Me Archives - Page 6 of 9

Blogging is for Losers

While having a couple I had never met before, over to our home for dinner the other night, I was somehow secretly hoping that no one would ask me the inevitable question “So, Nicole what do you do?”

To which I usually respond, “Oh me? I fold laundry, wipe butts, cook nutritious meals, all while wearing a big, fat, slap-happy, smile on my face.” The problem, this time ( and most times lately) is that my dear, sweet, proud husband wants to brag on me. What I would be perfectly content letting slip by unsaid, he prefers to exclaim from the rooftops, which usually goes something like this:

“Nicole is a rockstar! She is a blogger. Has an awesome blog called Modern Reject! She speaks too. She was even on the radio!” (and yes, all of those exclamation points are completely apro po)

And while I love, adore, get warm fuzzies knowing my hubster is my biggest fan, on this particular occasion, I wanted to crawl under the table and die in a pile. And it got me thinking why, or rather, what the what? Why do I feel embarrassed and flustered when this whole double life of mine is brought up?

Because blogging is for losers. Or at least that’s what I used to think. Continue reading Blogging is for Losers

These Days…

Let me start this post, by stating emphatically that I love my life, like love it. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love my God. I even love the towering piles of laundry that never seem to completely vanish and the dust that seems to settle on every surface of my house after only one day.

I love the curves that my hips have formed from carrying not one, not two, but three children in my belly. I love knowing that I might never look the same, that the stretch marks on my body exist to prove my love for those children. I even love the way my fatigue from a newborn has made blogging seem less important, less notable, because well, it is.

But still.

Sometimes these days, only sometimes, I dream of being away. Somewhere, anywhere, that is free. Free from incessant, often piercing toddler tantrums. Free from middle-of-the-night baby cries that pull me from a deep sleep only to leave me laying awake in a warm bed, remembering what real sleep once felt like.

I dream of being free.

Free from insurmountable amounts of housework, that not even a pioneer woman could deplete. Free from the wildly surging hormones that rush through my body, desperate to make me cry and laugh at the same exact time. Free from the pressure I place upon myself to write, to be creative, to do it again and again.

Yet, I know, that deep down, leaving these things behind wouldn’t actually make me free. And it’s not so much that I want to leave them, as much as I want to be alone. Continue reading These Days…

Don’t Make Resolutions. Do This Instead…

I don’t like resolutions. In fact, I can remember as a child listening to the adults discussing their various New Years resolutions–things like losing weight, finding a spouse, wearing less spandex–and thinking that it sounded like a complete waste of time.

I mean, why make a list of improbable, if not impossible, goals only to be left flattened and disappointed when the next 365 days rolls around? What’s the point?

Now, as you can tell I’m not much of a goal setter, but don’t hold that against me. Despite my adverse reaction to setting goals (which I’m working on, by the way) I do happen to engage in a rather cool and challenging New Year practice. Instead of making resolutions, I choose a word. One word for the whole year.

That word becomes my motivation, convicting reminder, constant companion, and sometimes my bane. But nevertheless, it is my word for the year. And I’d challenge you to do the same this year. So, what’s my word for 2012? Well, I’m glad you asked… Continue reading Don’t Make Resolutions. Do This Instead…

The Modern Reject Speaks

Recently, I had the privilege of speaking at Pepperdine University, where I was asked to share my testimony and speak about pursuing Christ with excellence.

I thought I’d share the video for those of you who may be interested. And as an aside, I’m always open for any constructive criticism or feedback. Just don’t break my heart, okay?

10/12/11 – Chapel with Nicole Cotrell from Pepperdine University Chapel on Vimeo.

What Does God Think of You?

Some days I wake up feeling sorry for myself, but I shouldn’t…

…because Christ is never sorry for me. He never sighs and shakes His head and thinks, “Man, saving Nicole…what a waste.”

No. He sees me and thinks, “There she is, my beloved. My daughter. How I love her.”

