How to (Really) Lose a Guy in 10 Days

How to Lose a Guy

The last few weeks of He Said/She Said Wednesdays have dealt primarily with marriage and sex. So today, I wanted to write about an ancient art form–a relic–almost entirely lost in today’s culture: Dating.

You know the mediocre, albeit addicting to women, movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? Well, today’s post is How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, the Christian version. Next week will be part 2, How to Lose a Girl in 10 Days.

Whether you are male or female, this post is for you. Ladies, are you wanting to find the right guy to date and then keep him interested? Then read on. Fellas, are you tired of women behaving like a neurotic, unpredictable, Cybil? Then read on. Are you married, but wanting to delight in your escape from the dating scene? Then read on. There is something for everyone.

1. “blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…” Ladies, if you talk too much, after a few moments, he is done listening. Come up for air every once in a while.

2. “me, me, me, me, me…” When you are talking (presumably not speed talking per #1’s suggestion), if everything out of your mouth is “me, mine, I, and me, again,” he is going to be neither impressed nor interested.

3. Letting it all hang out. Girls, you don’t need to dress like Posh Spice, sucked into a black leather mini dress, with your girl parts hoisted three feet up and out. Men want a lady, not an escort.

4. All covered up. On the other hand, you should not be content to show up for a date or a social gathering in sweats and a T-shirt. Men really do notice and appreciate when a woman takes care of herself. That doesn’t mean you need to be the thinnest or the prettiest girl in the room, either. Just make an effort and dress stylishly.

5. Call him, text him, Facebook him a lot… and I mean a lot. There is almost a limitless number of ways to stalk a person these days. Social media = creepers. Don’t be a creeper. Give him space, but do be around… just not too much.

6. Show up uninvited. This is also a stalker move and can get a girl nixed fast. And let’s be honest: more creeper.

7. Don’t laugh at his jokes. Look, even if you don’t think he’s the next Seinfeld, you should at least attempt to laugh when he cracks a joke. Guys like to think they are funny (wait, did I write that out loud?)

8. Don’t touch him. Don’t go and throw yourself up against him in an alley, but do try to touch his hand or shoulder, whilst laughing at his aforementioned jokes. This is called flirting and men like it. Do it.

9. Don’t look at him. Eye contact is a strong indicator of interest and chemistry. So don’t look away, pretending to be coy. Make eye contact, but not for longer than 5 seconds, because then you just look like–you guessed it–a creeper.

10. Traveling in a she-wolf pack. Look ladies, I understand the she-wolf pack. It is a support system built upon trust, history, and the need to travel to the restroom with other females. Just don’t let your potential date feel like he is dating your friends, too.

11. Start planning your future wedding. Okay, say maybe you are more rational that that, but even hinting at wedding bells or gowns before the appropriate time can be a turnoff. Don’t force it. He knows you want to get married… someday.

12. Pretending like you don’t eat or you aren’t hungry. So cliche. I won my husband over when I sat down and ordered a double cheeseburger at In-N-Out with fries and a shake. However, I didn’t sit there and inhale that burger, either. You can eat a double-double like a lady. Men like women to have an appetite and it is so much more fun to eat than listen to your stomach growl.

13. Let him be chivalrous. I have actually seen women become upset when a guy has tried to open a door or pick up a check on a date. Lots of men actually like doing those things, so let them. It is romantic and relaxing. Don’t let the feminist movement ruin dating.

14. Keep him from guys night. Guys want to see their friends, just like you want to see yours. If you don’t want to see yours, that’s a problem. If you don’t have any friends of your own, that’s a bigger problem. If that’s the case, don’t date. First, go make some friends.

15. Never say please and thank you. If you just expect a man to do things for you or with you, but never actually show appreciation, kiss that man goodbye. I always say, “If you want a man to do something again, always say thank you.”

16. Talk about your ex a lot. This should be a no brainer, but I think a lot of people commit this dating sin without even realizing it. He doesn’t want  to hear about Jacques from your summer studying abroad in France. So zip it.

17. Tell him he reminds you of your dad. Not. Cool. Ever.

There you have it– How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. I’m no dating expert, but I hope that these suggestions of what-not-to-do are helpful and, at the very least, entertaining.

What would you add to the list? What are some things girls do that is downright annoying or unattractive? Guys, any horror stories? Girls, are you guilty of any of these?

image post here.

