Do You Have a Spiritual Resume?

from the archives

I have often felt that I work for God, which isn’t entirely wrong, but also not entirely correct.

I have awoken far too many mornings feeling like I need to put on my interview suit and best shoes in order to gain access to God.

I have positioned Him as the ultimate employer, who is only willing to hire me if my resume is exceptional. Do I have all of the necessary credentials to apply for the job of Christian? And not just Christian, but “super Christian”?

I list all of my qualifications before God. I tally my moments of service, my hours of reading the Word, my number of disciples.

Then, I submit my spiritual resume to God. Continue reading Do You Have a Spiritual Resume?

These Days…

Let me start this post, by stating emphatically that I love my life, like love it. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love my God. I even love the towering piles of laundry that never seem to completely vanish and the dust that seems to settle on every surface of my house after only one day.

I love the curves that my hips have formed from carrying not one, not two, but three children in my belly. I love knowing that I might never look the same, that the stretch marks on my body exist to prove my love for those children. I even love the way my fatigue from a newborn has made blogging seem less important, less notable, because well, it is.

But still.

Sometimes these days, only sometimes, I dream of being away. Somewhere, anywhere, that is free. Free from incessant, often piercing toddler tantrums. Free from middle-of-the-night baby cries that pull me from a deep sleep only to leave me laying awake in a warm bed, remembering what real sleep once felt like.

I dream of being free.

Free from insurmountable amounts of housework, that not even a pioneer woman could deplete. Free from the wildly surging hormones that rush through my body, desperate to make me cry and laugh at the same exact time. Free from the pressure I place upon myself to write, to be creative, to do it again and again.

Yet, I know, that deep down, leaving these things behind wouldn’t actually make me free. And it’s not so much that I want to leave them, as much as I want to be alone. Continue reading These Days…

The Prayer God Didn’t Answer

Last Thursday, I posed the question: Who Has Most Influenced Your Walk with Jesus? Many of you left such inspiring answers, from grandparents who taught you what living for Jesus is really like, to pastors, teachers, friends, authors, and parents.

I had one commenter ask me if I was going to share my influences, as well. I hadn’t thought about it upon asking the question, but as I began to read everyone else’s answers something became very apparent.

I didn’t really know how to answer the very question I had posed to all of you. Truth be told, I was jealous of most people’s answers, because the reality is, I don’t really have an answer.

How can that be? Well, I’ll tell you… Continue reading The Prayer God Didn’t Answer

Friday Findings: Getting Real on Driscoll and One Word

Frieday Findings on Modern RejectCan you believe it is nearing the end of the first week of 2012? I have to say that I’m already tired. Yes, I took my longest-ever blog vacation at the end of December, but I could also use a Caribbean vacation. hmmm…now that’s got me thinking. Nevermind that, on with Friday Findings….

Real Marriage, Sorta. Well, one person and one book, dominated the blogogsphere this week: Mark Driscoll and his new book (co-authored with his wife Grace) Real Marriage.

Now, I have never written about Driscoll on this blog. I’m pretty neutral on him, even though he is such a divisive character. People love him or they really don’t. All that to say, I did read some fair and balanced reviews of his book this week.

My favorite review of Real Marriage came from a blogger I very much respect and follow regularly, Jr. Forasteros. Check it out.

Honorable mention goes to Rachel Held Evans review, because while she holds great disdain for Driscoll, she was still willing to review his book, albeit not a very unbiased review. Her review does, however, touch on the idea that we, as Christians, expect far too much from our pastors.

One Word. For those of you who were around on Tuesday, you may have read about my anti-resolution practice of choosing only one word for the whole year. Well, turns out there is an entire website around this idea (thanks to Alece of Grit and Glory for letting me know). Go read about the words others are choosing. Be inspired. Kick 2012’s butt.

Ring me. Now, this may seem totally random, but hey, it’s Friday Findings, which means I list the things I find. This time, I found some retro phones that make my heart sing. I’m a sucker for anything retro and phones top the list.

I’m on the radio. For those of you interested, I will also be on The Drew Marshall Show tomorrow at 2:00 p.m. EST.  I’ll be talking about some of my most controversial topics, which along side Mr. Marshall should be fun, to say the least. Feel free to listen in and show me some radio love.

So what struck your fancy this week? Favorite reads, new inspirations, silliness or something else? Share away.

