Are They “The One”?

So many of us are desperately looking for answers when it comes to dating, relationships, and marriage. One of the biggest decisions we will ever face is in choosing our future spouse. Is he/she the right one? How do we know we aren’t making a gargantuan mistake?  And where’s God in all of this? What does He have to say on the subject?

Turns out, not much. I mean, God doesn’t have as much to say as we would like to think. I know this from personal experience. You see, when I started dating my now husband, an old flame of mine re-entered the picture (it’s like they have “she’s moved on” radar). My ex-boyfriend essentially proposed to me. And what did I do, you ask…

Continue reading Are They “The One”?

Porn, Your Marriage, and Our Lackluster Sex Lives

Today I’m writing over at the Good Women Project on Porn, Your Marriage, and Our Lackluster Sex Lives. Here’s how I begin:

They want you to believe that pornography isn’t harmful, and safe even. They want you to believe that it is somehow vastly different from actual physical adultery. They want you to believe that pornography in no way effects your sex life, except that it enhances it and makes it “sexier.” They want you to believe that porn can actually jump start a dull sex life and bring about renewed sexual desire in a marriage. They want you to believe that a husband or a wife viewing pornography will look at their spouse exactly the same way even after staring at strangers’ naked bodies. They want you to believe because they know good and well that it is all a lie, but the more of it you fall for, the better.

Read the rest…

Does Life Stop After Kids?

I attended a wedding recently. Over dinner, my husband and I sat across from a newlywed couple we know. We started in on the usual chit chat. They asked us about our kids.

During our conversation, I misheard the wife and thought she had said something about having a baby. Her husband quickly and loudly corrected me. “No! No baby! Not anytime soon!”

We all laughed. They then explained some of their “baby hesitation” to us. They had a few couple friends who became pregnant and promised that having a baby would not affect their friendships or lifestyles.

However, once babies were born, their friends slowly disappeared. No more dinners, no movies, no evening hangouts. They vanished and were sucked up in the baby vacuum swirling with car seats, burp cloths, and the dreaded suburban nightmare: the minivan!

They asked us point-blank: “What have you not been able to do since having kids?”

Jonathan, my husband, and I paused for a second and looked at one another. Then we replied in unison… Continue reading Does Life Stop After Kids?

Why You Should Babysit for Your Married Friends

Today’s guest post comes from none other than my blogging buddy, Ally Spotts. Ally is a talented and insightful writer who blogs about faith, relationships, and life. If you’ve yet to visit her blog, you’re missing out. I’m glad to have her back on Modern Reject. Enjoy. (P.S. I’m guest posting for Malisa at her blog today, as well about How I Became a Blogger. Check it out!)

It used to drive me crazy when my married friends would ask me to babysit for them.

A group of people would be going out to do something fun – usually a group of married couples – and they would ask if I wouldnʼt mind staying back with their kids. I would think to myself, “Really? How come Iʼm the one who has to stay home with the kids – just because Iʼm single??”

The thing I started to realize is that Iʼm not the one who has to stay home with the kids, usually. In fact, most nights I get to go wherever I want and do whatever I want.

My friends who are parents are the ones who have to stay home with the kids most of the time. And even when they get to leave the house, itʼs usually to do something they have to do. Even then it costs them a bunch of money.

If youʼre single I would challenge you to re-think the way that you see babysitting for your married friends. I did and what I found was that all kinds of good things come from offering free babysitting for my friends who have kids. Continue reading Why You Should Babysit for Your Married Friends

How to Find a Spouse

Christians place a whole lot of importance on marriage, whether right or wrong. Not only do they elevate marriage, but they also tend to over-analyze and over-spiritualize the process of finding a spouse.

They take spouse-hunting as just that–a sport or game of some kind complete with playbooks, rules, regulations and penalties. Or they treat the process of finding a spouse as a purely spiritual, holy, righteous, and sanctified event–complete with God coming down from heaven and lightning in the sky.

So who’s right? Is finding a spouse as complex as drafting your fantasy football team or just as holy as the transfiguration?

Here are some thoughts on finding a spouse and what God has to say about it: Continue reading How to Find a Spouse

What it’s Like to be Married to my Husband

A while back, my husband Jonathan, wrote a guest post called “What’s it Like to be Married to Me?” in which he described exactly what being married to me, Nicole, is really like.

Back then I had every intention of surprising Jonathan with a post of my own, telling the world what it’s like being married to him, as well. But, I got busy and I forgot. I dropped the ball and he never received the follow-up post he deserves.

This Saturday, however, happens to be our 6 year anniversary. Hooray! And I thought now would be a great time to tell him (and you, of course) what every day of married life with him feels like.

Grab some tissues. This might get mushy. Being married to my husband is like… Continue reading What it’s Like to be Married to my Husband

Married, Christian and Sexy

Today’s post is from Antwuan Malone and is the second part in our “Christian and sexy” series. Last week we discussed singles. Today we are talking about married people. To read my thoughts on whether or not Christians be married and sexy, head over to Antwuan’s blog.

It’s funny hearing married people talk about what’s sexy.

At a marriage conference several years ago, someone performed a skit about how sexy it is to see a man, of all things, vacuuming a floor. Yes, vacuuming the floor. Seriously. I mean, the guy in the skit grabbed that vacuum, and the ladies in the crowd went bananas. You’d think it was Bradley Cooper or Johnny Depp or <insert your fave Hollywood hunk here>.

Vacuuming? Really?

Funny because when those aforementioned hunks of Hollywood show up on screen, they don’t seem to need a vacuum, or a dust mop, or a “kiss the cook” apron for the ladies to swoon. I’m just saying. I could go on about that but there’s a word limit to adhere to and question to answer.

The question: Is it okay to be married, Christian, and sexy? Continue reading Married, Christian and Sexy

15 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life

Happy Wednesday and happy He Said/She Said day. In the past, i have written quite a bit about sex. I guess I’ve got sex on the brain, what can I say. I’ve covered topics like male sexuality and the controversial issue of having sex even when you don’t feel like it.

Today, I thought I’d devote a post to sex yet again. This time I’m sharing ways to improve your sex life. I am, of course, working under the assumption that the two people doing the horizontal mambo are married…’cause that’s how I roll.

Here are 15 ways to improve your sex life: Continue reading 15 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life

What Can God Resurrect?

from the archives

I recently heard the story of a husband and wife who were separated from one another. They have a 4 year old daughter as well. They had been attending marriage counseling with their pastor.

After a number of counseling sessions, the pastor had come to a conclusion which he shared with the couple…

He advised the couple that perhaps their differences really were irreconcilable. Perhaps, he said, they should just split up. Some marriages can’t be salvaged. It would be better for the child if her parents were at least friends who got along than were married and disagreeing.

As I heard this story, anger washed over me. Continue reading What Can God Resurrect?

What's it Like Being Married to Me?

This post idea is stolen…ahem, I mean, borrowed from Bianca Juarez. Besides telling you what I think it must be like being married to me, my husband is also going to give his opinion. That’s right, my husband is going to reveal what it is really like to be married to Nicole Cottrell. We wrote our portions separately, so neither of us knew what the other had to say…until now. I’ll start.

I imagine being married to me must be…

Continue reading What's it Like Being Married to Me?