Let me start by saying “thank you.” Thank you for sticking with me despite my virtual disappearance from this blog. Thank you for being patient with me while I figured out what the heck I’m doing. Thank you for still being willing to read and be a part of this community. You guys are the best. Really. I mean it.
Secondly, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for just leaving and not telling you where I was going. To be honest, I didn’t intend on leaving. I took one week off due to busyness. The next week I felt uninspired. The following weeks I was on vacation and then really sick. And before I knew it, over a month had gone by without so much as a “Hey dude, what’s up?” from me. So I’m sorry.
Now that we’ve gotten all that out of the way. Let’s talk. I’ve had some things on my mind and I gotta tell you guys.
Last week, I turned 33. (This, I don’t wanna talk about.) But, every year my birthday rolls around I can’t help but get all reflective and introspective. Which got me thinking about Modern Reject. In doing so, I realized that I have really been lacking motivation, passion, and vision for my writing.
Motivation used to come easily. I felt a constant need to be churring out new content, but things like having a third child, homeschooling, and church/ministry life have drained much of my motivation, or rather transferred motivation to other areas. Then there’s passion, which I suppose goes hand-in-hand with motivation, doesn’t it? You can’t have one without the other. Which leaves vision, of which I’ve had none. I didn’t know what I wanted to write about anymore. I didn’t know where I was headed.
And I’ll be honest with you guys. I seriously considered closing up shop. I was going to quit blogging…at least I really, really wanted to.
Then, my husband and I left for a week vacation to Cancun. Hello sunshine, frozen cocktails, quiet, rest, and vision. Who knew? Jonathan and I prayed quite a bit while in Mexico and God was so quick to give us vision for all areas of our life, including this blog.
Here’s what I left knowing:
This is just a blog and while I am truly thankful and grateful to every single person who reads it, I cannot place more importance or value on it than it’s worth. I gotta let some of that go.
I’m busy. My life is full and once upon a time, I had more time to devote to Modern Reject. However, that time has come and gone. So I’m freeing myself up. My goal is to write 2-3 times a week, but if I don’t some weeks, I don’t. I hope you support me in that and offer your continual grace.
I’m not popular. Now, you my lovely readers might disagree, but allow me to explain. This was a big revelation for me and an important one. I used to (and would confess up until a few weeks ago still felt this) dream about Modern Reject making it big. You know, a post going viral, thousands and thousands of readers, a book deal, a platform, a column in some well-respected publication. But I’m not RHE or JVM and truth is, I probably never will be.
But, this ain’t no pity party, so keep reading…
God reminded me that I’m not popular. I mean, I’ve always known this, but now I feel like I’m okay knowing it. I accept it. Heck, I’m sort of relieved by it.
Because Jesus wasn’t popular either. I don’t tend to fit into people’s categories. I’m not liberal/progressive enough for some. I’m not fundamental/conservative enough for others. I don’t write about current events (much) or debate politics. I don’t write beautifully or lyrically. I don’t dwell in the gray because I find purpose and freedom in the black and white. And this is not where most people want to land.
Most Christians do not want to read a blog like Modern Reject. Those of you who are committed to this community are truth-seekers and I believe God honors that.
Some people think I’ve become a whack-job Christian, charismatic and weird. Some don’t believe the things I write and others feel threatened. Yet, not one group can lay claim to me. No one can say, “Yeah, Nicole, she’s with us. She’s [fill in the blank with any number of Christian labels.] ” The only person who can claim me is Jesus Christ. I’m His and this is His blog.
The Lord settled it in my Spirit that MR might never make it big, but He also reassured me that I am absolutely where I am supposed to be.
So, moving forward I’m going to be writing more like this and this and heck, even this. I’m going to trust the Holy Spirit when He plants ideas. I’m going to forget about what I thought this would be and instead embrace what it has become. I’m going to offer to you the only thing I know to give –a deeper revelation of Jesus Christ because minute by minute that is all He is doing. And that’s all I care about.