30 Things You Never Want to Hear Your Significant Other Say

It’s the first Wednesday of the new year, which means today I’m writing about my two favorite people: Men and Women. The blogosphere is all abuzz with the new Mark Driscoll book, Real Marriage. I thought I ‘d respond to some of the critics and supporters of the book, but alas, I decided to write something fun instead.

The following is a list of things you never want to hear your boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse say to you. We’ve all heard them too–the lame line that lingered in our minds. The mortifying comment we never shared with another soul. Perhaps you’ve even said some of these yourself. Disclaimer: Some of these comments are marriage specific, i.e. they deal with sex, so hopefully your boyfriend or girlfriend wouldn’t be saying those things to you in the first place.

So let the unsavory, rude, embarrassing, and plain old selfish comments begin: Continue reading 30 Things You Never Want to Hear Your Significant Other Say

Don’t Make Resolutions. Do This Instead…

I don’t like resolutions. In fact, I can remember as a child listening to the adults discussing their various New Years resolutions–things like losing weight, finding a spouse, wearing less spandex–and thinking that it sounded like a complete waste of time.

I mean, why make a list of improbable, if not impossible, goals only to be left flattened and disappointed when the next 365 days rolls around? What’s the point?

Now, as you can tell I’m not much of a goal setter, but don’t hold that against me. Despite my adverse reaction to setting goals (which I’m working on, by the way) I do happen to engage in a rather cool and challenging New Year practice. Instead of making resolutions, I choose a word. One word for the whole year.

That word becomes my motivation, convicting reminder, constant companion, and sometimes my bane. But nevertheless, it is my word for the year. And I’d challenge you to do the same this year. So, what’s my word for 2012? Well, I’m glad you asked… Continue reading Don’t Make Resolutions. Do This Instead…

#1 of 2011: God WILL Give You More than You Can Handle

I had no idea how many people search for the phrase “God won’t give you more than you can handle,” when I wrote this post. All I knew was the idea that God didn’t give us too much was a lie. And a big fat one at that.

I wasn’t trying to encourage people in their struggles, so much as remind them that God does not protect us from struggles. There is no glass ceiling on suffering. My hope in writing this post was to tell believers that we aren’t meant to carry all of our burdens alone, but more so, that no where in the Bible does this whole “God not giving you more than you can handle” thing exist. We made it up to feel better about our problems, I’m sure.

But truth is more powerful than the most sophisticated lie. Truth brings light. His Light brings clarity and comfort, peace and provision…and there is nothing He can’t “handle.”

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God WILL Give You More than You Can Handle

I don’t remember the first time I heard the phrase “God will never give you more than you can handle,” I just know that, at some point, it became a Christian-ism for me. I felt comforted knowing that God would never allow anything to happen that I could not “handle,” whatever that meant. I’d always be okay. Things would never be so terrible, as to crush me.

I remember quite a few years ago even writing those words to a Jewish friend of mine who was going through a difficult time. I felt like it was in the Bible. It seemed like it should be in the Bible. It sounded scripture-y. I didn’t actually check to see if it was in the Bible however.

But then I got knocked up side the head with the truth. Last week I wrote the post, You CANNOT Be Anything You Want, which was part one in my latest series, Don’t Believe the Lie. You see, that whole “God won’t give you more than you can handle” business is a lie, as well. A nice, big, fat one, too. Oh, how Satan has twisted that one and we’ve bought it.

The truth is, the Bible doesn’t talk about giving or not giving us more than we can handle.

The verse that Christians so often confuse with this phrase is 1Corinthians 10:13:

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

The key word here is “temptation.” We are promised here by the apostle Paul that God will not allow us to be “tempted beyond our ability.” Temptation is very different from the vast, exhaustive list in life of anything that could happen to us. God doesn’t say He won’t give us what we can’t handle. He says we won’t be tempted beyond our ability.

What is our ability? Well the second half of the verse, I think, helps answer that question: “but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” Our ability is tied to the way of escape. We are offered an exit door with every temptation. It is through that exit door, in part, that we receive the ability to resist the temptation. We cannot endure a temptation unless we escape it. Our ability is also measured by our maturity in Christ and our reliance upon the Holy Spirit, among other things.

God certainly does allow us to experience more than we can handle, though. Jesus was given more than He could humanly “handle.” He was beaten and crucified to death. He died without sin, however, because while He was tempted, He knew the way of escape.

I heard Beth Moore discuss this topic once. She referred to a parent losing a child. She told the story of a woman she knew who had watched 6 of her babies die, one after another. Years later she was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder that essentially killed each of her children.

