One Great Marriage Trick

Marriage is full of compromise. Or at least, it should be. And if anything has taught me how to phrase, re-phrase, pause, evaluate, and listen before speaking, it’s marriage.

It might be easy to assume that I speak to my husband in much the same way that I write on this blog–with passion, spunk, a bit of edge, and a whole lot of Truth. While I’d like to say that’s the case, it isn’t always. Sure, my husband gets large doses of my sass (which he likes by the way),  and Truth (which he always receives with humility). Yet, when it comes to bringing up an uncomfortable subject, I have learned that nothing helps your man feel more like a man, than a whole lot of respect.

Of course, I didn’t always know this. I mean, I knew it intellectually. “Husbands need respect. Yadda, yadda, yadda,” but that doesn’t mean I felt convicted about this Biblical command to wives. But after putting my foot in my mouth too many times to count, I learned a very simple trick for bringing up something unpleasant to my husband without making him feel threatened or defensive.

I call it the “One for the Money” trick and it’s a good one… Continue reading One Great Marriage Trick

Your Husband is NOT a Pervert: Part 1

Your Husband is Not a Pervert

from the archives

It goes without saying that men are visual creatures. We know that “sex sells,” and one of the main reasons for that is because men are visual. It is not women who are usually buying sex, so to speak.

But if a woman could spend a day inside a man’s mind, would she be disgusted and horrified to find out just how much he actually thinks of sex? Would a wife, for instance, end up thinking her husband is a pervert? Probably. That’s how much the male mind focuses on sex.

The truth is, though: your husband is NOT a pervert. He is a man and, like every other man, his sexuality is quite simple to understand. Continue reading Your Husband is NOT a Pervert: Part 1

Should Wives Be Hot?

Today, I’m over at one of my favorite blogger spots, the home of Sammy Adebiyi. If you have yet to check out Sammy’s blog, let me tell you, you are missing out.

I’m making a guest appearance on his blog today discussing the topic of whether or not women should attempt to look hot for their husbands.

Here’s a sneak peek:

“…it seems that a whole collection of women have come to believe that marriage is an opportunity to give up and just quit trying. How do I know this? Because I have seen them. I have seen these wives, strolling through Target, pushing a cart at the grocery store, out to lunch with friends.

They are women, who from afar, may appear to be zombies of some sort–disheveled, hair in a scrunchie (I mean, a scrunchie, really? It isn’t 1992), sweat pants blowing in the wind. But upon closer inspection, one realizes that these are not flesh eating creatures, so much as women who have fallen into a rut.”

To read more, please join me over at Sammy’s blog and show some comment love. I hope to see you there.

Should Adultery End a Marriage?

Should Adultey End a Marriage?

from the archives

In the last month or so, my husband and I have heard about two marriages we know ending. I don’t know all of the circumstances and I don’t want to, either. I do know, however, that one marriage suffered from an adulterous relationship. The thought of my husband having any kind of affair makes me sick to my stomach. Absolutely sick. For married people, the idea of your spouse committing adultery is a nightmare and something we avoid even thinking about.

A sexual affair violates the covenant of marriage. It is sharing your most personal and intimate self with another, who is not your spouse. It breaks trust, forces people to choose sides, causes great emotional and physical stress, can lead to depression, and in many cases, divorce.

But is adultery an automatic reason to divorce? Can a marriage can survive an affair and, more than that, should it? Continue reading Should Adultery End a Marriage?

How My Husband Leads…

Besides people writing me to ask about sex in marriage, the other topic people very often write me about is my own marriage. I have had many young people (and some older) express to me gratitude and thanks for writing so candidly about my marriage.

They have told me how reading about my marriage has encouraged them to believe in marriage for themselves and to not give up hope in thinking that God really can bring them an ideal spouse.

Along those lines, however, I often have young women ask me about the whole submission thing. They feel threatened, nervous, and defensive when it comes to discussing the topic. They seem unsure as to how they could possibly submit to a man and allow him to serve as the leader of their home.

Of course, these are two different subject and I am not going to attempt to address either of them today. Sorry. For today’s intents and purposes, I’m simply going to state that in my home, my husband is the head (if today’s comments prove titillating, I may write a separate post asking should husbands lead).

And to those women who question the thought of a man leading their home, I submit to you my very own husband. My husband leads and he leads well. His leading blesses me and our marriage as a whole. Here’s how he does it… Continue reading How My Husband Leads…

How I Met My Husband

Happy Wednesday, which also means happy He Said/She Said day. Today is the day we diverge from our usual broadcasting to talk about men and women.

