I’m a chick and I’m married to a dude. And let me just say, chicks and dudes are different. Our brains process ideas differently. We handle stress differently. We think about sex differently. You name it, it’s different. I long to ask liberals who spout the idea that there is no difference between men and women if they have actually, in fact, ever met a man or a woman.
One thing you never hear is men walking around saying things like…
“Man, girls are so lucky. They get to wear makeup and get mani-pedis with no social stigma. They are the first ones off sinking ships and crashed airplanes.”
It doesn’t happen. Men like being men. They prefer being men. Ask any heterosexual male if he has ever wanted to be a woman and you will get a resounding “NO!”
Women, on the other hand, have been known to daydream about being men on occasion. It seems so much easier, nicer, and convenient to be of the male gender–to be one of the dudes.
Women do walk around saying things like, “Gosh, I wish I could be a guy for a day. It must be so nice to just roll out of bed and be ready to walk out the door in 2 minutes. Theyhave better jobs with better pay. Gray hair and wrinkles make them distinguished and sexy. It’s just not fair!”
The thing I most envy in men, though, is their ability to make friends.Women have a hard time making friends. Most men do not. Men can meet once or twice and then hang out like they have known each other for years.
Women, not so much. We have the courting period with other women, where we see if they are trustworthy. Then we have a few first dates—maybe a couples’ dinner, coffee, or a social gathering. If they pass the first date round, then–and only then–can they be moved into the “unofficial friend” category (which is still a probationary period, obviously). In the unofficial friend category we can move up to things like shopping together, movies, real prayer requests, etc. This phase can last months, even years before an unofficial friend gets promoted to a “close friend” or the coveted best friend position.
It can be exhausting being a woman. I wish I could snap my fingers and make three new best friends. I wish I could compartmentalize my life like men can. I wish I could just be ready and feel ready for sex at the drop of a hat. I wish my emotions didn’t rule the day, some days. But I can’t. I am forced to go along with the normal female course. So, I sigh and wonder why chicks can’t be more like dudes…at least in some ways.
Do you ever daydream of being the opposite sex? Do you think men or women have it easier? Do you sympathize with the difficulties in making friends?
Update: Since writing this post (because it is from my archives) I really have made some awesome and totally rad chick friendships. God answered my whining, incessant prayer for more friends. He rocks.
So true about the differences in making friends for each sex. I do think men are much more accepting than women and I am learning to be more like them and ultimately, Jesus. He is our perfect example!
I think that being a man would only be easier in regards to getting ready, otherwise, I do not envy them. The men in my life I respect provide, protect, nurture, and cover their families in prayer and love.
Malisa,
I agree that, while it may appear that me have it easier, I wouldn’t really want to trade.
I look at the sacrifice and hard work my husband puts forth each day and I’m not so sure I could do the same.
But I would definitely take the male ability to make friends and roll out of bed! For sure! In general, I think men are just way for relaxed about things that women could learn from too.
This is all true, but men also have an easier time saying good bye to their “best friends”. We females latch onto our friends and it takes a lot before we close the door on them. Males, it seems to me anyway, they don’t have a problem with not talking to their buddies. If their ‘close friend’ makes a jerk move, they can easily stop talking to them and move on. I do not like that trait. Are they really true friends if it is so easy for them to shut the door at a drop of a hat?
I’ve noticed this too in men. I’m not sure how I feel about it either. When my husbands friendships have changed or ended, however, he is quick to point out that some people are only in our lives for a time–a season. We need to recognize this fact or we will always be disappointed over lost friendships. I’m still learning this, but I think it is wise and true.
I agree, why can’t women be more like men (in some areas). I think what bothers me the most about women is the fact that we care so much. We are all so vain (at least at times). Men can roll out of bed because they are (typically) secure in themselves, however, women feel the need to look a certain way, dress a certain way, wear the right amount of make-up, etc. It’s frustrating.
Not going to lie, I became so frustrated with this, that I threw away my make-up and my brush. I haven’t brushed my hair (I comb through it in the shower) or worn make-up in nearly 8 months, and may I just say, what FREEDOM! I feel so much more security in myself as an individual without the pressure this world throws at women, the whole “look this way in order to be accepted” The lies the Enemy can throw at us, it’s heartbreaking. God has been teaching me that when I find my security in Him, I don’t have to feel pressured to be (or look) a certain way.
Great post Nicole! Thanks for sharing.
Hannah,
You are my hero! I wish I had the gall to throw away my makeup and not feel trapped in that way. I have to confess though, that I really love makeup. It’s one of my hobbies.
Either way, you bring up a great point too–that women care too much. We do and we do it to ourselves.
I respect your decision to just reject the lie that we need to look or be a certain way. It’s inspiring.
Um. I hate to be the dissenting opinion, but…I’ve never really wished I was a man.
And my husband would take issue with you claiming that all men make friends easily. He does not. He finds it very difficult to meet other guys who are like him: who are not into football or other organized sports, who are family-focused and devout, and whom he feels he can really trust. It’s heartbreaking for me because he is such a good friend and a good person, but has yet to find another dad in our community who he really clicks with.
I think it can be a trap to lump all women and all men into categories. My husband doesn’t fit much of the stereotypes you put up there.
Karen,
You’re totally right. My comments here are meant to be a generalization, and of course I don’t think every man or woman is one way. Sorry for not explicitly stating that in my post.
My husband is always grouped with men who like fishing or hunting or sports or tools. He doesn’t care about any of those things. I feel like my husband doesn’t fit most stereotypes about men either, so I completely understand.
I have found, however, in my life that most men make friends relatively easy, especially when compared to most women.
I will be praying that your husband finds a good and true friend. I believe God really cares about friendship. I prayed for 2 years for a best friend and He answered my prayer just this year. It may take time, but He will. Blessings.
I’m in love with this post.
Thank you for being honest. Seriously.
May I have your permission to borrow quotes from this? I will not do so without your consent.
I shall be back, to be sure.
Respect,
Donald in Bethel, CT
Donald,
Of course you can borrow. Thank you for the kind words too.
Sweet. I’ll alert you via linkage when I borrow your stuff, so you can e sure I am not using your words inappropriately.
Grazie mille.
Donald in Bethel, CT
I remember this post! I think it was the beginning of our friendship! Such a good one! <3 you!
Huh… well, I’ll just come out and say I’m a guy and I’ve daydreamed about being a girl at times, even though I’m straight. And I have trouble keeping friendships with other guys, even though it shouldn’t be that hard. I’m not a bad guy, but I’m kinda the forgettable awkward fucker that cramps the guys’ style and embarrasses the ladies I’m with, so it makes sense that I get put out of the group a lot. I dunno, I guess the nature of your articles kinda typifies people who aren’t really anything like me, so I feel the need to add a little variance I guess by talking about myself again.