If I Didn't Know Christ

As some of you may know, my husband and I spent a few days last week in fabulous Las Vegas.

Whenever I am in Las Vegas, I am reminded of my old life—my life before I was fully committed and walking with Christ. I have “old Vegas stories” (a.k.a before Christ stories).

I also have “new Vegas stories” (a.k.a. after Christ stories).

Yet, on this last trip, I started thinking about my old life and–more than that—what would my life look like if I had never returned to Christ or even met Him in the first place? What or who would I be if I didn’t know Christ?

If I never met Christ, I would probably have 2 or 3 children. I would be a single mom, most likely, since before knowing Christ, I absolutely abhorred the thought of marriage.

Marriage was, to me, a death sentence, a way to ensure an unhappy existence. So, without Christ in my life, I would probably have been in a committed long-term relationship, but would have been racked with constant insecurity and doubt about the strength of that relationship.

The examples of fathers in my life did not lead me to feel necessarily confident in relationships. I always battled the thought that, just like my dad, my current boyfriend would up and leave.

Besides being a single mom, in most likely an unhealthy relationship, I would probably be drinking on a regular basis. I would probably use drugs casually, as well.

Besides the outward and external differences in not knowing Christ, I would most certainly be an emotional mess. I would be prideful, angry, hateful even. Relationships with my family would be strained and friendships would come and go.

I would look to all other sources for happiness–men, alcohol, career, popularity. I would self-absorbed and self-indulgent.

Now, I’m not mentioning all of this simply to regret past decisions or condemn myself for past mistakes. I no longer feel guilt or shame regarding my old life. I accepted God’s forgiveness.

And while I heed Paul’s words about “forgetting what lies behind”, I also recognize that it is beneficial at times to imagine who you might be, if Christ had never found you. Why?

Well, for me, it a reminder of where I have come from and where and how God has transformed me. It is a welcome reminder, only because my current life is so vastly different from the picture I just painted above.

I don’t linger on who or what I could have become, but I do like to occasionally remember exactly what God has rescued me from.

The life He has given me is one that I would never have chosen for myself, but only because I wouldn’t have known to choose it. The life I escaped would have been just another sad, lonely, and empty life. Both are worth considering and both are worth thanking Him for.

Okay, so the obvious question: Who would you be if you didn’t know Christ? What would your life look like? What did God rescue you from?

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8 thoughts on “If I Didn't Know Christ”

  1. The strange thing is…I’m not sure. My Christianity has been so formative in my maturity–and sometimes immaturity (another story)–that it’s hard for me to say where I would be without Christ. I was always a pretty moral kid, for the most part, and I think that deeper sense of morality would still be with me. I’m not sure about my love life…I’m sure all that would have turned out quite different.

    But overall, I think that generally I would have less of a sense of wonder about the world. It has been the Christian imagination that has spurred me to think deep–and, in face, I would say ALLOWED me to think deep–about all sorts of topics. Knowing the truth about Christ has allowed me to explore possibilities that I might not have before. I feel I’m more creative and thoughtful because of Christ.


    1. I love that you feel God has given you a greater sense of wonder about the world. That is so cool. I don’t think I would have recognized it in myself, but I would have to agree for myself.

      I see the world with different eyes after knowing Christ.

      SO cool too for you to say that you are more creative and thoughtful, as a result of Him. To the world that would sound asinine, but I completely understand.

  2. Stuck people pleasing, stretching myself too thin, and believing that I am not enough. I think the most interesting part of drawing closer to God for me, with relation to this process, is that this journey is filled with battles. Battles against who you were, and who you think you should be, in order to get to the place where you can fully claim and whole-heartedly embrace who God has created you to be; quirks and all. Love this post.

  3. Though I am often hard on myself, I have to say that being in Christ has given me the gift of constant renewal and grace, the reminder of second chances and unconditional love. That has given me the desire to make Him proud, which leads me to change. I’m at peace with the idea that I am constantly under construction.
    Most of all, He saved me from myself… and that is no small feat…

  4. I’ve been a Christian my whole life, so I don’t really have a period I can look back on to see what I was like as a non-Christian. But I know my selfish heart and my sinful self, which gives me an idea what I’d be like if I didn’t know Christ…

    I’m quite sure I’d be sleeping around, and looking for affection in all the wrong places.

    I’d be selfish, rude, careless and altogether unpleasant to know.

    I wouldn’t spare a second thought for other people.

    I’d probably mock all religious people.

    I’d be sitting in a pool of my own misery, not quite sure why people didn’t want to be my friend, but not quite knowing how to (or wanting to) fix it.

    So praise God that He’s saved me, lifted me from the miry clay and given me a meaning, a purpose, a love and a life!

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