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My Last and Final Post

I’m not even sure how to write this post. I don’t know where to begin or where to end, so forgive me if I ramble. Or cry. Or blubber all over the page.

This is my last Modern Reject post after all.

So where do I start?

This last year of blogging has left me wanting. I found myself less and less dedicated to this blog, less and less motivated, and less willing to write the kind of posts I had become known for writing. I didn’t want to drum up controversy, or rock the boat, or stir the pot anymore.

I didn’t want to write divisive posts or respond to angered commenters. I didn’t want to defend my faith or hell, my theology for that matter. I didn’t want to “make my case” or “prove my point” or “defend my position.”

Basically, I didn’t want to be the Modern Reject anymore and for good reason. Read More

4

Top 10 Modern Reject Posts of 2013

Oh man, I am just eeking in this sucker. Whew. I have to admit, I didn’t write much this year, but what I did write, I loved. I think 2013 proved to personally be some of my favorite posts.

So here’s a run down of the most-read Modern Reject posts of 2013. It’s always surprising to see what was most popular and wasn’t so much.

You know, who was the star quarterback and his girlfriend and who was the band geek and drama nerd (all of whom I love and adore).

Here’s the 10 posts you guys loved best: Read More

33

Why Church is Hard…

{From the archives} As Easter came and went this year, I realized in my post-candy-”He is Risen”-haze that I didn’t really feel connected to Jesus this Easter.

I can remember Easter’s past, when just hearing the name “Jesus” would cause my eyes to swell with tears and my throat to tighten. This was not that year. In fact, I felt little of nothing and that made me feel, well, a little guilty.

And as I was lying in bed on Sunday night, I tried to talk to God and understand just where I went wrong this Easter. I concluded, based upon His silence, that while I wanted to say that He just doesn’t care about the things that I care about–the truth is, I haven’t been caring about the things He cares about.

To add insult to injury, I have begun to question things that I have never questioned. I have begun to wrestle with things I have always assumed I would never need to wrestle against. And I’m scared.

I realized however, that I wasn’t the only one left feeling empty and disconnected this Easter. Except that this was new to me. I’ve never had an Easter like this, but I shouldn’t be surprised because…

…Church is hard.

Church isn’t easy. Being the church isn’t easy (and to quote Coldplay, no one said it’d be this hard).

But there is one glaringly obvious reason as to why church is hard. It explains all the heartache, disappointment, loneliness, isolation, disillusionment, and even anger that so many of us in the church experience… Read More

68

My View on Women’s Roles

I had no intention of writing this. It never crossed my mind. Then Sarah’s book hit the blogosphere, and then Ally wrote a post, and my friends linked to this post on Facebook, and I read through Rachel’s old posts.

To be honest, part of the reason I have pretty much avoided writing about this subject is because I have very little desire to debate others about the role of women in the church. Not because I think I’m right or I’ve landed on some eternal truth, but because I often find discussions such as these to be rather fruitless and distracting. Fruitless in that they do not advance the Kingdom and distracting in that they take our eyes, however briefly, off of Jesus Christ as our Head.

However, I’ve had people email me over my three years of blogging with greetings that begin with “As a fellow complementarian…” Or “As another like-minded egalitarian…” These emails make me laugh because never once have I ever referred to myself as either of these titles, nor would I ever.

But, what happens when you have a blog is that people assume they know you. They assume they’ve got you all figured out. If you write about your marriage a few times, they wrongly believe they have been given a full and clear look into its intricacies and intimacies. One post about my sex life a night in my bedroom does not make. Sorry.

My Own Marriage

So what does my marriage look like? Perhaps that’s a good place to start. Read More

38

I Want a Break From God

My high school senior English teacher was pretty much Elaine from Seinfeld. I loved her. We all loved her. During one of her famous passionate lectures, she once commented about how nice it must be to be a stupid person. She explained that there must be something quite freeing about being able to shut off your brain and quit thinking about something–to essentially think about nothing.

Because intelligent people, she argued, were always thinking. In fact, they never stopped thinking…and it was exhausting. She envied the dumb.

This resonated with me (not that I consider myself brilliant by any means)–the fact that I cannot stop myself from thinking. I read this the other day and smiled because it is me: “I’ve been overthinking about overthinking again.”

You’d think that thinking would prove more fruitful, but no. Instead, I wonder how I get here again and again. It seems so futile–the race and the running, when despite my best effort I find myself doing just that.

And that is part of the problem, my effort. I hate striving. I hate watching “Christians” strive for Jesus. Wondering what we can do for God instead of being with God. Working instead of abiding. Trying instead of receiving.

So when it’s my turn, I feel like a failure and a liar. A fraud. Read More