And I don’t know about you, but it can be so easy for me to forget who I am, to wallow in self-pity, to revel in my mediocrity…

But, if I really know who I am, who He says I am, well, that kind of thinking should be impossible. If I stopped to ask myself, “What does God really think of me?” I might be surprised by the answer.

God says I am (and you are)… Continue reading What Does God Think of You?

I’m a Bad Friend…

I’m sure my husband is sick of it. And heck, you might be sick of it, too. And I’m sorry if this theme has become redundant, but this is where I’m at right now. This is what I’m walking through.

You see, I’m a bad friend. For all my complaining and pity-party throwing, it turns out that I’m not all I’m cracked up to be. I mean, sure, I might appear to be a super cool friendly type, but really, I could improve.

I’m a bad friend for lots of reasons… Continue reading I’m a Bad Friend…

Happy Thanksgiving!

Everyone, I hope you have a wonderful and very Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy your families and long weekend. Rest. Eat. And most of all, be thankful.

I, for one, will be doing all of the above. Expect my return next Monday, after the long holiday. And please know: I’m thankful for you, my loyal readers.

Go On, Ask Me Anything…

Since I started writing here on Modern Reject, I’ve had the great privilege of answering many of your questions. Granted, I’m not always sure of the answers. Many times I don’t know exactly what to say, but still you ask…and still I’m honored to respond.

So today, you get to ask me all of your burning questions. You can ask anything. That’s right anything (well, don’t get creepy or turn into that guy).

Do you have blogging questions? Want to know something personal about me? Wondering why I write about this and not that or where I stand on a theological point? Do you have a question about marriage, sex, or dating? I’m all ears. Just ask!

My promise it too that if you ask the question in the comments, I will answer you. Cross my heart. But here’s the catch: you have to answer the question too. So go for it because, I can’t wait to read your questions…

Continue reading Go On, Ask Me Anything…

To My Daughter on Her 5th Birthday

Riley Grace, where do I start? Your birth five years ago marked my life. As my first born, you represent my introduction to motherhood–with all of its tears and confusion. You also represent the beginning of my life as a mom, something I will forever claim.

You, sweet daughter, are the life of the party–any party. And if there isn’t a party, you are determined to either find one or start one. You love people, more than perhaps anyone I know. Even as a baby, you would scan the room for other kids and then yell out in a sweet 9-month-old-voice, “Hi! Hi!”

Riley, you love life and you love being alive. Everyday is wonderful in your eyes and that makes my days more wonderful too.

You also love God, with your whole heart. Before you could even articulate your faith you could say “Jesus” and it seemed that even then you understood who you were speaking of.

God seems real to you in a way that I find both inspiring and intimidating. Continue reading To My Daughter on Her 5th Birthday

Confession: I Didn't Wait til Marriage…

“I’m participating in a blog series hosted by Ally Spotts called Confessions of a 20-Something Christian, where 20-Somethings get honest about their lives, loves and regrets. My confession is…

I had sex long before marriage. And here’s why…

Unfortunately, one of the defining characteristics of Christians (as defined by other Christians, of course) is that we remain virgins until marriage.

Heck, that alone explains why so many Christians get married young–they can’t wait to have sex. But then there’s me.

I didn’t wait until marriage because no one told me not to. Sounds a bit over-simplified, I know, but it’s the truth. I did not grow up hearing “Don’t have sex.” I was told about the mechanics of sex at any early age and then told to use protection when I was older.

The saddest part, is that I never actually wanted to have sex. I didn’t become a Christian until I was almost 17 and by then I’d already lost my virginity.

All along the way though, I never felt right about sex. I always had a feeling that what I was doing something wrong, dirty, or shameful. I went along with it because, well, it’s what all the cool kids were doing…

No, that’s a lie. It’s not what all the cool kids were doing. I had sex because I was looking for something… Continue reading Confession: I Didn't Wait til Marriage…