Christians place a whole lot of importance on marriage, whether right or wrong. Not only do they elevate marriage, but they also tend to over-analyze and over-spiritualize the process of finding a spouse.
They take spouse-hunting as just that–a sport or game of some kind complete with playbooks, rules, regulations and penalties. Or they treat the process of finding a spouse as a purely spiritual, holy, righteous, and sanctified event–complete with God coming down from heaven and lightning in the sky.
So who’s right? Is finding a spouse as complex as drafting your fantasy football team or just as holy as the transfiguration?
Here are some thoughts on finding a spouse and what God has to say about it:
Turns out, God doesn’t have too much to say on the topic. I mean, we know that dating isn’t mentioned in the Bible. There is, however, some awesome examples of courting and unmarried romance (and I don’t mean unmarried sex, but romance).
The Song of Solomon, for example, is two yet-to-be-lovers completely enamored of one another. Jacob and Rachel is another one of my favorite examples. But what are some practical things you can do to break past the “what ifs” in order to get to the “I do’s”? Well, lots. For starters:
Pray. Have you stopped to actually pray about your love life? And not only that, have you prayed a selfless prayer, one in which you don’t just ask for the perfect husband or wife and now? I mean, have you prayed for your future spouse–for their walk, their faith, their hearts? If not, start. If you have, keep doing it.
Date. I know for some believers, dating is a touchy subject. I get it, but it is also a super-fun way to, get this..find a spouse. Go figure. Gentleman, if you haven’t asked a girl out, please do. Be confident. Be bold. Just ask. Ladies, if no one has asked you out on a date yet, keep reading…
Be there. Where? Where the other potential spouses are, whether that’s at a college group, 20 something group, singles group, salsa class, dance party, bar mitzvah, or Carnival Cruise (although that may be dipping into the bottom of the barrel). Be around. Hang out with other single, seeking people. Sitting at home, on your rump, watching Family Guy re-runs does not count, nor will it bring Mr. or Mrs. Right to your front door.
Flirt. Yes, while you’re around other single people, show some interest in the person you are, well, interested in. Flirting is an art, so be sure to learn how.
Ask your friends. Okay, I admit this might sound a bit lame or embarrassing, but there is no shame, none whatsoever, in asking a friend if they have someone they could introduce you to. Not necessarily a blind date, just an introduction is all you need sometimes to see if there are sparks a flyin’.
Don’t settle. Don’t say “yes” to just anyone who asks you out or shows interest. Take pride in yourself. Don’t feel like any date is better than no date. God has not only what is good in mind for you, but what is best. That being said, however, remember to throw away your list because God often has something (meaning someone) else in mind.
Have fun. I know sometimes this is easier said than done. I remember wanting to be married, but I also know now that once your singleness is gone, it’s gone. Sayonara. Enjoy the time the Lord has given you. Be content in all things. Trust His timing, not your own. Finding a spouse can be a fun process. It doesn’t need to be complex or overly-spiritual. When you realize this, you won’t only feel fulfilled, you’ll be outrageously attractive and that is desirable, no matter what.
What have you done, or not done, to find a spouse? Are you actively seeking or passively waiting? If you’re married, what did you do to make it to “I do?” Comment away.