While at a recent family dinner, gathered around a humongous table in an obnoxious dinosaur themed restaurant, I asked the question, “Why get married?”
People get married for all kinds of reasons. Some good, some bad. Some beneficial, some harmful.
The obvious answer to “why get married?” is because you’re in love and stuff. I’m a semi-romantic, if there is such a thing, but, really? Love? I think that’s one of the least appealing reasons to get married.
Here’s why: Marriage is about, at least in the beginning, growing up and living with someone on a day-to-day basis. It’s about getting along with someone and serving them even when you don’t feel like it. It’s about commitment and steadfastness.
Sounds boring and a little painful, huh? Well, maybe on some days. But most days love and the mushy gushy feelings of love, are not going to be what keeps you content, patient, or even together. Love is of course necessary. It is the underlying current but not the sole motivator.
I was wondering, why did I get married? I am not trying to sound like a Tyler Perry movie..I’m just asking. I mean, I loved Jonathan at the time. But I had been in love before and hadn’t gotten married then. I’d even dated someone that I wanted to marry before Jonathan but didn’t marry him.
I realized there were a few reasons I got married. One, was that I was just ready. I was older, a bit wiser. I knew what I wanted (somewhat) and what I didn’t. I was finished with college and had lived on my own. It was just the time. Marriage was the natural next step.
I also knew I had met my match in Jonathan. I met a man who was all the things I had wished for and all the things I hadn’t known to wish for. God is so good like that. And so when he was presented to me, so to speak, I felt for the first time like I had met a man who I would enjoy the rest of my life with, which was key for me.
People, unfortunately, do often get married for so many terrible reasons. For instance many people tie the knot for financial reasons, or for comfort, or because they’ve been together so long that they feel obligated. Of course we all know of folks who walk down the aisle because of out of wedlock pregnancy, or co-dependency or a host of other unhealthy reasons.
And that night at the T Rex table there were some funny and sweet answers shared as to why people got married… here are a few of them…
- “Not having to leave each other at night…waking up next to each other.”
- “Getting to be with your best friend all the time.”
- “Feeling that you are built for marriage.” Meaning that some people are better suited for and more excited about marriage and thus do so sooner and faster.
- “Being able to share and build your dreams together.”
- “Someone to cook and do laundry”
- “Knowing that this is the person God has for you”
What I love is that everyone gave a different answer albeit some answers were possible argument starters with the others spouse. And that’s okay. Everyone has a different reason for getting married…as it should be.
What’s yours? Why did you or do you want to get married? Or why do you not want to be married?