Was this woman’s loss enough for her to “handle?”  We say, “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle,”,  and we lie to ourselves. Was burying 6 infants more than this woman could handle? I think so. She reportedly fell into a dark and consuming depression. She couldn’t handle it. She wasn’t meant to handle it. Years later, Beth Moore saw this woman, after losing her own foster child. The two women wept together over the loss of their children. They could not handle the pain alone. We are not meant to either.

God will inevitably allow us to experience more than we can handle in perhaps the death of a parent, or a spouse. Perhaps it is watching a life-long dream wither away. Soldiers who have watched their friends die in combat. Mental illness, depression, disease. Or even the realization that you have been wasting your life and have nothing to show for it. Any of these things might be more than we can handle and that’s the point.

Christianity is not the guarantee of an easy life, but the abundant life. It makes us uncomfortable to think about suffering loss and God allowing that loss. Don’t get me started on Job. It wrecks me. God wants us to cling to Him, though, to hold onto Him for dear life sometimes, because, without Him, we would drift away into nothingness. We will suffer greatly, at some time in our life, and it is because of our  sufferings and through our sufferings that we can become more like Jesus. Paul wrote, for example:

“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.” Philippians 3:10

I want to know Christ and, if sharing in His sufferings is one way, then so be it. I accept the idea that God will, perhaps at more than one point in my life, allow me to experience such pain and loss that I will be broken under the weight of it. Then I can look to my Lord, the lover of my soul, and cry out to Him, knowing He is the only One who can save me. (And if I forget, I have this blog post to come back to at that point.)

I do not want to buy into the lie any longer of naively believing that there is some magic limit or glass ceiling on suffering. There isn’t, and we demean the power of Christ’s sufferings when we assume there is.

Have you falsely believed this lie, like I once did? Do you think Christians suffer for believing this lie, and if so, how and why?

 

#2 of 2011: Why Do You Believe in God?

I sort of thought of this post as a throw away when I wrote it. It didn’t seem especially profound, deep, or intellectual. It was just me expressing the feelings and experiences that have led me to believe in God.

Somewhere along the way, this here post made its way onto Reddit where it created a wave of conversation and discussion. Suddenly, thousands of people were reading this post. So much for what I thought was a throw away. It goes to show that you can never predict what people will want to read. You can only write for yourself and hope others will come along too.

As an aside, a few atheists commented on the original post too, wanting to debate God’s existence. To be clear, this post is for people who already believe God exists. It is an opportunity to state why you know His presence in your own life…nothing more, nothing less.

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Why Do You Believe in God?

Growing up, the idea of God was presented as a possibility. God, the man upstairs as it were, was at least an option of the table for me as a child. Granted, He was not Jesus Christ, the Messiah, but He was at least mentioned.

Years later, when I finally did meet Christ, I believe I was much more open to saying “yes” because at the very least, I believed in a God, if not the God.

Ironically, now that I am devoted to Jesus Christ, my family wonders why–how. Why have I become a “Christian” (often said as a dirty word). Why do I believe so wholeheartedly and completely in God?

This question is a lot trickier than it appears. I’d like to give some simple, succinct, yet powerful answer, but the truth is…I can’t. The answer is so much more….

Instead of answering the question of why I believe in God, in part, comes down to a series of events and the subsequent emotions associated with those events.

Here’s what I mean: God saves. I feel secure. God protects. I feel safe. God redeems. I feel hope. God gives. I feel humbled. And so on and so on…

My belief that God is real and alive and living in me, is not a guessing game, but rather me acknowledging who He is and what He has done for me. I can look back over my life and plainly see when and where God has stepped in, directed, prompted, challenged, or encouraged me.

Not only can I see Him working in my life, but I can also feel Him. Now this is where my unbelieving family gets even more skeptical. Feel Him? Yes. Feel His presence.

Sure, it sounds nebulous. It even sounds a bit irrational and kooky, but anyone who truly loves Jesus knows what it is to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. Once it is experienced it cannot be mistaken. It cannot be faked or forgotten…and it certainly cannot be forfeited. You will always want more.

In knowing God, I also know that one of the strongest pieces of evidence that He is real and working on me is because of well, me. I am not who I used to be. I am a new creation. I don’t say this casually or flippantly, just throwing about a cliche scriptural reference.

I am a new creation. I am so far removed from who I used to be and who I thought I was that it can only point to belief in God. I’m not sure if people change on their own. I don’t think they really do. There has to be a catalyst and mine was Jesus Christ.

