Welcome to Wednesday–a day devoted to discussing two of my favorite people: men and women.
I think I know men pretty well (Do I sound like I’m bragging…’cause I am). Women tend to think men are much more complex than they actually are.
Women, on the other hand, tend to be a bit more complicated…or at least we like to pretend we are.
Looking back to when I was younger, however, I wonder how much of a grasp I really had on the opposite sex. I’ve learned a lot since high school and college. Most of those lessons have come the hard way.
What I know about men now, I wish I had known sooner. Here’s 3 things I wish I had known about men, back then…
1. Men are actually quite simple. When you are a 16 year old girl with a wild crush on some hot young stud, they seem like the most intricate, complicated, bewildering person on earth. How could I possibly unravel the depths of “Brad the Hottie?”
Truth is, there really ain’t much to unravel, as it were. Boys are boys and men are, well, bigger boys. Same rules apply.
2. Male relationships will never, can never, and are not supposed to fill some daddy-void in my life. My constant need to have a boyfriend came from my gaping hole of a father-figure.
I spent waaaaay too long wrapped up in boys and year-long relationships, where what I should have been doing was enjoying life. Thankfully, God did make this fact evident to me early on in college and while it took me a while to cut the boy-ties, I eventually did.
That period of being single and living on my own was beyond freeing. I was suddenly struck with just how strong my almost life-long need-to-have-a- guy-desire had been. I hated that feeling and vowed I would never again seek out a relationship due to my dad issues.
Two years later, I met my husband. Cha-ching.
3. Men do not think about sex the same way women do. Okay, now this sounds obvious, right? But you’d be surprised how many young women, like myself at the time, were swindled into thinking that we were suppose to be just as sexually charged and sexually aggressive as any given dude on any given day.
My generation has bought the lie (hook, line and sinker) that women should be every bit as motivated by sex as their male counterparts, which means we need to be sexually promiscuous.
Bummer, ’cause it just isn’t true. Of course women like sex. Of course women need sex. Of course we are supa-sexual…yadda, yadda, yadda. Women, are not however, like men in the sex department. We aren’t like them at all, in fact, so why would the area of sex be any different?
Thankfully, I quickly latched onto this idea once I was married. My husband is happy about that fact, that’s for sure, because I understand his sexual needs as well as my own…and that’s kinda sexy.
The world of men and women is made out to be so complicated and sure, sometimes it is, but really there isn’t too much to learn. I wish I had known back then what I know now about men, but hey, better late than never.
What about you? What do you wish you had known about the opposite sex back then that you know now? How would having this information have changed your interactions or relationships with the opposite sex?
Ooooo, so true that as women we tend to over complicate our men when they’re needs and such are a lot more simple.
I wish that while I was growing up I had known how much respect means to men. I think I hurt my brothers quite a bit when I was in high school (especially one in particular) because I didn’t realize that they needed to be respected as dudes.
Since gaining some perspective and learning so much about my husband needing my respect, I’ve made a lot of efforts to show respect to my younger brothers also(who are now, for all intents and purposes, grown men). It’s made a huge difference in our relationships.
Ashleigh,
Such a great one! I had a lot to learn about respect, as well. It certainly can and does transform relationships. It is so critical to men, in all of our relationships, not just our husbands.
Good points, Nicole. We men really are pretty simple.
Ashleigh makes a good point about respect as well. For most of my life I have not realized that I had the right as a man to expect to be respected. I lost a lot of years just passively accepting disrespect from some of the women in my life.
Here are my contributions to what I wish I had known long ago about women, and being in relationships with women. Feel free to disagree, this is just my perspective at this moment in my life – based on the mistakes I’ve made…
1. Women really do want men to be strong, and to be leaders. You have to be a man first, before you can be a husband.
2. If you’re in a relationship with a woman, and there are unacceptable issues, or if you don’t feel respected by your woman, it’s important to speak up early and consistently. Merely continuing to meekly lower your expectations over and over isn’t a good option. If you are prayerful and diligent in pursuing a solution, hopefully things will change. If they don’t change, accept the fact that you have to end the relationship, and have the courage to do so.
3. Points 1 and 2 not withstanding, don’t be afraid to be honest with the woman in your life about your own vulnerabilities. Actually, it’s part of Point 1. It takes strength in order to have the courage to show weakness.
Ed,
I love your list. I agree that women really do want a strong man. We want to be led, protected, and feel like women. As to point #2, I so wish more men would speak up when it comes to needing respect. I have seen far too many women belittle their men and far too many men remain silent in the process. You advice to be prayerful and diligent is great!
I agree with all three of you (Nicole, Ashleigh, and Ed). I, unfortunately, was influenced by pornography so I had a really crummy, (did I say, and wrong) idea of what it was supposed to be like. we were both virgins when we got married but my view was skewed, and was for a long time. I hurt my wife emotionally because of the porn. I hurt myself and our relationship because it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. Yeah, don’t let anyone, ANYONE, tell you porn does not hurt! it was only when I saw my wife for who she is that our marriage actually became something to be proud of. You speak truth though Nicole: we are different but we need to find the right way to know and realize it.
Bill,
Wow. So wise and so transparent. Thank you for sharing this. I too know the damage that porn can produce. I wrote a post called My Porn Story, if you are interested.
https://modernreject.com/2010/11/my-porn-story/
It is so harmful to our sexual make-up and our marriages. It is a weapon the enemy continual uses to infiltrate marriage beds. I am a huge advocate of talking about it and not pretending like it doesn’t exist. Thank you for bringing it up, as well.
Read it Nicole. And read the rest of the comments as well. Thanks for the link.
I had a friend in college that said she only needed three words to describe how to keep a man happy.
Beer. Boobs. Bacon.
I was discussing this topic with a co-worker the other day. She happens to be the mom of a two-year-old. We quickly agreed that men have simple needs – food and sex. Then she added, “And when they are two years old, it’s food and sleep!” I thought for a second and then added (what I considered to be) a huge revelation. I said that perhaps the food-and-sleep theory was still true when men became adults, it’s just that subconsciously they realize that sex gets them to fall asleep faster!
Ed,
So funny! My son is almost 3 and is totally preoccupied with food. So smart and perceptive of your co-worker to see it is food as children and sex as adults. Your further connection made me laugh out loud!
I don’t think this is too far off…seriously.
Dude, knowing about the daddy thing sooner than age 21 would have definitely been a game-changer. That’s my #1.
I know right? Oh well, now I just try to pass on this golden nugget of wisdom to girls younger than me.
These comments are utter BS. Respect goes both ways. Not feelin’ it from your partner? Then get out and find someone whom you can respect and who respects you in return; same goes for women. That’s the simplicity of it all, not this “As a man, I have the right to be respected” whining. Not if you don’t earn it, you don’t. Any man who feels neutered by a woman is just blaming her for his own lack of self-respect. That’s the worst turn-off there is – BAR NONE. Well, that and the bimbos here who aren’t smart enough to think of themselves as being anything beyond sexual, birthing, and feeding stations. Pathetic!