In my time writing here on Modern Reject, one thing that people thank me for more than almost anything else is for talking so openly about my marriage. And more than that, people always thank me for painting a picture of a healthy, fun, rockin’, Christ-centered marriage.

I mean, occasionally I have someone tell me to quit bragging and sounding so prideful because, hey, not every marriage is awesome and I’m just pouring salt on others’ wounds. For this, I apologize, if this is the case. I never want to sound prideful, but truth be told, I am proud of my marriage.

I chose wisely and God hooked me up with an amazing man. Today, I thought I’d share the story of how I actually met my husband. Now, I know some might not be interested, but I also know that others will. I’m sharing this because I love to hear people’s love stories. They inspire me, encourage me, and bring a smile to my face.

I hope the story of how I met my husband does the same. I hope it inspires people to look for love and seek marriage. Why? Because a good–heck–amazing marriage is possible. Jonathan and I are proof.

Here’s our story…

Continue reading How I Met My Husband

20 Ways to Love Your Husband Better

If you’ve been around here before, you probably know that I love, like luuuurve, my husband. Thing is, this shouldn’t be revelatory news. I mean, us wives should love our husbands.

But stuff happens. Life happens. Kids happen. Exhaustion happens. And before we know it, many of those lovey-dovey feelings fade into the background.

We become more like roommates than spouses. More like buddies than lovers. More like co-parents than two people crazy in love.

So what’s a wife to do? Well, for starters she can figure out ways to love her husband better because doing so can actually produce more of those loving feelings. Not to mention, we should always be committed to loving and serving our spouses more intently and passionately.

With that being said, here are 20 ways to love your husband better: Continue reading 20 Ways to Love Your Husband Better

The Best “No” I Ever Got

“No” is one of the first words kids learn. They can’t communicate fully. They can’t state their opinions or desires yet, but you can sure bet they know how to let out a resounding “No!” when necessary.

Of course, as adults, we don’t like hearing “no.” I personally, would much rather have my life filled with “yeses.” Yes, you can Nicole. Sure, Nicole. But as anyone who has followed the Lord for any period of time can tell you, God is not a yes-man.

He’s very often a wait-and-see-man. He is also, when needed, a no-man.

{sigh} I know His “no’s” all too well. When you hear them for the first time, they sting, or they hurt, or they make me want to pull away from Him and retreat. But more and more, I am able to look back at the “no’s” God has given me and realize they were the best thing for me.

Sometimes the best “no’s” don’t come directly from God, but rather through another person or circumstance. I have three “no’s” that, looking back, I realize were God’s protection and provision. Yes, they sucked at the time, but time revealed their purpose. Continue reading The Best “No” I Ever Got

Why You Should Get Married

While at a recent family dinner, gathered around a humongous table in an obnoxious dinosaur themed restaurant, I asked the question, “Why get married?”

People get married for all kinds of reasons. Some good, some bad. Some beneficial, some harmful.

The obvious answer to “why get married?” is because you’re in love and stuff. I’m a semi-romantic, if there is such a thing, but, really? Love? I think that’s one of the least appealing reasons to get married.

Here’s why: Marriage is about, at least in the beginning, growing up and living with someone on a day-to-day basis. It’s about getting along with someone and serving them even when you don’t feel like it. It’s about commitment and steadfastness.

Sounds boring and a little painful, huh? Well, maybe on some days. But most days love and the mushy gushy feelings of love, are not going to be what keeps you content, patient, or even together. Love is of course necessary. It is the underlying current but not the sole motivator.

I was wondering, why did I get married? I am not trying to sound like a Tyler Perry movie..I’m just asking. I mean, I loved Jonathan at the time. But I had been in love before and hadn’t gotten married then. I’d even dated someone that I wanted to marry before Jonathan but didn’t marry him.

I realized there were a few reasons I got married. Continue reading Why You Should Get Married

The Thing I Hate Most in Marriage

There is so much to love about marriage. If you frequent this blog, (which I hope you do ’cause I think it’s pretty awesome) you have no doubt read some of the mushy-gushy things my husband and I have to say about one another.

I think marriage is bliss. I think more people should be married and, of course, stay married.

On the flip side of that coin, however, there is something I hate in marriage. This particular action makes me visibly agitated and uncomfortable. I also think this thing is one of the most destructive behaviors within marriage.

So, what am I talking about? Continue reading The Thing I Hate Most in Marriage