I feel like I’ve been waiting a lot lately and to be honest, I’m not even sure what I’m waiting for. It just seems that something, anything, besides what’s happening should be happening.
I keep waiting for God to do something miraculous and it’s not like I’m needing a miracle right now. It’s more so that I need less of the mundane, everyday. I need less of me and what I can produce and more of Him and what He is known for.
I want to see something. I guess what I want, if I’m being honest, is a show. I’m sitting here like some ticket holder, parked in my mezzanine seat, waiting for the Jesus Show to begin. I want to see Him do something. I want to believe in something right now.
The last few weeks I haven’t quite been myself. Well, maybe I have been, since I guess you’re almost always yourself. But what I mean is, I’ve been unmotivated, pretty stinkin’ tired, and uninterested in blogging with my usual passion and excitement (you may have noticed).
I’m sure it’s just a phase. I think. I hope anyway.
But, beyond feeling a little out of sorts, my days have been filled with laughing, screaming, impossibly wild, hopelessly wonderful, all-too-lovable children.
Life doesn’t get much better, even when life is sucking a bit.
On my good days, I am happy and smiling. On my bad days, I am grumpy, short-tempered, and irritable.
On my good days, I feel content and at peace, thanking God for the life he has given me and the ways in which He has provided. On my bad days, I am restless, bored, and daydreaming of escaping to a place where I can just be alone.
On my good days, I am confident. On my bad days, I feel incompetent.
On my good days, I trust Him, listen to Him, and am honest with Him. On my bad days, I doubt Him, yell at Him, and am honest with Him.
Happy Wednesday, which also means happy He Said/She Said day. Today is the day we diverge from our usual broadcasting to talk about men and women.
In my time writing here on Modern Reject, one thing that people thank me for more than almost anything else is for talking so openly about my marriage. And more than that, people always thank me for painting a picture of a healthy, fun, rockin’, Christ-centered marriage.
I mean, occasionally I have someone tell me to quit bragging and sounding so prideful because, hey, not every marriage is awesome and I’m just pouring salt on others’ wounds. For this, I apologize, if this is the case. I never want to sound prideful, but truth be told, I am proud of my marriage.
I chose wisely and God hooked me up with an amazing man. Today, I thought I’d share the story of how I actually met my husband. Now, I know some might not be interested, but I also know that others will. I’m sharing this because I love to hear people’s love stories. They inspire me, encourage me, and bring a smile to my face.
I hope the story of how I met my husband does the same. I hope it inspires people to look for love and seek marriage. Why? Because a good–heck–amazing marriage is possible. Jonathan and I are proof.
Thank You Lord that You still listen to me even when I complain and grumble.
Thank You that when I offer You leftovers You offer me grace and compassion.
Thank You that I could never earn Your love, because I know I would fail, but instead You give it so freely.
Thank You that even when I doubt You, You never doubt me.
Thank You that Your love covers a multitude of sins.
Thank You for finding me, and rescuing me, and being with me always.
Thank You that when I lay my burdens before You, I am reminded that Your burden is easy and Your yoke is light.
Thank You that You are a God who allows me to come to you with each piece of broken me, each bit of tarnished girl, and that You never shame me or guilt me for the choices I’ve made.
Thank you for your Son, who I want to be more like, and who You gave to me, for freedom’s sake.
Thank You that You aren’t finished with me, not even close.
Thank You for bringing me gifts of tremendous blessing even though I am so undeserving.
It’s that time again. Time for me to ask all of you how I can be praying for you.
No, I’m not being nosy (well maybe just a tad bit nosy). I really like to know how I can pray for each of you, what God is doing, has done, and is yet to do in your lives.
I commit that for every one who leaves a comment sharing a prayer request, I will pray for your need. I love praying for you. It’s one small way for me to show my appreciation for the many ways you all continually bless me.
And if you would be so kind, I will share my prayer needs, and humbly ask you to pray for me, as well.
Here goes:
I’ve been having some doubt lately. Doubt about God’s goodness towards me. Doubt about His love for me. Doubt about whether or not I can keep going like I’ve been going (sorry for being vague on this one, but there is a post to soon follow).
Also, I tired and not like a little tired. I’m exhausted. I haven’t slept all the way through the night, uninterrupted in about 9 months. Most days I feel like a zombie at best.
