From the time we are born, each one of us begins to seek out our needs. Some are provided for us by our parents–food, shelter, clothing. Some of our needs are met by our parents themselves, as they protect us, encourage us. Some of our needs are not met by our parents. They may have neglected us, ignored us, or even abused us.
Many people still desperately search to have their needs met after they become adults. They search in all the wrong places–alcohol, sex, money, ministry, affirmation of others–and are left feeling empty.
The Lord, however, knows our three greatest needs. He designed them. He placed them within us. Every single one of us shares these three needs.
Need #1- The need to feel loved. This may sound a bit cliche, but in reality we all desire to feel loved and be loved. The Father in Heaven is the one who provides this love. He is the One who tells us He loves us, with a perfect Father’s love. He is the Father welcoming home the prodigal son. He is the Shepherd searching endlessly for His lost sheep. He is abba father, upon whose lap we can climb upon, when we are tired, or hurting, or simply needing to feel loved.
I have struggled in my earthly father relationships. They have been anything but perfect. I placed many of those negative experiences and connotations onto my Heavenly Father, as well. Would He let me down? Would He forget my birthday? Would He always love me?
At one point the Lord spoke to me, so sweetly and gently, that I was in fact sinning by thinking these things. I knew the Father’s character and by believing anything less, I was defaming Him. I repented right then and cried out for forgiveness. My loving Father in Heaven fogave me and not only that, but in one moment removed years of wrong thinking. He transformed my mind. My relationship with the Father has never been the same since.
I still struggle from time to time with old thought patterns creeping in, but my God is quick to forgive and even quicker to make me feel loved.
Need #2-The need to feel significant. Feeling loved is one thing, but feeling significant is something else. Significance is knowing that we matter and that we are important. Significance says that we are not just another cog in a wheel or another number, but that we are an individual, created to do good works. Jesus is who provides our significance. It is through His death that we find our importance. He was willing to die for you, not just me or the guy sitting next to me, but for you. He knows you by name and calls you by name. We are not just faceless believers trolling along in His Kingdom. He says we are significant and we are His friends.
I am still learning about my true identity in Christ. Who does He say that I am? Where is He calling me? But, the more I allow my significance to come from Him, the less distracted by the world I am. The more I listen to who He describes me as, the more confident and whole I feel.
Need #3- The need to feel competent. Many Christians stop here. They perhaps feel loved and have a sense of significance from the Lord, but they never feel competent in their faith. They never feel capable or able to do the things that the Lord asks us to do. The Holy Spirit, however, is the one who brings us this competence. He not only says we can, but actually empowers us to do. He reminds us of Christ’s words and brings scripture to mind. He is our Counselor and our Helper. He came so that we might be filled with His presence and live Christian lives filled with power, not impotence. We cannot muster up enough strength on our own to become competent. We must rely on the Holy Spirit to fill us, guide us, admonish us, and empower us each and every day.
I tried, for the first few years of my Christianity, to make things happen on my own. Ironically, I came to Christ through a church that was filled with the Spirit and operated in His power naturally. I just felt that somehow, that same power and ability was not available to me. I now know that this is not true, but is a lie that the enemy has successful planted in many believer’s minds. The Chritian life is suppose to resemble the Book of Acts, complete with tongues of fire. Do you believe this?
Which of these three needs have you struggled with understanding or taking hold of the most? Which of these three has God revealed to you and you are currently living it out? Where do you need more?
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Lately I have been learning a lot about love and I’m realizing that living life as a loved person is a process. I have to constantly remind myself of how God sees me and what He says in His Word about me. I am also reading about the renewing and transforming of my mind and how much of a role my thoughts play in how I view myself and God. I was just writing a blog post about how I have viewed God negatively and not trusted in Him because of the lies I’ve been believing. I have judged Him based on experiences and other people’s character instead of His steadfast, faithful character. It has been difficult learning to be completely intimate with Him, sharing all aspects of my life with Him. If you have any advice to help or want to share more about your transformation, it would be much appreciated. You see, I’m not sure God is going to just transform my mind in 1 moment so that I no longer think that way. For me it is and has been a process. I constantly need to be reminded of His love for me, especially when I’m choosing not to walk in it. I’m hoping that one day this won’t be such a struggle but that I will naturally reject the lies and embrace His love.
