Ditch Your Dating Checklist

When I was 20 years old, I had it all figured out. Like most people my age, I had a plan–a timeline really–of exactly how things should go and when they should happen.

I, of course, like any good Christian girl, submitted my timeline to God. I passed Him the memo, you know, just so He could stay in the loop.

Here’s what my plan consisted of:

Graduate college at 21. Score my dream job in New York, preferably working for some type of political non-profit, making peanuts, but not caring because I was doing what I loved.  Travel the world (you know with all the money I wasn’t making). Oh, and I was going to be married by 21. That’s right upon turning 21, I would have a ring on my finger and a church booked for the big day.

My husband wasn’t going to be just any man. He was to be a very specific type of man. I had a plan, remember? And with that plan also comes a list. It was the list of qualities, characteristics, and attributes I wanted in my future husband. It was quite the checklist really. It went something like this… Continue reading Ditch Your Dating Checklist

How My Husband Leads…

Besides people writing me to ask about sex in marriage, the other topic people very often write me about is my own marriage. I have had many young people (and some older) express to me gratitude and thanks for writing so candidly about my marriage.

They have told me how reading about my marriage has encouraged them to believe in marriage for themselves and to not give up hope in thinking that God really can bring them an ideal spouse.

Along those lines, however, I often have young women ask me about the whole submission thing. They feel threatened, nervous, and defensive when it comes to discussing the topic. They seem unsure as to how they could possibly submit to a man and allow him to serve as the leader of their home.

Of course, these are two different subject and I am not going to attempt to address either of them today. Sorry. For today’s intents and purposes, I’m simply going to state that in my home, my husband is the head (if today’s comments prove titillating, I may write a separate post asking should husbands lead).

And to those women who question the thought of a man leading their home, I submit to you my very own husband. My husband leads and he leads well. His leading blesses me and our marriage as a whole. Here’s how he does it… Continue reading How My Husband Leads…

Scheduling Sex and Other Such Tales

People write me about one topic more than other: Sex. It seems that many of us aren’t having the kind of sex life we imagined we would once we were married. It seems that more of us are having a lot less sex than we ever expected.

I’ve had husbands write me confessing that they haven’t slept with their wives in a year, after having only been married for 3. I’ve had wives email me, explaining that they simply don’t feel sexual and have therefore just “let sex go.”

But where is the outcry? Where are the calls for healthier, better, and more realistic expectations for sex in marriage? I, for one, am grieved when I think of how many married couples aren’t, well, getting any.

Instead of people writing about and talking about sex in marriage from a practical standpoint, what we find more of is unhelpful banter on the subject. I recently read a post over at Stephanie Druy’s blog Stuff Christian Culture Likes (a blog I happen to thoroughly enjoy, by the way) that says scheduling sex, for instance, is a bad thing that far too many Evangelicals have latched onto in marriage.

I have to say…I couldn’t disagree more.

I’d argue that scheduling sex is one way of ensuring a great sex life. Intrigued? I bet you are. Read on, my friend, read on…

Continue reading Scheduling Sex and Other Such Tales

My Life These Days…

The last few weeks I haven’t quite been myself. Well, maybe I have been, since I guess you’re almost always yourself. But what I mean is, I’ve been unmotivated, pretty stinkin’ tired, and uninterested in blogging with my usual passion and excitement (you may have noticed).

I’m sure it’s just a phase. I think. I hope anyway.

But, beyond feeling a little out of sorts, my days have been filled with laughing, screaming, impossibly wild, hopelessly wonderful, all-too-lovable children.

Life doesn’t get much better, even when life is sucking a bit.

Here’s what my life has looked like these days… Continue reading My Life These Days…

How I Met My Husband

Happy Wednesday, which also means happy He Said/She Said day. Today is the day we diverge from our usual broadcasting to talk about men and women.

In my time writing here on Modern Reject, one thing that people thank me for more than almost anything else is for talking so openly about my marriage. And more than that, people always thank me for painting a picture of a healthy, fun, rockin’, Christ-centered marriage.

I mean, occasionally I have someone tell me to quit bragging and sounding so prideful because, hey, not every marriage is awesome and I’m just pouring salt on others’ wounds. For this, I apologize, if this is the case. I never want to sound prideful, but truth be told, I am proud of my marriage.

