thought an interesting critique I saw was that he also doesn’t believe women should teach, yet essentially his wife is teaching with him….?…..
I have never heard of a pastor blasting fathers for staying home.
I’ll watch the video you linked. I’m intrigued.
I think, like you touched on, if the priority is doing what is best for your family, then that is all that matters.
I do understand and even sympathize, however, with some men not being okay with staying home–just like some women.
It is a personal choice and one that needs to be made by each family, for their own reasons.
Thanks for your thought JR.
Ok. This will likely be unpopular, but I’m just gonna say it…
I’m deeply disturbed by the trend of stay-at-home dads.
First let me say that my heart absolutely melts when I see a dad taking care of his kids. That’s not it. It’s that I see a lot, and I mean a LOT, of SADS in my part of town. If I go to the grocery store in the middle of the day, they are there… and from what I’ve learned from those who live in my complex is that it has more to do with the dad giving up on finding a job that will support the family, leaving the wife to work full-time because her skills were more marketable (even if she has to work 2-3 jobs to make ends meet).
I’ve seen resentment in the eyes of the women, who admittedly started out wanting time out of the home, and then felt like it was all just left on their shoulders and they didn’t have a choice. Even if the dad was taking care of the kids, cooking and cleaning…rising each morning to pack her a lunch and make her breakfast, she still ends up resenting that he’s staying home with the kids.
I’m sure that’s not always the case. But I honestly wonder if this is one of those indicators of the downturn of our society. Those great civilizations of the past fell for a number of reasons, and always on the list is that the positions of women and men changed. Biblically speaking the man is supposed to be the head of the household. Could a Christian woman who is working while her husband stays home still respect him as the head?
Yes, I agree that in the current economic struggles that it may be necessary. I’m just iffy about the longterm effects on the marriage.
Dee Dee –
Why in your eyes does working outside the home equate to leading the household? I get that money brings about power, but any person – man or woman – who follows Jesus is called to a different metric for power relationships (Matthew 6, Mark 12, for instance)
And I get where you’re coming from: if I had similar experiences with my friends I would probably distrust the SAHDs model as well (maybe a better acronym?). But of the several SAHDs families I know, none of them exhibit this sort of resentment. Might that indicate that the model itself isn’t flawed, but that – just as with so many other marriage issues – the real problem is communication?
Finally, I haven’t ever heard that gender roles are responsible for societal disintegration. Could you cite some clear examples of what you mean?
I don’t have strong opinions on this yet, but in response to DeeDee:
What about women who know they can make more than their husbands, but instead are staying at home with the kids while they struggle to get by on their husbands’ income? If the man is supposed to be the head of the household, could a Christian woman who is in this situation still respect him as the head?
Resent can come in many different ways for many different reasons. I’m not sure whether the possibility of creating resentment is the best metric to use, if resentment can just as easily be bred in the opposite situation.
I’m not married, so maybe this disqualifies me from the conversation, but at the same time, the thought of submitting to someone else is really, really hard. But no matter what form that submission takes or how hard it is given the circumstances, I think that Christ is our example: joyfully doing what needs to be done and obeying the authority that God has placed in our lives.
Oh I fit your description very well! My backround: When I was pregnant with our first child, my husband and I both worked full time (we had just started new jobs after seeing our business go bankrupt in the failing housing market). I made more at my job than my husband, quite a bit more and had great benefits provided. However, after our son was born I ‘had’ to go back to work because I felt like I needed to to help provide financially. That was until about a month later my husband came to me and asked me to sit down with him and figure out how we could make it work for me to stay home.
We both felt God calling me to stay home with our son. Although it was VERY difficult (no cell phones, no internet, no cable, never eating out, making everything from scratch, and having less than ideal insurance coverage) but we made it work.
I think I would say to the Christian woman who knows she can make more than her husband and are struggling financially, that they just need to continue to allow their husbands to work. That they need to stand by them and encourage them. They should be taking great care to stretch their dollar. At the end of the day I would say they (the husband and wife) need to know and understand that in fact God is the one who provides for their family, and He will do that in whatever way He decides to.
I am still a SAHM to our 2 little ones, and nearly 2 years later, YES things are still tight financially, YES its hard on my husband that he doesn’t always feel that he can provied ‘enough’ but we have always had a roof over our head, food on our table, and clothes on our backs. We are well taken care of and our children are well loved :-)
I think you bring up a great point. If a woman makes more, but chooses to live off of her husband’s smaller salary could she still respect him?
I say heck yes!
If my husband chose to lead our family by asking me to stay home and live off of a smaller income as a result, who am I to say no and disrespect his request?
