Surrendering Your Desire for a Spouse

No, it’s not Wednesday, but today we are gonna talk about dating, marriage, and letting go. Today’s guest post is from the talented and insightful Darrell Vesterfelt. Darrell has appeared on Modern Reject before and I am so glad to have him back once again. Check out his blog This is Me Thinking, where he writes about blogging, the creative process, and its relationship to the church.

Being a single Christian might be one of the most confusing things I have ever had to do. There are so many voices speaking on the subject, telling me to ask more girls on dates or just wait until God shows me “The One.” In the midst of all the opinions I have a hard time figuring out which one is right.

The funny thing is a good portion of the opinions come from other single people. None of us have any idea what we’re doing.

One thing I have learned in the midst of this process in my own life is that I must surrender my desire for a wife to the Lord. But what does this even mean?

What does it mean to surrender my desire for a wife?

  • Does it mean I pretend I don’t have a desire for a future wife?
  • Does it mean I stop talking to girls?
  • Does it mean I date Jesus?

I don’t think it means any of those things. Continue reading Surrendering Your Desire for a Spouse

Should Christians Date without Purpose?

Dating, it seems, has somewhat of a bad rap in the Christian world. I’ve heard people say things like “dating is a waste of time” or “God will bring me the right person at the right time.” I’ve also heard people say that dating is harmful, dangerous even and always leads to sexual sin and immorality.

I have to admit that I find all of this talk confusing. Just because dating as we know it isn’t explicitly outlined in scripture doesn’t mean it’s wrong, does it?

I know some people object to this idea, but I confess that I see dating as a necessary and even healthy process. Dare I say it, I even think it’s okay to date someone while knowing good and well that you are not going to marry them. Sound scandalous?

The real question is, should Christians date without purpose? Well, here’s my own personal story… Continue reading Should Christians Date without Purpose?

Is It Okay To Be Christian, Single… and Sexy?

This guest post by Antwuan Malone is asking the question: Can you be Christian, single and sexy? Likewise, I tackle this “sexy” question over at his blog. Head  on over to read my perspective, as well.

I wonder how Jesus feels about the way we dress today? Back in the day, Jesus probably rocked some sandals. What would he wear today? Jeans and a Tee? Khakis and a polo? A suit? Leather pants?

Would Jesus go swimming? And if so, would he finish P90x first, or do some pushups to, you know, make sure his pecs had a little “pop?”

Did Jesus ever have a crush? Ever care about being attractive, about being sexy?

I know. We can’t answer those questions. And frankly, it feels a wee unfair to even ask. Scripture doesn’t show Jesus concerned with girlfriends or attracting women, ever. I guess a wife and kid wasn’t in the plans for him (and for good reason).

But if that’s the case, what can Jesus teach us about attracting the opposite sex? How would Jesus respond to the question of whether it’s okay for single Christians to be sexy? Continue reading Is It Okay To Be Christian, Single… and Sexy?

3 Things I Wish I Had Known About Men

Welcome to Wednesday–a day devoted to discussing two of my favorite people: men and women.

I think I know men pretty well (Do I sound like I’m bragging…’cause I am). Women tend to think men are much more complex than they actually are.

Women, on the other hand, tend to be a bit more complicated…or at least we like to pretend we are.

Looking back to when I was younger, however, I wonder how much of a grasp I really had on the opposite sex. I’ve learned a lot since high school and college. Most of those lessons have come the hard way.

What I know about men now, I wish I had known sooner. Here’s 3 things I wish I had known about men, back then… Continue reading 3 Things I Wish I Had Known About Men

Boys Will be Girls

Today is Wednesday and that means it’s He Said/She Said again, the day I talk exclusively about men and women.

My husband introduced me to this video and I had to laugh because a lot of it rings true. Plus, women making fun of men and men making fun of women is always funny. I’d love to hear your reaction.

So after watching the video, what do you think? (I’ll be sharing my thoughts in the comments).

Who nailed the other sex? Are the “men” more spot on or the “women”? Are you guilty of any of the behavior displayed? What annoys you MOST about the opposite sex?

The Single Christian Woman: Blessed or Doomed?

I did not grow up in the Church. I mean, I went to church occasionally, but I was not surrounded by a community of believers. I was, therefore, not exposed to the Christian phenomena of the “Proverbs 31 woman” until much later.

It seems that, for many young Christian women, the ideal placed before them is a woman who looks like this: She is Godly, yes, but perhaps more importantly she is married, with 3.4 children, stays home to tend to the needs of her family, and bakes loaves of bread and apple pies for kicks.

This is a nice picture–a lovely one, in fact–but is this God’s only picture of a Jesus-loving woman? Can a Christian woman be seen as Godly without having children or without <gasp!> being married? Is the single Christian woman blessed or doomed? Continue reading The Single Christian Woman: Blessed or Doomed?

The Lost Art of Flirting

Everyone flirts or at least they should. Married or single? Doesn’t matter. Some people are better at it than others, sure. I’ll admit, too, that some people have no idea that their glance, eye contact, or smile could even be constituted as flirting,  but it is flirting nonetheless.

The truth is, in today’s culture of hopping in bed, STDs, and one-night stands, flirting is a lost art form. More than that, many Christian women I know are downright scared to flirt, for fear of being seen as a harlot (or floozy, or tramp, or insert description of a loose woman here: _______). And men simply don’t know how.

Flirting is needed, however. Flirting is all part of the game, whether single or not. It’s time to re-learn how to flirt. It’s time to restore the lost art of flirting… Continue reading The Lost Art of Flirting

Christians and Internet Dating

“1000s of Pictures of Beautiful Single Christians,” that’s what one Christian dating website advertises. I don’t know about you, but that description kind of gives me the heebie jeebies.

How about this one: “All Single. Only Christian. Amazing Selection: Come & See.” It reminds me of an advertisement for some seedy massage parlor.

Christians and internet dating services are on the rise. More and more believers are choosing to sign up, fill out a profile, and upload a pic, in the hopes of finding their one true love.

I wonder though:  Is Jesus in the internet dating business, guaranteeing some a happily ever after, or is Christian internet dating a way of circumventing God’s will and taking matters into your own hands? Continue reading Christians and Internet Dating

Can Men and Women Really Be Friends?

(from the archives) It’s Wednesday again and that means it’s also He Said/She Said time.

It’s an age old question (sorta). Men, women, and friendship. Is it legit? I don’t know if I have known of many genuine friendships between men and women. It seems like it is much more of a novel and progressive idea than it is a practical possibility.

I’m suspicious. And I’m curious. Can men and women really be friends? Continue reading Can Men and Women Really Be Friends?

Date for Jesus?

It’s Wednesday and that must mean it is time for another installment of He Said/She Said. Today, I am talking about a well-known  phenomena in the Christian dating world.

For some it is taboo. For others it is no big deal. We all have our own opinion about the subject.

You know the couple: one person is a believer, the other is not. One attends church, the other not so much. Dating ensues and some eyebrows are raised. Okay, so let’s get to it–missionary dating. You know you wanna talk about it.

Continue reading Date for Jesus?