Last week, I posted a video called Ted Bundy’s Dirty Little Secret. The comments that followed were impassioned and varying. The dirty little secret is pornography. I promised to do a follow-up post discussing my own personal views and story regarding the subject, so here I am, ready to talk porn.
I imagine that almost all of us, in one way or another, have been affected by pornography. It is so rampant and so prevalent that it is difficult to escape.
My porn story is probably very much like other porn stories, and it begins on a warm Arizona afternoon…Continue reading My Porn Story
I saw this video a week or so ago over at Human 3rror. I haven’t stopped thinking about it. Please take a few minutes to watch. It is extremely powerful and devastating.
Then consider these questions: How do you see Bundy’s “dirty little secret” affect the world? The church? Individual homes? Marriages? Have you ever struggled with the same “dirty little secret” or known people who have? How do we battle this “secret”?
Next Tuesday I will be doing a follow-up post on this topic, discussing my own personal experiences with the same “dirty little secret.”
Today’s post is the third in the Don’t Believe the Lie series. Americans are constantly fed the line that we deserve everything and we can have anything. We are told that, when it comes to career, family, finances, and material possessions, we really can have it all.
The sad thing is, this is simply not true. “Having it all” is a cultural myth that people have spread in order to justify the numerous and varying priorities in life, constantly pulling us in different directions.
Having it all conjures up ideas of a perfect life, filled with things and stuff, while simultaneously holding your dream job and being married to your soul mate. I hate to say it, but I’ve got to: Sorry, but you can’t have it all. Continue reading Sorry, But You CAN’T Have it All
My husband loves movies, and I mean loooves. We watch a lot of movies. We talk about the cinematography, the direction, the acting, the writing. We theorize about which film will walk away with the Oscar for Best Picture.
We are suckers for summer blockbusters, critically-acclaimed, low-budget, and indie films alike. We rarely, however, take any time to discuss the ins and outs of the best makeup artist, or the dude who holds the boom mic. We know the actors names, sure, they are famous. We know the director, because he is an ar-tist, who has repertoire of distinguished films under his belt. Sadly, however, we pay very little attention to the hundreds, even thousands of people who do the rest necessary to actually make a movie.
I don’t remember the first time I heard the phrase “God will never give you more than you can handle,” I just know that, at some point, it became a Christian-ism for me. I felt comforted knowing that God would never allow anything to happen that I could not “handle,” whatever that meant. I’d always be okay. Things would never be so terrible, as to crush me.
I remember quite a few years ago even writing those words to a Jewish friend of mine who was going through a difficult time. I felt like it was in the Bible. It seemed like it should be in the Bible. It sounded scripture-y. I didn’t actually check to see if it was in the Bible however.
But then I got knocked up side the head with the truth. Last week I wrote the post, You CANNOT Be Anything You Want, which was part one in my latest series, Don’t Believe the Lie. You see, that whole “God won’t give you more than you can handle” business is a lie, as well. A nice, big, fat one, too. Oh, how Satan has twisted that one and we’ve bought it.
I am a product of the self-esteem movement. Thank goodness my parents didn’t buy into the idea wholeheartedly. Children born in the 70’s and 80’s were raised based on the idea that building self-esteem is a critical component to raising well-adjusted children. There was a belief among parents that self-esteem was an extrinsic quality and needed to be fostered by parents themselves.
Kids were spoon-fed lies like, “You can be anything,” and “You can do it all.” Why were they told this? Because their parents bought the lie too, that building a child’s self-esteem is critical to raising an emotional healthy child. Problem is, it’s not.
In fact, the Gospel of Self-Esteem is dangerous.
In the wake of liberalism and political correctness, more and more parents are latching on to the notion of self-esteem. It has now expanded into schools and children’s sports, as well. In Ottawa, Canada a rule has been established by the local soccer league stating that a team cannot win by more than 5 goals. That’s right. If they score a sixth goal, they lose. In an attempt to make the losing children feel better about the fact that they lost, they have created “a non-competitive environment.” Swell, sounds like fun. Why bother playing?
Those who grew up swimming in the sea of the self-esteem movement were slapped in the face when the reality hit that not everyone is going to give you accolades or pats on the back. They very quickly realized that you don’t necessarily deserve praise just for showing up. You earn a reward when you perform well.
Your boss will not always throw you a “Job well done, Captain,” or an “Atta boy.” People expect responsibility and performance from adults. Go figure. There are certain things expected of us in life and there are other things for which we must strive. Confusing the two creates children—and then adults—who are underachievers and yet “over-expecters”. They have accomplished little, yet expect to receive the same kind of reward and recognition as those who have done much.
Now that I am a parent, I caution myself in praising too much or praising the wrong things. I try to avoid verbally praising my children for things that I expect them to do, like sit at the dinner table and eat dinner, or pick up their toys, or be kind to one another. That’s not to say that I don’t recognize those things, however. I give lots of “pleases” and “thank you’s”. I will say to my daughter for instance, “Did you know it pleases God when you are kind to your brother? Thank you for being kind to him today.”
I am certainly still figuring out the balance between praising my children and giving them unnecessary compliments. I am attempting to let the Lord lead me in this area as I listen for his instruction.
One thing the Lord has showed me is that children, do not in fact, gain self-esteem because someone lavished verbal praise upon them. Rather, self-esteem and self-efficacy develop from discipline, healthy boundaries, and in knowing the person of Jesus. God says we are valuable and worthwhile. He says we are treasured and can be adopted into His family through Christ.
God doesn’t place any emphasis on self-esteem. He places emphasis on knowing Him and letting Him know us. That’s not to say though that we can skip out on hard work or the effort needed to achieve something. God is a rewarder and He also created work for us to do. Yet, we find our significance and worth in and through Him. A “job well done” will never compare to a “Well done good and faithful servant.”
Are you a proponent or opponent of the self-esteem movement? How, if at all, has God encouraged your “self-esteem”? What is a good way to encourage and motivate others others?
