Me Archives - Page 3 of 9

My One Word for the Year

So, you may know that I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I find them to be a big fat waste of time–like watching 15 straight hours of Top Chef over the holiday season, which I did not do, by the way (or did I?).

Resolutions are just our way of saying, “Here’s where I sucked last year, so let me make a list so I can suck again this year.” No thank you. I’m set.

Sure, I make goals, but only because my uber-driven, easily organized, and eternally enthusiastic husband makes me. He forces me to get all reflective (which I hate), and introspective (which I hate even more) about the past year. It kills me…in a good way, but still.

One thing I do practice every single January, however, is choosing one word for the year. Now, it seems that the whole “choose one word,” thing has become annoyingly popular, *ahem* I mean, trendy, which like any good reject makes me want to stop doing it altogether. But, I’m holding fast to knowing that I started choosing a word for the year, years ago, so I count myself a trend setter–not a follower.

(Now, that I’ve got that out of the way). Follow me? he he…

Yes. You should follow me in this whole choose one word idea because, well, it’s really cool (and kinda not-so-cool, but I’ll get to that part). Here’s why…

Because I don’t actually pick the word. God does. Continue reading My One Word for the Year

Jesus and Vomit

[from the archives] My kids were sick with the stomach flu (again) this week and this post came to mind. I thought it was worth re-sharing.

My kids had the stomach flu last week, meaning there was lots of vomiting…everywhere…for days. This is never fun as a parent. Never.

Once the sickness subsided and life began to return to normal, I curled up in my bed and began reading some more of Crazy Love, Francis Chan’s book, which I am currently making my way through.

And what do I begin to read, but a whole chapter dedicated to defining exactly what a lukewarm person looks like. Suddenly, I felt uncomfortable. I got squirmy. “Yeah, that’s me,” I thought to myself. “Yup, I do that,” or “No, I don’t, but I should.”

While reading, my week of cleaning up vomit came full circle. I was struck with an image of Christ, bent over, racked with grief and pain, vomiting…violently vomiting. What was He vomiting up? …Me. Continue reading Jesus and Vomit

To My Naysayers…

No one told me this would be so hard.

No one explained to me that people will read and assume–that they will project their own messes onto me and that I will be, at times, buried by it.

No one could have told me, because no one could have known, how much God would use this to bring me to a place of discipline, where for so long, I had none.

And here’s the thing–this isn’t real.

The words you read here, on this blog, are not me. You know that right?

For all my attempts to be honest, vulnerable, transparent, and real (along with every other Christian cliche term regarding “openness”) I can’t really be… Continue reading To My Naysayers…

Confessions of a Mean Girl

I suppose it was survival. A defense mechanism developed as the result of years and years of bullying.

Girls can be mean. Vicious, really. Cruel, even.

I never saw it happening or noticed the moment when I changed. It was a transformation just like anything. A process, that took me from being who I really was to someone I never wanted to be.

The girls you read about in teen novels and who play the villain in teen movies. That was me. I was no caricature, but I was the girl that exists at every high school. I was a product of my environment.

I was bullied and so eventually, I became a bully. I was a mean girl. Continue reading Confessions of a Mean Girl

I Didn’t Celebrate

Back in July, something remarkable happened, something truly miraculous and I didn’t even stop to take notice.

Somewhere at the end of the month, I glanced at a calendar and realized that I had been blogging for a whole 2 years. While this might not sound impressive, and why should it, I find it amazing.

It’s amazing that somehow, despite not really wanting this, I have it.

It’s amazing to me that anyone shows up to read the words I write when I feel certain some days that they mean nothing.

And it’s amazing that somehow, a few days a week, for two years, I have managed to find something to write about in the first place. Not to mention, having done so while raising babies, battling pain, and surrendering to the ministry God has for me.

But, blogging in all of it’s difficulties and all of its joy has taught me one very important lesson: Continue reading I Didn’t Celebrate

So, I Almost Died…Sorta

I felt on edge all week, but didn’t figure this was anything to worry about. I’d also not been feeling well physically, having been racked with migraines and pain throughout my body.

So, come last Friday when I woke up feeling miserable, I was determined to not let the pain or stress win. I fought against the day. Have you ever felt like that? Where you feel as if you are simply spending your physical energy to resist? I was resisting pain, stress, a burdened heart, loneliness, anger, fatigue. I was fighting against an invisible and yet very real enemy.

