from the archives
Last week, I shared a few ideas on how wives can love their husbands better. Well today, it’s the gentleman’s turn. That’s right fellas.
I know you husbands and even soon-to-be-husbands love your wives, but there are always ways in which we can show even greater love to our spouse.
Some of the things on this list are even things my husband does for me to show me just how much he cares. And I gotta say, I’ve got a great husband. So take heed.
Here are 20 ways to love your wife better…
1. Pray for her day each morning. My husband does this almost every day and it makes me feel so loved.
2. Get to know her friends. Friendships are so important to women and we feel loved knowing that our husbands like, enjoy, and appreciate the female friends in our life.
3. Brag about her…in public. My husband brags on me, almost to an embarrassing degree, but at the same time I love it.
4. Constantly prioritize your marriage. My husband communicates to me regularly that our marriage is his number one ministry. He then shows me by his actions.
5. Always be willing to be the first to apologize and seek forgiveness. This is one way in which a man can lead in humility, but simultaneously show love.
6. Make her feel secure. Not all women, but most women, crave security. Find out what makes your wife feel secure and follow through.
7. Try to discuss any big changes or important decisions with your wife. She will feel respected and be grateful.
8. Relieve her occasionally. If she is a stay home mom, take the kids some random afternoon. If she makes dinner, take over that duty for a week. If she usually runs errands on Saturday volunteer to take her list.
9. Be a good listener. Most women like to talk. It’s how we process our emotions. Listening will bless her tremendously.
10. Don’t always try to fix her problem. Sometimes, just as #9 says, listening is enough.
11. Don’t ever stop giving her flowers.
12. Regularly check in with her and ask how you are doing as a husband. When she answers, listen humbly and respond appropriately.
13. Tell her she is beautiful. A lot.
14. Tell her you love her every. single. day. without. fail.
15. Surprise her with something that she would never do for herself–a spa day, a fancy night out, a weekend getaway, a day to shop.
16. Begin every important or potentially difficult discussion with prayer. It displays leadership and helps ensure that your conversation will not turn into an unwanted argument.
17. Don’t forget about foreplay. For some women doing the dishes, taking out the trash, or bathing the kids qualifies as foreplay.
18. Encourage her dreams. Dream with her and help her achieve those dreams.
19. Ask her what her sexual needs are. She really does have them.
20. Give her a list of reasons as to why you are so glad you married her.
1. No strings attached back rubs (if you know what I mean) goes a long way.
2. If it ever comes down to her or your mom, pick her first and ask questions later. :)
3. Demand.. enforce… fight that your kids respect her. This is non negotiable in my house. You disrespect my wife, you cross me and all bets are off. I don’t even care what the details are. Its non-negotiable. No voice raising, name calling or eye rolling. We all respect mom and love her.
Besides Jesus, I want my kids to know my wife is the unquestioned most important relationship in my life.
Sammy, I love, adore, your additions!
#1 takes place in our house almost daily.
#2 makes me laugh out loud because it is so true
#3 You sound just like my husband. If my kids say something unkind to me he says, “You don’t talk to my wife like that.” He too, has a no tolerance policy and it makes me feel so loved.
You wife is a blessed woman, my friend. No doubt about it!
#10 is a big one. All guys were born Mr. Fix-its and if you come to us with a problem Mr. Fix-it is our default. It took me a long time to learn that my wife wasn’t looking for a solution, she just wanted me to listen and understand.
Love notes are huge as well. Leave her love notes where she can find them throughout the day or better yet, buy a blank journal, write in it and put it under her pillow. I did that 15 years ago on Valentines Day. Since then we’ve traded it back and forth on V-Day, Annivs, Mother’s/Father’s Days etc… and ‘just because’ days. It’s fun to go back and read from time to time and one day when we’re gone our kids will have a pretty cool keepsake.
I love this list!!! Makes me realize how awesome my husband is. :)
#10 is such a great one. Having a man to just “be there” and listen can be infinitely more comforting than having a man run around trying to fix all my problems.
I would add something about physical touch, but maybe that’s just because it’s my love language. :) Remembering to hold hands with her occasionally, put your hand on her back when you’re walking with her, or some PDA – this is the fun part of dating and it needs to be part of marriage too!
Sometimes I think we tell men there is “sexual touch” and “non-sexual touch” and as a result the “in-between” gets left out, and it’s really important. IE: Touch that says “I want you” or “you’re sexy” without actually trying to get her pants off right this second.
– lauren xoxo
Such a great point, Lauren! I think some women forget to do this for their men, too.
Yes on this last paragraph, Lauren!!
I love this list and I’m sending it to my husband! :)
It is absolutely critical for a husband to discover his wife’s love language. Otherwise, he can go to great effort and expense to show her love, but the message might not even be acknowledged if the means does not show up on her radar.
So, man, talk with your wife to find out if her love language is:
(1) physical touch (you lucky dog, you!)
(2) words of affirmation (talk is cheap–see #3)
(3) gifts (hopefully not too much expensive jewelry)
(4) quality time (which also requires some quantity)
(5) acts of service (no, your regular job doesn’t really count here–it’s gotta be stuff at home that she sees)
Once you know what she really needs and wants, then make a plan and get ‘er done!
I agree 100% to this! I am a physical touch love person and it makes me smile from ear to ear when my boyfriend just grabs my hand to walk a few feet from the car to the ice cream place, for instance. Those little physical cues make the WORLD of difference because that is my love language. :)
We’ve been married for 44 years and there’s one question she still loves me to ask, “What do you need from me right now?” It tells her that I’m available for whatever she needs, from keeping my mouth shut and just listening, to giving her a hug.
This is a nice reminder and a list to share with spouses. I think both spouses could learn a lot reading the list for the husband and the wife.
I must say, this is some good stuff. Thank you Lisa Marchand for sharing and I am listening. The next step is “Doing” because action definitely speaks louder than words.
To echo what Sammy said, and what Jonathan does, “Don’t speak to my wife like that.” goes a long way.
Insightful list, Nicole. I know it’s from the archives, but it still holds up today. I personally struggle with #9, and I admit this. I would also venture to say that many men do likewise. It’s not that we aren’t good listeners, it’s that we aren’t good talkers. Like you said, women process differently than we do, and when I would simply write something off and move on, my bride wants to elaborate on it. *sigh* Yet another glimpse into the sense of humor our Father has, in putting men with women for marriage covenant. She’s the talker, and we’re the…non-talkers. Ha!
Love these, Nicole. Any time I talk to someone about getting married or what they can do to improve their marriage, I look at the man and tell him to stop trying to fix her. She’s not broken. She just needs you to listen.
When I first got married eight years ago, learning to just listen and not to fix was a steep learning curve. It is in our DNA to rescue the damsel. There’s a problem? Slay the dragon!