Today, I’m over at one of my favorite blogger spots, the home of Sammy Adebiyi. If you have yet to check out Sammy’s blog, let me tell you, you are missing out.
I’m making a guest appearance on his blog today discussing the topic of whether or not women should attempt to look hot for their husbands.
Here’s a sneak peek:
“…it seems that a whole collection of women have come to believe that marriage is an opportunity to give up and just quit trying. How do I know this? Because I have seen them. I have seen these wives, strolling through Target, pushing a cart at the grocery store, out to lunch with friends.
They are women, who from afar, may appear to be zombies of some sort–disheveled, hair in a scrunchie (I mean, a scrunchie, really? It isn’t 1992), sweat pants blowing in the wind. But upon closer inspection, one realizes that these are not flesh eating creatures, so much as women who have fallen into a rut.”
To read more, please join me over at Sammy’s blog and show some comment love. I hope to see you there.
Nicole,
You really are a button-pusher, ain’t you? Cheeky, cheeky woman, you. :)
Yes, I suppose I am…
As a husband, do I get an opinion on this? Not too sure that I do.
On the flip side many men give up working out and give up pursuing their wives. It’s a vicious cycle.
David,
Lots of men commented over at the actual post….and YES! men have an opinion on this. Marriage is two becoming one, not two people flying solo.
Check out the comments on the post and I think you’ll find it an interesting conversation and discussion.
In a word. Yes.
This makes me sad & is so superficial. This is how Rome loves. Not God! Here’s an example of how God loves… Be prepared to get humbled.
http://vimeo.com/38033654
Sam
Me, unselfishly giving of myself to love and please my husband in an “ordinary” situation is no more impressive to God than Ian & Larissa.
All He is concerned about is the intent of our hearts and us doing our best where He put us. He put Ian & Larissa in their relationship and he put most of us in pretty simple run of the mill situations, where sacrificing to show your partner that you love them, earns an unqualified “hooray” from Him.
As a “recovering zombie”, I’m with you Nicole!
I read the original post (yet daren’t comment there!)
If you had said, “Wives, find out what your husband’s favourite meal is and cook it for him once a week.” or ” Wives, if your husband loves watching sports then when there is a big game on fill the fridge with beer and snacks and tell him to invite a few friends around to watch with him.” then I doubt you’d have got any negative response! And yet – what you suggested is not really that different!
Likewise – a man writing, “Husbands, find out what your wife’s favourite flowers / chocolates / perfume is and buy it for her on special (or not special!) occasions!” or “Husbands, if your wife looks a bit down then offer to look after the children while she goes for a coffee, or to see a movie, with her girlfriends” wouldn’t suffer much censure!
I have to admit to failing a little at ‘looking hot’ but I cannot take offence at your point because it is TRUE and RIGHT! I suspect my husband may overlook a few poor meals if I were dressed in heels and make up!
If there’s no gospel it is called legalism. It’s always a heart issue.
Sorry for being late to the party, but I read your original post last week and I had a couple of thoughts kicking around in my head over the weekend.
I’m pretty sure your intentions were good in writing this piece, but I’ve noticed that you’ve gotten some blowback in the comments as well, and I have to admit I’m agreeing with some of them.
You see, “wives have a duty to look hot for their husbands” is a pretty loaded statement to a lot of women. I kind of wonder if you realize that.
Some women read that and are reminded of all those 1950’s marriage manuals–telling them to have their pearls on and the house immaculate so that hubby can enjoy his newspaper in peace when he gets home. It reminds others of Mark Driscoll (in his last book) reducing his wife to tears for having the audacity to get a haircut without asking his permission first. It reminds others of being told every darn day of their lives (either by the media, or their church, or whoever) that they aren’t a “real” woman unless they act and dress a certain way.
As for myself, it reminded me of every time some “helpful” high school classmate pointed out that I probably didn’t have a boyfriend because of my crooked teeth or my thick glasses or my weird hair–why, if I just fixed those things, I’d be just like the “hot” girls!
In the end, I didn’t change anything and I ended up with a guy who thinks my glasses are wicked hot.
The other thing I’ve learned is that it’s self-confidence, love, understanding, and friendship that are the “hotness” that will keep a mate interested–not lip gloss.
I’m sure you mean well, but please understand that not all women are going to necessarily read “wives have a duty to be hot” and immediately think happy thoughts.