So would you please pray for me? Pray for my questions. Pray for my faith and my hope to swell. And pray for rest, real rest, to find me.
Okay, now it’s your turn. How can I pray for YOU? You can be as specific or as vague as you’d like. But please feel comfortable. This is a community…and more than that, we’re family.
“No” is one of the first words kids learn. They can’t communicate fully. They can’t state their opinions or desires yet, but you can sure bet they know how to let out a resounding “No!” when necessary.
Of course, as adults, we don’t like hearing “no.” I personally, would much rather have my life filled with “yeses.” Yes, you can Nicole. Sure, Nicole. But as anyone who has followed the Lord for any period of time can tell you, God is not a yes-man.
He’s very often a wait-and-see-man. He is also, when needed, a no-man.
{sigh} I know His “no’s” all too well. When you hear them for the first time, they sting, or they hurt, or they make me want to pull away from Him and retreat. But more and more, I am able to look back at the “no’s” God has given me and realize they were the best thing for me.
Sometimes the best “no’s” don’t come directly from God, but rather through another person or circumstance. I have three “no’s” that, looking back, I realize were God’s protection and provision. Yes, they sucked at the time, but time revealed their purpose. Continue reading The Best “No” I Ever Got
So, it seems that every few months or so, I fall into a blog funk. These funks don’t usually last for long and before I know it, I’m back to feeling like my old blogging self. Over the weekend, however, I read a blog post by Josh, also known as The Minor Prophet.
He explained how he once followed blogs like mine and Rachel Held Evans, but how now, for some unexplained reason, he no longer cares. He cannot say for sure as to the reason why, but he is no longer interested in Evangelical blogs or even the idea of Evangelical Christianity, for that matter.
I spent the weekend mulling his thoughts over. My feelings weren’t hurt. I didn’t take it personally. The thing is, I kinda get it, because the thing is, I sorta feel the same way.
I have some kind of adverse reaction to all things “womanly,” meaning all things related to women’s ministry. If I take it a step further, I really mean all things Christian and women.
…Things like scrapbooking, play dates, girls night out, quilted Bible covers, any mention of the Proverbs 31 woman, Beth Moore, touchy-feely-ness, emotions, and Christian romance novels. Eek!
Now don’t get me wrong, individually, I have secretly (and even occasionally, publicly) enjoyed many of these things, but that doesn’t change the fact that they also simultaneously make my skin crawl.
For a long time, I used to believe that I was just born a bit of a rebel. I can remember as a child naturally questioning authority. I never just took someone’s word for it.
As I grew older, that tendency to question turned into a bit of skepticism, but not for long. Upon knowing Jesus, I really did let much of my skepticism go. It seemed that the answer to so many of my questions was Him.
However, I remain somewhat of a rogue agent, I suppose. I never like doing what everyone else is doing, but I also get icky feelings about participating in certain things. Women’s Ministry, as it were, is one of them. As for why, I’m still trying to figure that part out.
Perhaps I don’t like being a part of the crowd, just another face, just another number. Much of my experience in women’s ministry has been sort of that–me, alongside dozens, if not hundreds of other women. Perhaps it’s something else though… Continue reading Why I Don’t Like Women’s Ministry…
A couple of weeks ago, I had the privilege of being on The Drew Marshall Show. Drew Marshall, Canada’s largest spiritual radio talk show. Drew has been called the Howard Stern of Christian radio and for good reason.
Drew is fun and funny, outspoken, engaging, and pretty much the coolest. He is known for interviewing some controversial characters, like the president of the Wiccan church, for instnace. But on this particular day, I was honored and humbled to have him interview me.
We talked about a few of my own more controversial posts and I had so much fun doing it. His banter is quick-witted and refreshing. So, in case you’re interested in listening to the segment, just follow the link, which will land you on January 7th. Just scroll down a bit and you’ll see me.You can then listen away…
If you are so inclined too, there are dozens of other (more interesting I’m sure) interviews you can listen to from Christian celebrities, regular celebrities, and more. I lost a good hour doing the same thing.
I feel like I’ve been waiting a lot lately and to be honest, I’m not even sure what I’m waiting for. It just seems that something, anything, besides what’s happening should be happening.