Reason being, money is not an indicator of success in God’s economy.
The Lord prioritizes His values over worldly financial success. If His values means me respecting my husband’s wishes and staying home, then I would gladly do so–with less $ in my wallet or not.
Thanks for the real-life example! Also, just to clarify, I was just offering it as a counter-argument to Dee Dee’s comment. I absolutely believe that it would be possible to submit in that situation, though. (Just as I believe that it would be possible to submit in a situation where the husband wants the wife to work.) Each scenario poses its own difficulty, but we don’t judge obedience on how difficult it is, but rather on the example and power of Christ.
@ Dee Dee-In looking at Jesus’s life, it was largly due to women funding his ministry that he was able to travel everywhere. So I think that we shouldn’t give so much weight to who has the job in the family. Being the spiritual leader of a home has way less to do with occupation than we think it does.
@ Nicole-The stay at home dad that I know is amazing. He is definitely the spiritual leader of his family, and he has used his time at home to make his household a place where many can gather in fellowship. It still strikes me a little weirdly, too, seeing stay at home dads, but I think that comes from my humanity more than it comes from any biblically based precedents.
Dee Dee,
I can completely understand your position.
If resentment were to rise up in a marriage where teh man is staying home, well then it seems to me that there are other factors at play–including a lack of communication.
If my heart was set on being home with my children, but I had to go seek work outside of the home and let my husband take care of kids, unless I had settled this with God, resentment could sneak in.
Just like in anything, if we don’t offer our less-than-desirable circumstances before the Lord, the consequences can be harmful.
I think the rise in men staying home overall is in part due to “equal rights” propaganda. But again, in a home devoted to Christ where the husband and wife have prayerfully come to an agreement, I see no issue.
Dee Dee,
I welcome your voice here! In the scenarios you’ve described, something does seem to be amiss. But, I don’t know if it is the mere presence of the Stay-at-Home-Dads. It may be the case, as JR says that in the resenting looks lie a lack of communication, understanding and the mutual submission that is required of all Christians, especially within families.
But, if the fathers in those situations are in fact lazy or something, then of course that is a problem. But, like JR said, most of the people that I know who have been in that situation, it has been because it is the best thing for the family. Everyone is working, everyone is contributing, everyone is supporting, everyone is submitting. That is the ideal. In the absence of those things, resentment casts its steely gaze.
Additionally, how can one say that the mere generation of income be considered a loss of leadership? I mean, even if we grant that the male, by virtue of his anatomy, must reign in hierarchical position of power over the female, by virtue of her anatomy (and I don’t grant this), how does choosing to stay home because it is overall better for the family’s survival and flourishing deny leadership, etc? Isn’t that devalue the culturally defined and inscribed role of the woman in the home?
As a student of history, I’d love to be enlightened as to some historical examples of societal collapse, as I know of none that aren’t remembrances that are more about the maintenance of current cultural identity than actual historical analysis. But, I only know in part.
This is a really awesome post. I have actually thought about this in the last few days because the pastor we are staying with in Macedonia is a stay at home dad. Here is what I think:
1. I think there is huge imbalance in our culture when it comes to parental roles. I want to be a dad (gotta get married first) that loves his family. I think there is a curse in our generation of emotional disconnectedness in our culture. I HATE IT!
2. As a man — I want to be the provider for my family. There is something masculine about that. I think I might struggle with that if I were presented the situation. But in the end it is not about my desires and I know my worth comes from much more then work I do.
My husband is a stay-at-home dad of our three small (now 3.5, 2, and 6 months) while I’m in graduate school full-time. I LOVE IT!! He loves it. The kids love it. It’s a winning situation all around. He is way more active and engaging with him than I was when I stayed at home, and the kids have really flourished. I come home to them making homemade paper out of dryer lint, putting up a scalable models of the solar system, and learning different languages.
It’s his full-time job…just because it isn’t paid, it’s incredible valuable and the best for our family at this point. When he starts school in the fall, we will mostly switch roles, but he’ll still be at home with the kids one or two days a week while I work in college ministry.
Granted, it’s not for everyone, BUT it can be God-honoring and Kingdom-building. Note, we also hold a “complementarian” view of the role of men and women in the home, BUT we don’t hold the traditional view (i.e. women have to stay home and men go out and be the breadwinner).
Just wanted to share my experience!
I love this post….I equally love all the comments, please everyone keep discussing this topic, it is helping me so much! Thank you all for ministering to me. Another awesome one Nicole!
I’m a SAHD. My bride makes more money that I did when I worked. Money earning, however, is not an issue between us or some kind of ‘feminist card’ she could play against me, saying that she is now the leader of our House.