And in my fight, I decided that I would win which meant doing something that usually makes me feel better: exercising. So I headed to the gym with my kids in tow, for an hour long kick box class. I felt good. I felt strong. I finished well.

But, as we headed to the car, I realized that something wasn’t right. I was suddenly dizzy and breathless. I reached down and touched my chest and felt mildly shocked to find that my heart was racing, not beating, but racing. I had been out of class for some time. My heart shouldn’t have been racing, but that was just the beginning. Continue reading So, I Almost Died…Sorta

The Death of My Dream

For a really long time, I wanted to be a magazine editor. Or rather, I wanted to start my own magazine and then declare myself “editor.” It was my life-long dream. Everyone who knew me, knew I would one day be an Editor-in-Chief.

Then something happened. I guess you could just call it “life.”

Life happened, as it tends to do and I was sidetracked from my dream.

The trouble is, that dream had been with me for so long that I almost didn’t know who I was–or who I was supposed to be–without it. For as long as I could remember, I had envisioned myself living in New York City, scraping by, but wildly in love and passionate about my fledgling, yet growing political magazine.

So, when the reality that this little dream would probably never actually become reality itself set in, I was shaken. Continue reading The Death of My Dream

My Favorite Posts You Haven’t Read

Sex sells. So does raising titillating and often uncomfortable questions it seems. At least, those are some of the things that “sell” on this blog.

A little while ago, I shared the Top 10 Posts of 2012 (So Far). The posts that comprised that list were a bit of a surprise to me. Sure, some are a given, but it seems that almost every time I write a post that I absolutely, completely love and feel proud of–only a few of you read it.

My favorites posts get less action and the posts that I am undoubtedly unsure of and feel insecure about usually do well. Go figure.

But, with all that in mind, I thought I’d share a few of My Favorite Posts You Haven’t Read (maybe you have read these because you are a hardcore “reject” and for that I thank you). I’m going all the way back to the archives from two years ago when I started this baby.

Here they are, in no particular order: Continue reading My Favorite Posts You Haven’t Read

Top 10 Ways to Not Be a Jerk

I’m just finishing up a little vacation with my family and as a result today’s post is from the archives. I hope you don’t mind and I hope you enjoy. P.S. If you want to be a total stalker (shhh, I won’t tell) find me on Instagram as “Modernreject” to see my vacation pics.

I’ve been a bit of a jerk lately. I mean, you may not have noticed. People around me may not have noticed much, but I have. And God has certainly noticed.

My jerkiness has been manifesting itself as pride. Ugh. I hate that word: pride. It is a word that haunts me. Before knowing Christ I was extremely prideful and not in that cocky semi-attractive way. I was prideful in that don’t even think about telling me what to do because I already know it all kind of way.

God has definitely broken me (like a wild stallion) of much of my pride. But, every once in a while, if I’m not careful, it starts to creep back up and finds its way into my relationship with the Lord. He has been patient with me, more than I deserve. I have realized I have been a bit of a jerk recently to those around me and especially to God, thanks to that unattractive yet persistent pride of mine.

Oh, pride is ugly. It is a turn-off. It can even control you but, here are some ways to not let pride take over. Here are 10 ways to not be a jerk: Continue reading Top 10 Ways to Not Be a Jerk

The Death and Resurrection of Marriage

Marriage is dying, but not in the way we might think.

I, for one, didn’t really care much about marriage when I was younger. I came from a divorced home, feeling separated from my father before I could even form a full memory of his face.

I watched both parents remarry and felt the pain and anger rage inside of me at the age of six, in knowing that despite my fantasy, my parents would never reunite.

I saw my parents new marriages be nothing like anything I ever wanted for myself–so much work, so much effort, so much sacrifice.

By the time I was 16, I was convinced that marriage and I didn’t mix. I wanted to roam free, be free, feel free. I didn’t need a man. I didn’t need a piece of paper to tell me that I loved someone. I was enough and that was enough.

And then that persistent Savior of mine grabbed my heart hard and fast and before I could catch my breath in order to scream out “No!” I was reconsidering what it meant to say “I do.” Continue reading The Death and Resurrection of Marriage