Don't Pick Yourself a Project

Don't Pick Yourself a Project

I love a good makeover and makeover movies are the best–Pretty Woman, Clueless, My Fair Lady (is it weird that I have a 1960s movie listed alongside a movie about a prostitute?)… you get the point. I’m a chick and, well, most chicks love a good makeover.

Before I lose the guys reading, let me ask you this… have you ever had a chick try and make you over? I’m sure you have. You see, women do so many times unknowingly. We simply see a “project” and think to ourselves… “Oh he’d be so cute with a haircut and new shirt… oh, and maybe a tan and some Crest Whitestrips.”

But, why are women so prone to trying to makeover a man?

We aren’t trying to be pushy or manipulative (well, maybe we are just a little) but really we just see the potential in someone. And then in seeing the potential we disregard all social decorum and general decency and try to push our way into “re-doing” someone. Women very often think that we can “change” someone. We feel a sense of empowerment and a thrill of excitement when we pick a project and then successfully change a person.

Some women I have known are in the makeover business, so to speak, because they have these big merciful hearts. They view the potential in anyone and believe they can bring out the best in each person. Their hearts are too big to give up on a guy. While this sounds very sweet and endearing, it leads to some not so endearing romantic relationships.

Other women really just feel powerful in trying to re-create a man to their own specifications. I find this terribly sad for both the woman and man involved. Why would she want a man she feels the need to transform from top to bottom? Why would he want to be with a woman who does not love and adore him just the way he is, flaws and all?

Women have to have the ability to look at a man and say, “I cannot ‘fix’ him.” And then either accept that fact and date him/marry him or accept that fact and move on.

Some women believe too that once they are married, Mr. Mediocre will suddenly morph (like a Power Ranger) into Mr. Wonderful. This, unfortunately, is not what happens. Marriage magnifies every flaw, every idiosyncrasy, and every personality tick. What was once oh-so-cute-and-adorable while dating can become nail-biting, fingers-down-a-chalkboard-annoying in marriage. Women think if they can just marry him, then, and only then, can they start to change him.

If ever there was a time to recognize a woman’s inability to change a man, it is in marriage. I can’t make my husband do anything. I can, however, encourage, guide, motivate, and praise him in certain directions and actions. The Lord showed me very quickly in our marriage that if I ever wanted to see change, I was not suppose to be praying for my husband so much, as much as praying for myself. I needed to pray for my selfishness, my pride, and my grumpy attitude.

So he left a towel on the floor? So what. I was the one who grumbled and complained (under my breath). God told me, in His ever-loving and gentle way, to basically quit my whining and grow up. I needed the makeover. I am the chick in the makeover movie, moving from a street rat to a wealthy socialite (In God’s Kingdom).

Men would never fall victim to this makeover mentality. Can you imagine a guy checking out a girl from across the room and then whispering to his friends “Oh yeah she’d be hot if she just had a different lip gloss color, maybe some high-lights and, oh, maybe a pair of skinny jeans.” Ridiculous. It would never happen. Men love women. They do a much better job of appreciating women for who and what they are. Women could learn a few things from a man about being content and satisfied.

Sadly, though, many women sometimes try and treat guys, and even other women, like they are home improvement projects, a kitchen remodel, a master bath over haul, when the truth is that God is in the remodeling business. We should just leave the makeovers to Him. He really does the best work.

Are you a woman guilty of trying to makeover a man? Or are you a man who has ever been with a woman trying to make you over? Why do you think woman fall prey to this kind of thinking?

6 thoughts on “Don't Pick Yourself a Project”

  1. I love this part :
    “What was once oh-so-cute-and-adorable while dating can become nail-biting, fingers-down-a-chalkboard-annoying in marriage”

    Because, oh gosh, is that true! And it is also true that normally when we want them to change (in marriage), we are the ones that actually need to change.

  2. You are so right. We are usually the ones who need to change in marriage but not necessarily in the ways we think. God reminds me to pray for myself first then my husband second. The Lord is so right in doing so.

  3. I’ve dated a few women who thought they could “fix” me. Each had disastrous results. I don’t need “fixing” first of all. Superficially, I set off more red lights than a traffic jam. I’m fat, loud, overly talkative, obnoxious, broke, bad with money, have no clue how to be romantic, messy, and love dressing down in virtually every siltation. The few who have looked past that however, have seen a man with an incredible vision, who understands his purpose, and has sacrificed everything of himself to pursue what God has put him on the earth to do. That stuff doesn’t always float to the surface.

    Good reading as always.

  4. Joey, you are right. You don’t need fixing. The right girl will know this and see this and here’s why: the right girl will look at *herself* and say you know what “I’m broken but it is Christ who has made me whole,” just as you have said.

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