While having a couple I had never met before, over to our home for dinner the other night, I was somehow secretly hoping that no one would ask me the inevitable question “So, Nicole what do you do?”
To which I usually respond, “Oh me? I fold laundry, wipe butts, cook nutritious meals, all while wearing a big, fat, slap-happy, smile on my face.” The problem, this time ( and most times lately) is that my dear, sweet, proud husband wants to brag on me. What I would be perfectly content letting slip by unsaid, he prefers to exclaim from the rooftops, which usually goes something like this:
“Nicole is a rockstar! She is a blogger. Has an awesome blog called Modern Reject! She speaks too. She was even on the radio!” (and yes, all of those exclamation points are completely apro po)
And while I love, adore, get warm fuzzies knowing my hubster is my biggest fan, on this particular occasion, I wanted to crawl under the table and die in a pile. And it got me thinking why, or rather, what the what? Why do I feel embarrassed and flustered when this whole double life of mine is brought up?
Because blogging is for losers. Or at least that’s what I used to think.
I used to think that blogging was the equivalent of having an on-line journal, where everyone can read your inner most thoughts, embarrassing moments, and greatest failures…
Dear Diary,
Today, I slept til noon, ate an entire pepperoni pizza by myself, lost my keys for the 4th time this week, and finished the night by watching a Torri Spelling marathon on Lifetime. Suh-weeeet day all in all. xo Nicole
I mean, who wants to air their dirty laundry for all to see… or read? Um, not me, or so I thought.
More than that, I really thought blogging was for losers because everyone and their mom had a blog. And if there is something everyone is doing, well then, count me out. Glee? No way. Infinity scarves? Not so much. Justin Bieber? Well….that’s another story for another time.
I thought blogging was self-indulgent. I hated (and still struggle with) the idea that people would in any way want to read about my measly old life or my thoughts on any other subject.
But, God told me to start blogging (yes, God tells me stuff). I listened, despite my hesitations. Yet, here I am now, about a year and a half later and I consider Modern Reject one of my greatest accomplishments. Why?
Well, I’m a quitter, I’m a starter, then procrastinator, then see-ya-later-er. I am not good at the follow through and so looking over the hundreds of posts and comments I’ve written proves to me that maybe my quitter days are behind me. Maybe I’m better at beginning and continuing than I once assumed.
I’ve also seen God open doors for me, through Modern Reject, that no doubt would otherwise not have been opened. I’ve been given speaking opportunities, other writing gigs. I was even on the radio recently. It is crazy and I am grateful.
But more than all that, I have watched Modern Reject become an outlet, a community, a home, a welcome destination, the place so many of you choose to spend time reading, talking, engaging. And man, am I humbled. I am daily blown away by the individuals who take the time to read the stuff I write. I consider you friends–brothers and sisters. The reason I keep writing.
Sure, blogging is still for losers, but ti is for different kinds of losers than I once thought. It is for those of us who have something to say, not because we are prideful or arrogant, but because God has given us a voice. Blogging, at least getting the chance to share your story, is for the losers who have forsaken everything in order to chase after Christ.
I have given up a lot to keep up this gig, but I have gained so much more. So yeah, call me a loser. I’m cool with it.
What did you once think was lame, but now love? What has God changed your mind about from uncool to awesome?
Love this. You summed up all the reason why I blog as well. Right now though, going through a bit of a blogging funk, but otherwise, I’m sure I’ll be back at it in no time. Your blog is AWESOME p.s.
Losers unite!
“And if there is something everyone is doing, well then, count me out.”
Oh, TELL me about it. There are few things I hate more than having the impression that I giving the impression that I am doing something that everyone else is doing, and they are literally to be counted on one hand.
I can also identify with not liking my “passion activity” to be pointed out to people. It makes me uncomfortable that strangers should associate me with something that I am frequently insecure about — and with the fact that I do it well. Perfectionism!
* “…that I’m giving the impression.”
<3!
Love. This.
And I get the husband spilling the beans thing. I always clam up when people ask me how the writing is going. And I cringe when I see that a “real-live” friend who I know and see regularly reads my posts. There’s something more comfortable in knowing that only strangers that you never have to face read your stuff. Which defeats the whole purpose of writing for publication.