The enemy has done and said everything they can to demean and ridicule me as far as being a SAHD. “You suck. You’re a sissy. Your wife dominates you. What real man doesn’t have a job?” Etc, etc.
My bride is proud of me being able to be the husband, the priest of our House, and the father of our two daughters without feeling the need to manifest this through employment or financial contribution.
The strength of being a godly priest of my House comes in the fact that neither my bride nor I are threatened by this arrangement we have. My leadership over my bride is spiritual, ordained, and untouchable by earthly things.
Would I like to be that guy who has a normal 9 to 5 weekday job and have the weekends off to spend at home with my family? No. Not really. Guys may scoff and look at me sideways, but I’m the one spending every waking second with my daughters. Can they say the same?
Good stuff, Nicole. Thanks for being open and, dare I say it?, defending shmucks like me. :)
Donald,
Thank you so much for sharing.
I agree wholeheartedly, as you stated, that financial contribution is not the key indicator of leadership over a household.
As i wrote in another comment, in God’s economy, money is not valuable (at least not in the way we tend to think of it).
Your leadership as husband comes from God’s design and His Word, not your “job.”
You said it so beautifully here: “My leadership over my bride is spiritual, ordained, and untouchable by earthly things.”
Although as my husband and I were discussing this topic, he admitted that he would find it difficult to stay home, for some of the reasons you mentioned. The enemy loves to attack men in the area of success, career, and financially.
May the Lord bless your time with your girls, as you are committed to them and your family as a whole.
When I was younger (between the ages of 3-5) my dad was a stay-at-home dad. I don’t remember those days but both my parents have told me about it. I believe during that time my mom was working and going to school and they didn’t want to drop me off at someone else’s house to take care of me every single day. My parents wanted to raise me, not have someone else raise me. So my dad stayed home with me. My mom says she loved that time in our lives because the house was always clean, dinner was always ready (and my dad is a really good cook), and it made things so much easier because they weren’t spending money on a baby-sitter.
I think that each family has to make this decision individually. It is impossible to make ANY blanket statement that could say it is best this way or that way. At the end of the day, their children are going to benefit from the one on one time they were able to have with either parent.
Personally, it wouldn’t work in our family for my husband to stay at home. He NEEDS to be out working. He is deeply disturbed by the idea of me working while he stays home. On the flip side, some of our close family friends and neighbors while I was growing up made the decision for the husband to stay home while he was working on finishing his Masters and then Doctorate in Education. His wife has a very good job as an engineer. They are believers, and they always had a great outlook on it and their girls have such a great relationiship with their dad- something that is very important. Once the girls were both in school he was able to finish his schooling and now they both work. But they together made that decision and were both great parents and provided very well for their family.
Just for this discussion, does anyone have a Biblical example of a wife being the provider for a family when the husband is not incapacitated in some way?
Off the top of my head, without doing any research, we know that the Proverbs 31 woman was a savvy businesswoman and entrepreneur.
She sold fabric and purchased land.
More to Jr. original point in a comment above, back then men and women were both “home” so to speak. People did not go into an office each day from 9 to 5.
I’ll be interested to see if anyone has any other Biblical examples.
Great question Jason.
Jason,
For a biblical analysis of Titus 2 (which informs much of this discussion), see BW3 on Grace and Mark’s usage of the passage to denounce stay at home dads. BW3 does a good job placing the verse in its cultural context.
Jason, sorry, here is the link :: http://blog.beliefnet.com/bibleandculture/2010/10/husbands-as-stay-at-home-dads.html
I’d be willing to be a stay-at-home dad. My female friends say I’d make a good one. I just have to get married and make babies first.
I think that resentment can arise in any situation. I know great stay at home dads, I know great stay at home moms. I struggled a lot with wanting to stay at home with my first after my year of mat leave (yes I love being canadian) I find my job very satisfying and fulfilling which in turn helps me be a better mom. What I start to resent it that even though we are both working, I do a majority of the household management. Is that resentment because I work? No it’s because their is an imbalance.
People argue to over what is better, a stay a home mom, a work at home one or one who doesn’t work at all? I think it really depend on how each situation affects you as a person. I may work, but I am very intentional about spending time with my kids and work is done for me, it’s done. If I worked from home I think I would struggle a lot more with where to draw the lines.
I think every family needs to find balance and what works for them. Also what works now, may not work later. If my husband got laid off tomorrow I would go back to work full time and he would stay home.
It bothered me a bit when I read comments stating that it is biblical for the man to be the head of the household and spiritual leader of the household. The bible does not say the man is the head of the “house” – it says the man is the head of the “woman.” Headship does not equal leadership. It is either a metaphor for oneness in marriage OR it means source. The metaphor is describing a physical head and physical body making up one unit. Source means woman came from man. Nowhere in the bible does it say that the man is supposed to be the leader.
