The Weight of Honesty

I understood why a lot of my friends had a crush on him. He was young, attractive enough, energetic, cool, and somehow made what should have been a boring, if not torturous class, enjoyable.

He had encouraged me to write and write more and write often. He saw past my tough talk and stubbornness and recognized a young 16-year old who, with a little push, could turn a hobby into a passion.

…A few years ago, I ran into Mr. S, as I lovingly referred to him, while we were both seated in a doctor’s office waiting room. I recognized him immediately and, as I started to make my way over to him, I saw his eyes lift and his expression change. He recognized me, too.

But as he spoke, I sensed something unfamiliar. It was sadness. I looked in his eyes and saw that he looked tired. His voice was not the voice I remembered, but was dull and monotone.

Then, I asked about his wife. He answered me and, as he did, I felt the room shift under my feet.

Come hang out with me over at Prodigal Magazine today to read more. I look forward to seeing you there.


5 thoughts on “The Weight of Honesty”

  1. Great post, Nicole…and great article too. I really get encouraged knowing I’m not the only one who freezes up at a moment like this – we often want to think our past is behind us, and fear to turn the old bones over again; God has freed us from the blame, but not the duty to remember, and share with others how He got us through.

  2. Nicole,

    You asked on your Twitter account, “What happens when the curtain is pulled back & we realize for the first time someone isn’t perfect?”

    I laughed to myself because this is what happened the moment our Father put the mantle of prophet onto my shoulders. (Yes, there are multiple meanings to what I just said, aren’t there?)

    Keep on pushing those buttons, my sister.

  3. Good story Nicole. We need to be honest with our failures and struggles so we can learn from each other. A few years ago, I too would have frozen. I think it’s the product of our mind trying to figure out how our religion informs the current circumstance. I think it’s the product of going to church and being told all the time that we have the answers, and then when real life suddenly, and unexpectedly, stares us in the face, we realize how inadequate those answers are.

    I say “a few years ago” because I don’t think I would freeze anymore – in fact I haven’t. I have come to realize that we don’t have all the answers – and that’s alright. It is very liberating to realize you don’t know everything. That there are things you simply can not explain. And for some reason this attitude seems to create in you – at least it did in me – a deeper compassion for people, and a willingness to share our struggles with those that hurt.

    I know there as some people who are regular contributors to this blog that will disagree with me. They still think there are answers to everything in life. I used to think that way too. But the more you live, the more you realize you don’t know squat.

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