Shauna, that is so encouraging to hear and read. I am so blessed to know how much God has been transforming your mind and challenging your thinking.
I don’t think my experience was a common one. I was in the shower, of all places, and I just realized I had been sinning and I asked for the Lord’s forgiveness. I didn’t just say sorry. I repented with my whole heart. I felt Him remove years of wrong thinking in that moment.
I am still in process however. My mind, and my enemy both, want to convince me again and again that God is not who He says He is.
You are in process too and the Lord will give you what you need, as you need it. He knows how each of us, individually, needs to heal, mature, and grow.
The catalyst for me however was a sermon series called the Fatherhood of God. It was so powerful. If you are interested I could try and find a copy for you.
Be encouraged sister…Christ is doing great things in and through you!
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that your mind and the enemy is trying to make you believe that God is not who He says He is. That is exactly what I am going through and up until today, I didn’t even realize this battle was going on. When Sarah and I meet and she prays, I have seen that she views God a little differently than I do. She is able to call Him Father, Daddy, and other endearing terms. It is still difficult for me to say these things and view Him this way. Maybe that series is exactly what I need to listen to..who is it by and do you have any ideas as to how I could go about finding it? Or, if you have a copy, it would be much appreciated :) Thanks Nicole for your encouragement. I know God is working on me and helping me have a more intimate relationship with Him, it just takes time.
Hi Nicole, I just found your blog, the layout is amazing!
I wanted to comment on the needs, cause I don’t feel the need to be loved at all. I mean I appreciate its value when you are loved, it’s a great thing, just not really a need though, maybe more like a sweet gift when you have it. Instead, what I do feel the need to do however is to share things I think are good with others, to *give*. It might be something as insignificant as sharing a cool blog post with friends or letting somebody pass in a queue or donating blood or working as a voluntary for people who don’t know me–nor care at all about me for that matter. I LOVE mailing presents to friends at random. What really fills me with peace is the giving away. Don’t know why.
I’m not sure I know exactly what you mean about being significant. To me, every living thing is unique and therefore miraculous in its uniqueness. Just that gives every individual infinite value to me. I’m amazed at the tiny peach tree I have at home as I’m amazed at the giant American sequoias. All of them are equal to me, including humans and myself. The need would be, then, finding where do you fit in the world. Remember “I am Vertical” by Sylvia Plath? “I am not a tree with my root in the soil … I walk among them, but none of them are noticing.” She feeks she doesn’t belong anywhere in the world. To me, becoming “another cog in a wheel” sounds factious, like if you wanted to put yourself against the rest of the world; but each piece of a puzzle is still an unique individual. Joining harmoniously with the rest of the world doesn’t take away your individuality–instead, it gives you new things, that is, the relations between you and everything that isn’t you. I like better “finding your role in the play”, a play in which every character is essential (otherwise He wouldn’t have created it), even the tiniest amoeba.
Wow this comment never ends. I always end up writing forever, I’m sorry. Anyway great blog, very original, bookmarking it right now!
Hi there. Thanks so much for commenting and I’m glad you found this here blog.
I appreciate your comment. I will say in response that while you might not feel the need to be loved, most people do. Infants have that need and desire. It is an innate desire within us. Giving, as you mention, is an act of love I believe. It is an expression of love. You give to friends or family, not because you feel “giving” but because you feel “love” for them.
As far as significance goes, I would argue too that many people go through life feeling anything but significant. Significance is what tells us that we are unique, yes, but also that we matter and we are important to someone. We can certainly be connected to others, be a part of a community, and still feel individually significant. Jesus knows us by name. He knows the number of hairs on our head. We are not just person on Earth #2,376,588. He knows us individually and personally. That to me, makes all the difference. Christ calls me by name because He is a personal and intimate God. And when the Creator of the Universe knows your name, you are significant.
Thanks so much for commenting and I hope to see you around here more. Blessings to you.
P.S. I love Sylvia Plath!
Thank you for your response Nicole! It’s very rare to find a blogger who spends so much valuable time talking with her commenters. You make people feel significant and loved!
You are so welcome. Thanks for the kind words. I think engaging with readers is my favorite thing about blogging. I love the Modern Reject community and hope you’ll feel welcome and led to comment and share!