It seems we have put our assumptions on this verse to get it to say that the man is the head of the “household.” We made another assumption and made that mean that the man is supposed to be the “spiritual leader.” Then we made another assumption to get to our topic, which is whether or not a man can stay home with his children.
Meredith,
Firstly, let me thank you for your comment and contribution to this conversation.
As to your point, you are right that the Bible does not say the man is the head of the “house.” I would have to disagree, however, with your statement that “headship does not equal leadership.” By definition, the word “headship” is a position of leadership, or an office of leadership.
And while the Bible does not expressly say man is the head of the “house” but rather head of the woman, I believe that as man and woman become one and form a family of their own, that if the man is the head of the woman, he is by default the head of the home, as well.
In Ephesians 5:22-26, the word used is “submit.” “Wives submit to your husbands” or also “wives are subject to their husbands.” Anyone I am subject to is in leadership over me. Genesis 3:16 is the same root word used. No, it’s not popular thinking or politically correct. However, in serving Christ, I am not attempting to be politically correct.
As Paul stated, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
I have no problem submitting to the headship of my husband. For one thing, as I read on in Ephesians, I know that my husband too is subject to Someone–Jesus Christ. My husband is called to love me as Christ loves the Church. If ever there was a source of encouragement, there it is. My husband’s role as leader of our home does not make me some mindless, thoughtless drone nor does it make my husband a sexist, slave-driving taskmaster. We both submit to Christ.
You said that no where in the Bible does it state that the man is suppose to be the leader. Ephesians 5:23 is rather clear to me, however: “For the husband is to be the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the Church.” If comparing the husband as head of the wife to Christ as head of the Church is not a position of leadership than we perhaps have a greater issue to discuss. Christ is the head of the Church. If we say He is not, than that is another conversation for another time.
Interesting post, interesting comments. The man is the “head” of the Body, the woman the “heart”. That doesn’t mean that one is better then the other — both are necessary to draw Life.
Both my parents worked, but my dad’s job afforded him the luxury of working from home, so he was the one who was there when we were sick, when the school called, and traded coupons with the women in our neighborhood. It worked for them, and us kids.
As a mother myself now, though, *I* want to be home with the kids. Could my husband do it? Yes, he certainly could. When our third was born we wrestled with the idea of switching roles but truthfully, I wanted to be there, be home with them. Here’s what I’ve found (and it’s not a blanket statement nor is it popular): marriages where moms work outside of the home seem to suffer. Again, this is just my observational experience and does *not* cover “all” by any stretch of the imagination. My parent’s marriage suffered (Mom didn’t want to work but “had” to). My husband and I have front-row seats to a crumbling marriage after the mom went back to work full-time. Again, I’m using the term “full-time moms” here, not women. I am hesitant, at this point in my life, to reverse rolls. And I think God did make men to be “hunters & gatherers” and this is their duty. But not exclusively. I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s perspective here. And would absolutely shout-down anyone who suggested that a dad that stayed home to care for his family full-time was anything but the man God created him to be.
Man is the head and woman is the heart. True story.
If you were to come to House Borsch and comment on the decor, it would all be my bride who did it. She represents herself in our House in this way. I can honestly say that I really have no fear of entertaining visitors because my bride has poured herself into the image that House Borsch possesses.
My bride does not want to be the head and I do not want to be the heart, so our covenant works quite well within accepted and endorsed roles.
I dug your words, jennibell!
SIDE NOTE:
Since man is indeed the head of woman, why is there a call to have females within The Bride to have authority over men? Which one of these issues is truth and which one is nonsense? Just a thought.
Donald,
Well-said (IMHO) :)
I like your side note too. . .it’s a tough thing in this modern world. Although there are many strong females in the Bible, those that showed hospitality to Paul, Ruth, the Marys, Proverbs 31 Woman, etc. they seem to stand alone and we don’t see an example of their leadership over men. Think of Timothy. . .he learned from his mother and grandmother when he was a BOY…our example as mothers and teachers….to teach the children and let the men lead us. Of course this has nothing to do with dads staying at home to raise their families but since Donald voiced it. . .another post for you another time Nicole!
jennibell,
You said:
“Think of Timothy. . .he learned from his mother and grandmother when he was a BOY…our example as mothers and teachers….to teach the children and let the men lead us.”
I’m in love with those comments.