Lastly, as my faith has grown and matured and my eyes have been opened, I see more and more evidence for the existence of God all around. From the vastness of the stars, to the raging oceans, to the dense forest, to the profound love of my husband, to the sound of my children’s laughter, to watching my belly swell with life and feeling that life move inside of me–only to be born through what can only be described as a miracle…

I see God everywhere. The evidence of His hand is unmistakable. Yet, I will just continue to pray for those who have yet to have their eyes opened.

Why do you believe in God? Is it factual, faith, emotion, all of the above? What did you believe about God before knowing Him?

#3 of 2011: Have Sex…Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

Today’s post on the 2011 countdown, while one of the most read of the year, has also proven to be the most controversial to make the list. The reason? It seems that people regard my advice for wives to say “yes” to sex more as the equivalent to endorsing rape. I kid you not.

Some time ago, this post made its way on to a number of athesits blogs. I happen to read the comments on these particular blogs and people legititametly said I was promoting the act of rape against women. Astonishing.

Really, this post is all about encouraging women to engage in marital sex more, even when conditions aren’t right or they are tired because in doing so, you will bless your husband and your marriage. If you’re interested, read the comments on the original post too. They are passionate, in both support and opposition.

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Have Sex…Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

Having sex in marriage is important. Necessary. Crucial.

Women need sex to feel emotionally connected. Men need sex to feel loved and desirable.

But as most married women will tell you, marriage sure slows down the frequency of sex and sexual mood. Whether it be long work days, stress, children, or other daily distraction–a woman’s sexual impulse can be sucked right out.

All too often in marriage, women find themselves saying “no” to sex much more than “yes.” There is even the mythical male who turns down sex with his wife… a very rare breed, indeed.

I have heard it said before that women should just go ahead and have sex, even when they don’t feel like it. I agree with that sentiment and here’s why:

I know some people might think this idea sounds downright archaic and misogynistic. But, here I am–a modern woman–telling other women to just get busy, even when the urge isn’t there.

Reason being, marriage convinced me of the male need for sex. Dennis Prager has discussed this topic on his radio show quite frequently. He refers to women pulling the old famous sex shutdown line: “I don’t feel like it.” His response to that excuse makes me smile. To paraphrase him:

In life there are countless things we have to do each day, even though we “don’t feel like it.” We go to work, pay our bills, call that one annoying guy, get to bed at a reasonable hour, even though we don’t necessarily feel like it. Why should sex be any different?

Women have somehow hijacked sex and planted this notion in their minds that sex is always suppose to be romantic, or glamorous, or that they must be totally 100% “in the mood” in order to have it. If these prerequisites aren’t met, well then, no sex.

I took a pre-marriage class with my husband and one of the week’s topics was sex in marriage. A sex expert (such a cool job title by the way) and counselor taught us that, on average, men need sex 2 to 3 times per week–not want sex twice a week, but actually need sex (you’re welcome gentlemen. I’m spreading the word).

For men, sex is a stress release, a wanted distraction from their busy lives and responsibilities. It is also how they feel loved from their wives, which, if you ask me, is sorta important.

On day 13 of turning down your husband, men don’t only feel pent-up stress, but they also begin to feel unloved and undesirable.

My friend Carrington just wrote a post challenging women to say “yes” to sex more. I have practiced this and, let me just tell you that it makes a difference in my marriage. The hubster and I have better quality and more frequent sex now than ever (too much detail? Sorry, hope you’re not blushing).

If I’m not up for being intimate in that exact moment–usually 11:00 o’clock at night after a day of being covered in toddler slime, then I will reschedule for another time. Which is a reminder to men–timing is important. Don’t ask her at the end of a very long, tiring day. Ask her when she feels most in the mood, when the iron is hot, so to speak. For more tips, gentlemen, on improving your sex life, check out this post.

Ladies, commit to trying to say “yes” at least three times in a row. Set the mood. Take a shower. Pray. Lock yourself in the bathroom for 10 minutes away from little ones (I highly recommend this one). Do whatever you need to do to say “yes.”

The more I go ahead and have sex, even when I don’t feel in the mood, the more God has actually blessed our sex life. And guess what, when I say “yes” more, I’m much more apt to get “in the mood” faster, too. In fact, I have the “I’m not in the mood” thought run through my mind rarely these days.

So, when he asks, pounce on him. Or heck, don’t wait for him to ask… pounce first, ask questions later.

Do you agree or disagree? Do you think women should say “yes” even when they might not be in the mood? Have you practiced this?  What has made a difference in your married sex life?