Last Wednesday I shared a post for all the ladies out there about what NOT to do in a dating relationship. The basic gist for women was–don’t be a creeper. Guys don’t like stalkers.
Today, however, I’m turning the table and writing for the fellas. Today is How to Lose a Girl in 10 Days. Guys, want to know how to win a girl over on a date? Or how to be successful and pin down a second date? I thought so.
Women are complicated, I admit, but if you avoid these dating no-nos, then you might be more successful in the dating department. Ladies, you weigh in, too, please. Help give the guys direction and pointers. The more advice the merrier. So here is what not to do…
1. Forget her name. If you meet a girl you think is attractive, ask her name and remember it. Write it down if you need to. When you see her again, use her name casually. She will think you’ve been thinking about her (which might be true). She will feel special. You win.
2. Invite her to a beer drinking/sporting event. Some girls dig beer guts and linebackers, but most do not. Not to mention, a first date or first hang out is much more appealing when draft beer and wings aren’t involved. Shoot for romantic, not elementary.
3. Don’t plan. Just like a sports bar first date won’t get you far, neither will a lack of planning. Women really like a guy to take charge. Sound cliche? It is, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Guys, plan a nice date. Then do it again. Then do it again. Repeat.
4. Ask for her number, then forget to call. When you finally do call, the window of opportunity has closed. Girls care and want to feel special (see #1). If you say you’ll call, then don’t be a jack@$$. Call her. If you never intend on calling, don’t ask for her number.
5. Stare at other chicks while out on a date. This should be a no-brainer, but guys just seem unable to help themselves sometimes. Sit so you are only facing your date if you need to. Sheesh. Boobs aren’t that great.
6. Don’t pick up the check or ask her to split it. I know, we are in 2010, not 1953, but for the love, buy a girl a movie and dinner. She will like it and notice, trust me. Chivalry goes a long way.
7. Don’t open her door, or walk her to her door, or wait until she is inside. Seeing a theme here? Again, be chivalrous. Girl want to be made to feel like girls, not like your bros.
8. Be a big pig. Listen, if you are a Slobby McSlobberson, she won’t be impressed. Put on a clean shirt. Pick up your apartment. For the love–brush your teeth. She is most likely looking for a future husband, not a boy she’ll need to clean up after.
9. Never ever show your sensitive side. You don’t need to pop in a Lifetime movie and start weeping, but do show your softer side from time to time. She will appreciate it and you’ll score major points.
10. Don’t listen to her. Being distracted in a conversation with a woman is an all around no-no. Women just want to be heard, too. You don’t need to fix her problem, just listen.
11. Be needy, really needy. Ladies don’t like needy. They like confident (not arrogant). Secure (not self-serving). A needy guy is a major turnoff.
12. Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. If you are two different people around her and your friends, she won’t be sticking around for long. If you can’t be the same sweet, caring guy in front of your dudes as you are with her, you should ask yourself why. She will, if you don’t.
13. Live with mom and dad. Joey, a MR reader and all around cool guy, mentioned this one on last week’s post in regards to chicks. Of course, the stereotype applies to men mainly. If you are in mom and dad’s basement, it screams creepy underachiever. Move out first, then ask a girl on a date. Not the other way around.
14. Keep your cell phone out at all times. This applies to ladies, too. If you can’t get through a date without checking your phone 18 times, then maybe you should date your phone. Seriously. This applies also to any geekery–video games, computer games, other geeky things that I don’t know about. Don’t make her compete with your electronics.
15. Come on way too strong. Nothin’ says unattractive like an overly-in-your-business dude. Yes, women want you to call them and remember their name. They do not, however, want to be stalked. Show interest, just not creepiness.
16. Talk about your ex. No one wants to hear about Amber, your beautiful neighbor who reminded you of Joey (a la Katie Holmes) on Dawson’s Creek. Get over it.
17. Tell her she reminds you of her mom. Sayonara dude.
Okay gentleman, now you hopefully have some ideas as to what works with the ladies and what doesn’t. Most of these seem to be common sense, but you’d be surprised how many men fail miserably in the area of dating. No go out and conquer and by conquer, I don’t mean what you think I mean–I mean find a date. Have fun. Be sure to tell me if any of these tips were successful.
What would you add to the list? Guys are you guilty of any of these? Ladies, have you ever had guys commit any of these dating sins?
I agree that chivalry is not dead. I like it when guys show their appreciation for me by opening doors and stuff. I think the main thing a guy should focus on is: what is my motive? If he is a godly man or is looking for someone to eventually settle down with, he should be respectful and courteous. So, bringing a girl to his place after the date and inviting her up could send the wrong message. Also, going for a kiss right away(before you even have time to get to know each other) would probably freak out a Christian girl a little because she would be wondering what his motives are. I think the focus should be on building a friendship first. Also, I don’t think a guy who lives at home is completely out. It does definitely depend on why he is living at home though. If it’s just a transition, then I don’t think any girl would be freaked out, but if he’s never lived on his own and he’s mid-twenties+ then that’s a little scary. Finally, if I knew his mom and she was a strong Christian, I wouldn’t mind being compared to her, but if someone were to make this statement to me, I’d want to know why I remind them of their mom.
Not being upfront if you are dating other people – I’ve seen and experienced firsthand men dating more than one woman and of course in the church and assuming we won’t find out. Seriously be honest about your intentions if you have any at all. Because in the end what happens in the dark definately makes its way to the light.