Women are so crucial in the formation of the faith of their daughters AND sons. While it is true that I am all about the spirit of sonship and the Fatherhood of God, this in no way implies I believe women are worthless in matters of faith. You cited Timothy, and a great example this is! Raised by his mom and grandmother, Timothy later submits himself to Paul as a spiritual son. His mom and grandmother raised him right!
For starters, *I* am a stay at home dad. So, insert my obvious bias into this discussion. :)
When my wife and I were debating about what to do with our son (now age 2) once her maternity leave was up, we sat down one night and did a quick evaluation of our work schedules (as best one can evaluate such things in higher education). When we realized rather quickly that on a GOOD day, after we dropped him off at day care, arranged for a student to pick him up/sit with him until we got off work, and found someone to sit with him at night while we went to campus programs, we MIGHT spend about maybe two hours of time with him – most of which would be taken up in eating meals, changing diapers, or giving him a bath – we decided that this was not an acceptable scenario for him or for us as a family.
Her job provided us with housing as part of her salary. So, I left behind a 15-year career working in higher education to – as one of my professors from grad school called it – “commit professional suicide” by staying home with my kid.
And I gotta admit: it took ME a while to get comfortable with the idea, as I had never known any man to ever try this before.
I’ve taken a lot of abuse from those who claim to represent the gospel (the clown in the aforementioned video is just one of them), friends, colleagues, complete strangers even – all who have questioned my masculinity, my ability to be the leader in our house, and my sanity (I’ll give them that last one; *I* have questioned my own at times as well).
But at the end of the day, I – as the father and husband – am simply providing for my son a stable, loving environment where he can see a positive male role model (good luck finding a lot of those in daycare) and I’m providing for my wife security of heart and mind, knowing that our son is safe.
…minus the times we discover new and exciting bugs outside, that is.
Well from what I understand from Jesus is that being “the head” involves a lot of self sacrifice and servanthood. Sounds like you are doing this beautifully so I guess that makes you a pretty good head!
Sonny,
Thank you so much for your comment and for your honesty.
I think your story is an excellent one and paints the picture of many stay-at-home-dads. There is a struggle between doing what is best for your family, while battling lies from the enemy and nay-sayers about your decision.
No doubt your son will be blessed (and is currently blessed) having his father home to care for him. I love your point too about giving your son a daily, Godly, male example. No, you are right, that sure ain’t gonna happen in daycare.
May the lord bless you and your home as you live your life devoted unto Him.
I’m a SAHD and have been doing so for the last couple of years. I think we probably will never be the majority but the stats show that we are increasing in numbers. I think the biggest advantage of Stay at Home Dads is that as our children grow up our sons now have another option, SAHD. Instead of just having to work your whole life you can actually choose to stay home and raise your kids….this is such a revolutionary idea!! MainLineDads supports any dad who wants to tackle this highly rewarding career choice!
As a stay at home dad of three kids ages 7, 4, and 16 months I can honestly say that staying at home is one of the best jobs there is. Before I stayed at home I was a teacher so I had experience with small children but when my salary was just covering day care expenses it seemed like a no brainer to stay with the kids. While it is hard to juggle everything kid related and the household it holds challenges that are like any job. Sometimes your employees are disgruntled and you need to find ways to placate them. I have met many stay at home dads you are just awesome at raising their kids. The impact that dads can have on their children while staying at home is palpable. The major difficulty I have found as a house spouse is breaking into the stay at home mom’s groups. Women are just much better at initiating conversation and I have found that sometimes moms are wary of a dad who stays at home. However, there are exceptions to the rule. I moved from an area where the moms of the preschool children welcomed me with open arms so it was refreshing to be a part of a group that was inclusive. I have never felt closer to my kids. Teaching can wait. I am going to enjoy every moment I have with my kids while I can.
Oh a stay at home dad… now to me that is on the HOT list !!! A man that takes time to look after his kids would get a massive amount of respect from me. I come from a culture where this is commonly done the children always come out more rounded and aren’t resenting the ‘paycheck dad’ trust me I have seen to many of those.
I have mentored kids that now HATE I repeat hate their dads because they thought even looking after them for 30 mins was below them. I couldn’t think of anything worse than my own kid hating me.
On a personal note my dad took 9 months off of work to raise me. He never thought clearing up after his kid was low. Which I think many men do the often see it as not only a low job but a female role. As a result I am a lot more tough, understanding , outgoing and I think it helped put a fight in me : ) My father was told off a number of times by some church people about this so called issue. He would just reply in my culture this is acceptable and I am not breaking any rule is the bible. GO him
I would like to conclude by saying all the SAHD’s Women out there highly respect you. They see it as you honouring your family, respecting choice and getting down with your paternal side. Did I mention women find this VERY attractive!