Category: Dying Daily

A Letter to Rick Warren

Dear Mr. Rick Warren,

Although you don’t know me and I am just one of thousands of people who have reached out to you following the tragic loss of your son, please know that I count you as a brother in Christ.

You are my family, bound by the blood of Jesus, separated only by time, destined to spend eternity together worshipping the Most High.

And as my family, when you grieve, I grieve. My heart breaks and aches for the loss you experienced and the pain you must now endure. I look at my own children and hold them closer, knowing that they are not truly mine. They belong to the Lord.  And God, in His remarkable love and kindness, entrusts us with these gifts. We are honored to shepherd them, for His namesake.

I desire to encourage you too, in the love, dedication, commitment, and hope you seemed to have displayed towards Matthew. On never giving up on him, on never surrendering, on continuing to stand in the gap, on trusting the Lord with your dear son.

The road of mental illness is often a long, winding, dark, and treacherous one. Even as Christ shines His light, the road remains cloaked in shadows of the unknown.

And nothing, absolutely nothing you did or did not do, allowed this tragedy to take place. Continue reading A Letter to Rick Warren

Why I Haven’t Been Writing…

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4

I don’t remember a time without pain. It seems that pain has always known me, having found me so young, so soon. Now, I’m not talking about the suffering most of us experience in life–loss, heartache, betrayal and the like (although I have known each of these, as well).

It’s not the pain of life I’m talking about, however. It is physical pain, the searing hurt that shocks your nerves and dulls all other senses. The kind of pain that leaves you unable to speak, dream, or even love for a time because how could you…how can you love as fully as you’d like when your body is not your own? When it has been taken hostage by an enemy.

Pain so real and so unwelcome that you live life as a muted version of yourself–lifeless, colorless, often hopeless.

A little over a month ago, I awoke to the familiar pain I have known since childhood. I have always had migraines, my weekly companion, but this particular morning I awoke to something much more fierce and unforgiving. Continue reading Why I Haven’t Been Writing…

Your Bag of Stinking Sin

Did you know that you don’t actually own your sin anymore? Jesus does. It’s not yours.

If I walked into a store and you were selling a bag of manure and I bought it from you, well, that manure would be mine. That bag of sh*t, literally. And for no reason would you attempt to buy back that bag of crap. Why would you? For what purpose? To once again have it strapped to your back, reeking and soiled, putrid and profane…

Because, I now own it–bought and paid. I can do with it what I please and you can no longer make any claims over the bag’s contents.

But what we so often do, is let Jesus buy our bag of manure–our sin, our past, our shame, our regret–and then we secretly act as though we still own it. Continue reading Your Bag of Stinking Sin

Our Ugly Jesus

When you imagine Jesus, what do you see? A man with a lovely shining face, long flowing hair, and a winning smile? Is your Jesus sun-kissed and bronzed, not quite Middle-Eastern and not quite Caucasian? A perfectly handsome, approachable, and even Western looking man?

We’ve all seen the paintings that hang on church walls and in elderly ladies homes–Jesus in His traditional white robe, surrounded by lambs and children, whilst His long dark hair blows softly in the wind.

But, is this really Jesus?

Was the Son of Man really a mix of a Ken doll and Romeo? Probably not. Many Bible scholars actually believe (and not that they are always right) Jesus was, in fact, ugly.

Yes…our ugly Savior. And so what if He was ugly, what does that matter?

Actually, it matters a lot… Continue reading Our Ugly Jesus

My Spiritual Wish List

So, last month I told you guys that my word for the year was “receive.” It sounds simple, harmless really, but for me this little word holds a lot of meaning.

Sitting around the table eating dinner with my church family, I told a few of my sisters what my word was and they responded with a collective “Oooohhhh….” Why? Because they know. Because they know me and they know that I have trouble receiving. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me squirm. I feel self-conscious and self-indulgent.

And this is what God has told me in the last few weeks…

The reason I have trouble receiving is because I have trouble asking.  Continue reading My Spiritual Wish List

Caught in the Act

Today’s guest post is from the talented Allison Vesterfelt. If you’ve yet to check out Allison’s blog, please do. I promise you will be encouraged, challenged, and inspired. I’m honored to feature her here today and I hope you enjoy.

Have you ever been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing?

I have, on more than one occasion actually, but one particular time sticks out in my mind. I was caught telling a lie to a person I loved, and when the truth was uncovered, the person I lied to was really, really angry.