Toni, so good. I almost listed this one and used the exact word you wrote too “intentions.” A man should be up front and clear about his intentions. I think especially in Christian relationships because a lot of women want to get married. They have a destination in mind and if he is not ready or willing (ie he is off with more than one girl), then he should make that known.
Great point to add to the list! Thanks!
Dont forget to mention that you have a psycho family member (or, MOST of them are psycho!). She’ll find out, and wonder if you hid it because you too, have serious mental issues.
Really.
Spoken from experience I presume. A good one (well not good, but you know what I mean) to add to the list!
:: sigh :: This list reminds me how fun dating was. And also how utterly crazy. I’m on a healthy nostalgia buzz now, thanks :D
I think for guys, a lot of these come back to self-confidence issues. If I have the ability to be thoughtful and considerate, and treat a woman like a decent human being, usually they have responded surprisingly well (I have found this is because the bar has been set shamefully low)
One I would add, though it might belong before this list is
18. Don’t Not Talk to Her. In college, guys would sit at the cafeteria table and pine after women from afar, never working up the courage to talk to them. I found that typically just having the courage to go talk to a woman and have some clean, good-ole-fasioned small talk did wonders for my chances that she’d say Yes to a date.
Jr, I so agree that for many guys these come down to self-confidence or lack thereof.
Don’t talk to her is a great one! In college, I would be friends with a guy for a long time and then later he would tell me he had liked me. He would never talk to me before we were friends, so he lost his chance. Speak up boys. Say hi. Woman are not that scary.
How about eye contact? You said this one for the ladies but guys need to be reminded too. I know my breasts are great but please quit staring at them when you talk to me. Love the moodiness one. Sometimes guys are moodier than a 13 year old girl who just got her period for the first time. It is a huge turn off and frankly we do not have the energy to deal with it. We are trying to control our own moodiness and that of all our girlfriends. Lastly, the planning one is a HUGE deal. It’s not so much that we like a man to take charge, its just that sometimes we would like a break from being in charge. It is my number 1 complaint to my husband. Great post!
That is a great one–eye contact. I think I had meant to add it to the guy list. Seriously, what is with the boob stare? They find them so fascinating. Know what we ladies find fascinating men? A guy who looks us in the eyes and makes us feel special, not just sexy.
Planning too is so important. You’re right, not just because men take charge, but because it gives women a break! A much needed break!
needy guys need to get punched in the neck by their non-needy friends.
well done. now excuse me while i stalk the rest of your site.
Agreed and smiling with that imagine in my head.
And stalk away…
#9 is very important, and I hope no one takes this the wrong way. While sensitivity is an important thing to remember, I fear too many men these days are overly sensitive and don’t really know how to be a man.
(along with #10) Don’t ask any questions.
Women want to feel important. When they tell you something, they don’t want you to one-up it with one of your stories. Instead questions about her and what she is talking about.
why do i feel like my dating stories somehow inspired these? i could obviously add a plethora of “what not to do’s” such as…
1. don’t cry on the first date.
2. don’t take her to a wedding for a blind date/first date (where you are in it)
3. don’t take her to a sports bar for beer (reference #2 on the aformentioned list) and then ask her back to your place…for more beer 4. don’t play all your cards on the first date. no woman wants to be proposed to after two dates.
5. don’t ask a woman if she’ll consider moving across the country to date you after meeting her for the first time. she won’t.
6. and please….never tell a woman that you “get” to make out with her. that won’t work either.
7. don’t cry on the first date. wait…did i say that already????
i am SOOOOO glad i got married but i am feeling quite nostalgic at the moment. :) ha ha! ahh…good memories sharing funny dating stories with you and jon! :) xo
You need to write your own entire post about your dating adventures! Forget that–a whole book! IT would be a New York Times best-seller!
I LOVED this list, and your last comment on #17 had me laughing so hard!
I would add that men should compliment!
A woman wants to feel beautiful, and she wants to know that YOU find her beautiful.
Just do it in a non-creepy way!
just wanted to touch on the boob subject…9 out of 10 men prefer a woman with great breast…its just in our nature. the 10th man just prefers the other 9 men. the moral is, be scared if he aint looking at your top!
I have to agree that a needy guy or a creeper are the ones I run from the fastest…. I love when a guy notices the finer details…and remembers little things that make me smile…then I feel special…but when he starts calling or texting non stop for hours on end….that is creepy.
I would add….guys, don’t make us feel guilty for all the money you’re spending on dinner and a movie….if you’re that cheap get a goldfish.
And finally, I would say, to support #9 it’s extremely attractive when a guy is a combination of confident masculinity and sweet-n-sensitive.
the 13th thing u said about living with parents only applies to older people. trust me no one wants to date a person that’s @25 and older that lives with there mom. that’s a sign either ur a virgin or has dating problems. the girl im seeing is a year older than me and lives with her parents and I live on my own. well kinda I live in the basement of my grandparents but I rent to them so I have my own rules. but some people do have problems that live with there parents cuz they cant have sex with out the parents interferre or say no. I get that but logic makes sence. not all the time though.
1) Rip all the doors off the bathroom and 💩 on the foor 😭😭😭😭
2) Pop all the tires on her car and mess with the bearings
3) Try to sleep with her family
4) Drink all her beer
👌🏽