15 thoughts on “How to (Really) Lose a Guy in 10 Days”

  1. Can you be more funny, and accurate? A side note- I felt a lot more comfortable eliminating the aforementioned “no-no’s” when I knew I found a man worth trusting.

  2. Seriusly, all you need is a photo of me running in terror from my last GF and you have the perfect image of this list. The night I decided to break up with her, she had “accidentally” dragged me into a jewlery store and “accidentally” had both of us trying out hardware. The problem? We had been dating exactly thirteen days. That’s one shy of two weeks (I know this number because I had to bring it up when I nixed the thing). This was of course, after the ever awkward “meet the parents” moment which happened earlier that day… again, all of this within two weeks.

    Do I want a wife and family? You bet, but I am not one to race into such a big life decision, and this girl from her own actions and the way she paraded me around her family during that first two weeks came across as hyper immature and needy. It literally got to the point of “Oh mom, you drive a Toyota 4 Runner! Joey wants an old Toyota Land Cruiser, and those are made by Toyota! It’s meant to be!” or “Joey loves comic books and Sci Fi, just like Me!” or “Joey likes ketchup on his fries, just like we all do! He’s part of the family!” In other words, as sweet and well intended as she was, her family was hoping that a man would come and “grow her up” a bit. I of course, was looking for someone who would meet me at my level.

    This brings me to a big one that became part of my list after that incident: I will never, ever, date a woman who still lives with her parents. I don’t care if Scarlet Johansen calls me up and says “Joey, I am yours forever, but you have to meet my dad on the first date.” Sorry, I’m 32 years old, I gave up getting the varsity quarterback treatment from parents a very long time ago. I live on my own, and I think that the woman I would pursue a relationship with should be at that point as well.

    1. Reading your comment was like watching a TBS teen sitcom unfold, except you are no teen. Man, that girl does sound needy and immature. Kinda sad actually. :(

      I like your addition to the list. I was saving that one for next week’s post on How to Lose a Girl…dudes who live with mom and dad. It totally applies to women too though, you’re right.

      So awkward, so high school, and so wrong. Thanks for the funny comment Joey!

  3. As a single 21 year old christian woman I’m just now deciding to enter into the dating world, and it’s ridiculous. Everyone has different ways to woo a man and attempt to give advice that ends up horribly. Alot of my friends have decided that they want to “court” which is great for them but I just could never see myself doing. I stinkin love this list. It’s so straightforward and funny also! :D I’ll be honest. I do some of these. But always secretly;)

    Thanks for the advice!

    1. Jenessa, I really respect your decision to turn down courting. I personally think it is a ridiculous idea. If you love God, you should be able to date in a healthy way giving glory to Christ. Courting is just a lame way of saying “Godly dating” in my estimation.

      I did things on this list in my dating life too. We all do. But, it is fun to laugh at ourselves sometimes while we learn what not to do.

      May God bless your decision to date, as you trust in Him. Thanks for commenting Jenessa!

  4. This is hilarious! I am passing this on to all of my single friends lest they become a…creeper. Too funny. Can’t wait for next weeks follow-up post.

  5. What a lot of it boils down to is, decent men don’t like flirts. I never learned how to flirt. Ever. I couldn’t get the hang of the coy, flirtatious, girlie thing. I had a brother, no sisters. Even though I went to an all girls’ high school, and a women-only college, I never learned to flirt.

    So I found myself wondering why, in grad school, the other male grad students would end up hanging out in my office (we were teaching assistants). One time I was informed that a certain guy had a huge crush on me, and I was completely clueless. Finally one of my friends said, “It’s because you don’t flirt. You talk to them like YOU’RE a guy. It’s weird, but they like it.”

    1. This is funny because it’s true. I think sometimes guys are drawn to girls, who aren’t like “dudes”, but who hang out with guys without flirting.

      I was sorta that girl too. Like you, I later found out about crushes. Guys never thought I was interested because I never flirted.

      It makes you an enigma and maybe mystery is a little attractive. Here’s to us non-flirters!

  6. This is very key, ladies. Listen up. When a guy opens your door to let you in to the car first, reach across the car to unlock his door before he gets there. I don’t even care if he has one of those fancy little electronic things that go “beep-beep” and unlock the car. Just reach across the car and unlock his door. Unless you don’t like him. Then just sit there.

  7. Talk about how much you hate your ex. When he does things you do not like, tell him how much it reminds you of your ex (that you hate). That will piss him off.

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