On the one hand, I understood why this person was so mad. I had lied, after all, betrayed the trust we had built together. I would have been mad too, if I’m being honest. But at the same time I was frustrated with what seemed to me like righteous indignation. Was this person perfect? Had he/she never done something regretful? Was it so impossible to understand where I was coming from? I apologized, but my apology was tangled with justification. Continue reading Caught in the Act

The Biggest Lie I Believe About God

Here’s what I know:

My past does not determine my future. In the economy of God, what I have done does not determine what I will do. Under Jesus Christ, my past holds no power and my future is filled with freedom.

That is what I know. But, what I know and what I believe are two very different things.

I’ve been known to be really good at dishing out advice to others, only to turn around and question whether the same thing holds true for myself.

I can tell a friend all day long, “God is good. He loves you. He is for you.” And I mean it. And I believe it. I could sell that line all day long.

But, as soon as my own difficulty comes, I immediately assume that those same truths don’t apply to me. Intellectually, I know they are true, but emotionally I doubt. Basically, I throw rationale out the window. Oh, and reason, and truth, and wisdom…blah, blah, blah… Continue reading The Biggest Lie I Believe About God

My One Word for the Year

So, you may know that I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I find them to be a big fat waste of time–like watching 15 straight hours of Top Chef over the holiday season, which I did not do, by the way (or did I?).

Resolutions are just our way of saying, “Here’s where I sucked last year, so let me make a list so I can suck again this year.” No thank you. I’m set.

Sure, I make goals, but only because my uber-driven, easily organized, and eternally enthusiastic husband makes me. He forces me to get all reflective (which I hate), and introspective (which I hate even more) about the past year. It kills me…in a good way, but still.

One thing I do practice every single January, however, is choosing one word for the year. Now, it seems that the whole “choose one word,” thing has become annoyingly popular, *ahem* I mean, trendy, which like any good reject makes me want to stop doing it altogether. But, I’m holding fast to knowing that I started choosing a word for the year, years ago, so I count myself a trend setter–not a follower.

(Now, that I’ve got that out of the way). Follow me? he he…

Yes. You should follow me in this whole choose one word idea because, well, it’s really cool (and kinda not-so-cool, but I’ll get to that part). Here’s why…

Because I don’t actually pick the word. God does. Continue reading My One Word for the Year

When Evil Wins…

I wanted to have the words…the right words. Words to comfort and give revelation, power and healing.

But they didn’t come.

I wanted to write about suffering and God’s purpose, about evil and overcoming.

But, I didn’t and…I can’t.

I wanted something I read somewhere else to comfort me and encourage me, to remind me of God’s goodness and His sovereignty.

But, I never did. I read words–beautiful words–that offered hope, but did not ease the pain.

I wanted to do something, anything, besides cry and pray, and cry some more.

But, I couldn’t.

But this is what I know…

That even when I can’t feel it, Jesus Christ is still good….

And even when I can’t see it, Jesus Christ is still King.

And I know this, that evil exists–and not in some abstract, untouchable, unknowable way. It exists now. Evil lives and breathes and destroys.

And it kills.

It kills dreams, and futures, marriages, and tomorrows, somedays, and families, innocence, and God’s promises.

Evil, on that day, thwarted God’s plans. Evil won.

But, I know this too…

It’s not over. The story is still being told and still being written.

God has not been subtracted from its telling. No.

He is thick and in the midst of it. He is the one doing the writing from here on out.

And if we allow Him, and we pray His power and purpose into being, and we allow Jesus to gather us up like a hen and her chicks, and we don’t forget the pain and the horror, and we surround ourselves in His beauty, then maybe…

Just maybe…

The story we will tell our children will have a different ending, where death and destruction is not the finale.

Where hope sprang forth and suffering had it’s terrible and glorious way in us. Not wasted. Not in vain. And not without making someone, anyone, more like the shining Son.

And I know this…

Beyond anything else, as sure as anything I have ever believed…

On that day, and beyond…

Jesus wept.

Quitting Church

None of us are perfect. Not one.

None of us are Christ and few of us are Christ-like. We fail each other. We sin against one another. We forget that we are meant to be a family and not merely a social club or association where we pay our annual dues.

But a real family, defined by its beauty and imperfections–its messiness and its glory.

Yet, families fail us because people fail us. The church fails us, not because it is broken, but because we are broken. Individually, we are broken pieces, often consumed by our dysfunction and our past, our pain and our shame.

Yet, in God’s family we are called chosen, redeemed, perfected, renewed, restored. We are not a soon-to-be or maybe-someday people of God. We are the people of God now. Today. Yesterday and Tomorrow.

The church in all its intended glory and rightful glory–it’s present glory and the glory that is to be revealed–is the body of Jesus Christ. And yet, it is still comprised of people–people like me, who fail, who sin, who forget that we are members of the family of the Most High God. Adopted. Once orphaned, but now named.

And so are they… Continue reading Quitting Church