Seconded.
Wow, you read my mind on this one! I love it. I feel like such a geek when people ask me what I do with my spare time and my answer is that I’m writing on the Internet.
Modern Reject’s become one of my favourite places to read, so I’m very glad you didn’t quit. God’s good – he blesses the geeky things that we put effort into doing.
Lol. I write Christian Romance novels, and my husband brags about it at the most awkward, cringe-worthy times. I love that he’s proud of me and that he supports me in my somewhat dorky passion, but not everyone (i.e. his softball team, his hunting buddies, the list goes on and on) thinks that writing Christian romance novels is the coolest of endeavors.
Julie, so cool and yeah, I’ll admit, I judge Christian romance novels–coming from a girl who has never read one. :( I’m lame and I’m sorry. But what an amazing man you have, so proud and willing to shout it from the rooftops. Such a blessing! Here’s to being losers. wink wink…
Attagirl!
Lol. I love blogging . . . thus I have a Phd. in “Losership.” :-)
Frank, agreed. You are one the biggest (and one of my favorite) “losers.” Thank you for stopping over and commenting!
Nicole, thank you for your honesty regarding blogging. For some reason, I feel the same way when I tell non-bloggers about my blog. It’s like what you said: blogging is for losers. Well, thankfully, I have learned otherwise. The bloggers I read are some of the most amazing people. And I feel like I know a lot of them better than I know people in “real” life. You are a wonderful blogger and I’m so glad you decided to follow the Lord and do what he asked you to do.
I’m like you nicole….my family and friends really don’t get the whole “blog” thing…my wife reads sometimes too…but as soon as i start talking about it…she rolls her eyes…i make it look like it doesn’t bother me…but it does…it hurts…and i’ve told her before…
That is like a window into the outside world…and i get to engage with someone of my faith half way across the world….
but then this year…blogging changed for me…it can from JOB…job in the bible was the first blogger!!!!! he yearned to write down his words on a rock or and iron plate, where they will never be erased just to say…His Redeemer lives! and that he shall see him one day face to face….and that is what blogging is to me…it’s my iron lead on a rock…the web goes on forever….for all to see…and that’s what i want them to see…my Redeemer…Jesus.
I love that through blog hopping, I get glimpses into what God is saying and teaching other people. It’s kind of like peaking into and interrupting dozens of people as they are curled up with their Bibles and scribbling notebooks.
Plus it is a community that grows, supports, challenges and spurs me on.
Thanks, Nicole, for writing. I enjoy popping in. Good for your man too for bragging on you. :)
Jennifer Dougan
http://www.jenniferdougan.com
So, wait, what was the actual reaction of your dinner guests when your hubs spilled the beans?! ;)
It is interesting how people respond to the knowledge that you’re a blogger. Most people have no idea what blogging really is nor do they want to have any idea, which for me is mostly a bummer when it’s people I know and love. What’s been most rewarding is and fun is when I meet someone in person who I’ve only known through my blog.
First, the diary entry is stellar. Second, for me the execution of a project is what executes me. I start stuff, too. I have fantastic ideas that fall flat under the weight of incompleteness. I have a year of blogging behind me and I am totally surprised.
Thanks Nicole. You do a great job and spark lots of thought.
You know something Nicole, I think that you are a very gifted writer! The Lord has totally give him you an awesome gift and it’s wonderful to see you put it to good use. That’s what makes me coming back :-)
As for the answer to your question, God has changed my mind about the church itself! I used to think that the church was filled with hypocrites and a bunch of losers that used Jesus as a crutch. As you can imagine, I wasn’t really walking with the Lord at that time.
But now that I gave my life to Jesus, He has changed my life and I love His church! #ThankYouLord
Blogging does promote an element of loserness at first-but it eventually helps us to grow in ways that we might not have otherwise. It eventually becomes a way to aid us in self-development.
God is imaginary and claiming that an imaginary friend talks to you, makes you a delusional moron… Or schizophrenic.
There are no strangers here, only losers we have not met.