Today’s post is from Antwuan Malone and is the second part in our “Christian and sexy” series. Last week we discussed singles. Today we are talking about married people. To read my thoughts on whether or not Christians be married and sexy, head over to Antwuan’s blog.
It’s funny hearing married people talk about what’s sexy.
At a marriage conference several years ago, someone performed a skit about how sexy it is to see a man, of all things, vacuuming a floor. Yes, vacuuming the floor. Seriously. I mean, the guy in the skit grabbed that vacuum, and the ladies in the crowd went bananas. You’d think it was Bradley Cooper or Johnny Depp or <insert your fave Hollywood hunk here>.
Vacuuming? Really?
Funny because when those aforementioned hunks of Hollywood show up on screen, they don’t seem to need a vacuum, or a dust mop, or a “kiss the cook” apron for the ladies to swoon. I’m just saying. I could go on about that but there’s a word limit to adhere to and question to answer.
The question: Is it okay to be married, Christian, and sexy?
Like the post about Christian singles and sexiness, we’d have to begin with what the heck “sexy” is in the context of marriage. Is it different than when we are single? Is there more to it? Less? One thing is for sure, there was nary a mention of brooms or dust mops in the “single” comments!
I still say that “being sexy” is appealing favorably to the sexual preferences of men and/or women.
We could probably post an entire series about what sexiness is and what it means to people. The conversation would be interesting, to say the least. But that’s not today’s topic. Today, we’re asking if sexiness, however defined, has a place in Christian marriages.
Uh… yes. In fact, I’d say yes to sexiness in marriage more emphatically than I would for singles.
One of the biggest problems in marriages is that both parties end up putting sexiness on the back burner, as if it was the bait for the fish, instead of fuel to the engine. Ok, well, Jesus should be the fuel. So maybe sex is like the power steering fluid. Sex and sexuality help make marriage ride a
little smoother.
I mean, you could steer without it power steering fluid, but why would you? It’s so much more difficult.
So yes, sexiness in marriage is not only okay, it’s recommended! I think both parties would agree. So fellas, if that means grabbing a vacuum, then however dorky and completely, illegitimate as that may sound, you probably should work the vacuum. Ladies, same for you, though I don’t think vacuums play much into your sexiness.
All jokes aside. Many people speak for hours about this topic. It’s hard to sum it up in a short blog. So I’ll say this. Marriage is hard work. Families are hard work. And because of that, couples often lose each other in familial duties, roles, finances, jobs, kids, etc…
In all of that, couples can’t forget to have fun together. To tease (sexually and otherwise). To flirt. To illicit sexual desire from your mate. To continue to hunt (fellas) and be hunted (ladies). (Perhaps another post for another time).
There’s no one else we’re allowed to entertain any sexual thoughts with but our spouse. And that’s hard for men. Last week, we talked about sexy singles being a stumbling block to sin. In marriages, it’s the reverse. No sex, no sexuality, no sexiness often can lead to men sinning. It’s just too easy to find sexuality around us when we’re not looking for it. Close the window and the thief can’t get in, if you know what I mean.
And fellas, while sexiness does have a more physical element for us, we need to do what it takes provide the non-physical intimacy she desires. I call it heart sex (which frankly, leads to more real sex). Attending to her, appreciating her, listening to her, helping around the house — these equate to sexiness for many a married woman, regardless of how much bacon you bring home. These actions will no doubt help carry your marriage far.
So Christian, married, and sexy?
Yes! Yes! And Absolutely!
Your turn to respond. How do you define sexiness in marriage? Do you think it is okay for a husband or wife to be “sexy”? What do you think sexiness in marriage looks like?
Antwuan Malone is a freelance writer and blogger at www.antwuanmalone.com: Candid Christianity. There he likes to engage in relevant Christian conversation about challenges facing the church both from within the church and outside of it. To read more from Antwuan, check out this post on being judgmental
So you’ve covered single and sexy, and now married and sexy. Is divorced and sexy the next topic, or will you cover widowed and sexy instead? What about celibate and sexy? (That’s a shout-out to my Catholic priests and nuns, what!)
What a great idea! :)
j/k. No, I think this is it.
Donald,
I sense your mockery, sir.
I was thinking something more along the lines of sexy leadership….Can Elders be sexy?
I kid.
Nicole,
Indeed, surely not mockery! Consider it more as playful jostling. :)
It still surprises me when guys complain about unfulfilled physical needs and yet they totally slack on their chores.
Take out the trash w/out being asked and watch her swoon.
Well it’s much more complicated than that, I’m sure.
No really, it’s not. As a married woman with two small children…taking out the trash is one of the sexiest things my husband can do.
yeah, but this not because of the trash, but what taking the trash out means. It’s appreciation, consideration, etc… not just trash (w/ the right attitude).
That’s what I meant.
Some guys will see it as something else… some power play or something.
… but I do tend to over-complicate things. :)
KC,
Genius and so true. Why don’t more men understand this? Perhaps their wives aren’t doing a good job communicating.
Love the post Nicole! My wife and I on our ninth year and yes, she thinks its sexy when I do the dishes or wash a sink or two. Just little things that show I’m a part of the HOMEteam. ;)
Yes! The home team! That is a great way to think of it…taking one for the team.
@Kenworth, I find that cuttintg the grass, doing laundary, washing the car and pulling week is a sure way to “get some” from my wife. It just took me seven years of marriage to figure that out!!
Sorry it took you so long, but do your part now and spread the word to husbands everywhere!!
Yes it’s ok for a husband and wife to be sexy! As long as they are being sexy for each other.
You brought about a good point about having fun together; to hunt and be hunted. I will admit that sometimes I play a little hard to get even when I want it as badly as he does- I like being pursued and wanted, it makes me feel sexy. Last week my husband and I went to a concert with 2 other couples. The ladies got up to go out onto the dance floor and I joined them while all the husbands stayed out our table. It wasn’t long before there was a man behind me wanting to dance…and it was my husband. While the other two gals had to find unique maneuvers to avoid unwanted attention my husband was all over me (really, all over me! He is not afraid of PDAs)and it was obvious I was taken. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with dancing by yourself while your husband hangs out on the sidelines, but having my husband come out after me and basically mark his territory was hot. I’m sure feminists would disagree but I like knowing that I belong to my husband and I like that he wants everyone to know it! I’ll say it again, it’s hot. ;)
Being Married with three young boys is testament to the fact that I find my wife sexy. I think it is reciprocal also. The writer of Hebrews tells us that marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled….sex is good, desirable, and to be shared freely ( except for a time according to Corinthians )within the confines of marriage.
It is sexy to see my wife cook and she shows her appreciation to me when I do things selflessly around the house.
Go figure
*sigh* well THIS isn’t an easy post to read, as a single 21-year-old! It’s great stuff, and I loved all the comments… I SO want this for myself. I hate waiting. Makes it all the more difficult that there’s a certain someone I’m waiting for, and wanting this with. Thankfully he’s waiting for me too though. Patience isn’t a fun thing to learn though :-|