I chose wisely and God hooked me up with an amazing man. Today, I thought I’d share the story of how I actually met my husband. Now, I know some might not be interested, but I also know that others will. I’m sharing this because I love to hear people’s love stories. They inspire me, encourage me, and bring a smile to my face.

I hope the story of how I met my husband does the same. I hope it inspires people to look for love and seek marriage. Why? Because a good–heck–amazing marriage is possible. Jonathan and I are proof.

Here’s our story…

Continue reading How I Met My Husband

20 Ways to Love Your Husband Better

If you’ve been around here before, you probably know that I love, like luuuurve, my husband. Thing is, this shouldn’t be revelatory news. I mean, us wives should love our husbands.

But stuff happens. Life happens. Kids happen. Exhaustion happens. And before we know it, many of those lovey-dovey feelings fade into the background.

We become more like roommates than spouses. More like buddies than lovers. More like co-parents than two people crazy in love.

So what’s a wife to do? Well, for starters she can figure out ways to love her husband better because doing so can actually produce more of those loving feelings. Not to mention, we should always be committed to loving and serving our spouses more intently and passionately.

With that being said, here are 20 ways to love your husband better: Continue reading 20 Ways to Love Your Husband Better

Should Women Control Their Emotions?

From the time they are born, little boys are told repeatedly to suppress their male nature. Young men are told to not hit their sisters, to not throw rocks, punch walls, nose-dive from on top of dressers. They are told to behave, and act like gentlemen, when in fact, acting like a man to a little boy is really all about how much testosterone he can expend in a given hour.

Little boys are repeatedly told to control themselves and to channel sexual aggression into other more “constructive” areas, like sports. While girls, on the there hand, are coddled and told that it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to feel (everything), it’s okay to be in touch with every emotion they experience. In the era following feminism, as well as a culture obsessed with the discussion of feelings, little girls have grown up to think nothing less.

Women begin to believe that crying is customary–that our ability to conjure up tears at the drop of a hat, for say a police officer who caught us speeding a mere 10 miles over the speed limit, is a secret weapon we can employ when necessary. We begin to believe that our emotions are not only acceptable, but womanly. Heck, we think being emotional is our right.

The problem, however, is that while men are being told to suppress their natural instincts, women are being told the opposite. But, should women control their emotions? Continue reading Should Women Control Their Emotions?

Why You Should Get Married

While at a recent family dinner, gathered around a humongous table in an obnoxious dinosaur themed restaurant, I asked the question, “Why get married?”

People get married for all kinds of reasons. Some good, some bad. Some beneficial, some harmful.

The obvious answer to “why get married?” is because you’re in love and stuff. I’m a semi-romantic, if there is such a thing, but, really? Love? I think that’s one of the least appealing reasons to get married.

Here’s why: Marriage is about, at least in the beginning, growing up and living with someone on a day-to-day basis. It’s about getting along with someone and serving them even when you don’t feel like it. It’s about commitment and steadfastness.

Sounds boring and a little painful, huh? Well, maybe on some days. But most days love and the mushy gushy feelings of love, are not going to be what keeps you content, patient, or even together. Love is of course necessary. It is the underlying current but not the sole motivator.

I was wondering, why did I get married? I am not trying to sound like a Tyler Perry movie..I’m just asking. I mean, I loved Jonathan at the time. But I had been in love before and hadn’t gotten married then. I’d even dated someone that I wanted to marry before Jonathan but didn’t marry him.

I realized there were a few reasons I got married. Continue reading Why You Should Get Married

Who Should Do More Housework? Men or Women?

Before getting married, I never imagined I would be buried alive in piles of laundry and perpetually cleaning each and every surface of my house. I never daydreamed about scrubbing toilets or washing windows and yet here I am, a regular Cinderella ( I can hear the little mice singing. Blame it on the fact that I have a 5 year old daughter).

Yet, I also never imagined exactly what kind of balance with my husband there would be in terms of house work, either. All of this lack of daydreaming, is because I never really thought of getting married, so I naturally didn’t consider who would take out the trash and who wouldn’t.

But, as anyone who is married knows, inevitably, these chores or duties get doled out. Suddenly, one task becomes someones job, like it or not. Right? And more than that, isn’t is usually women who take on the majority of the housework?

And I don’t pull the “that isn’t fair” card very often, but allow me to right now. Is it fair for women to do more housework? Or should chores be equally distributed among men?

I can’t speak for everyone, but, here’s how it works in my marriage… Continue reading Who Should Do More Housework? Men or Women?

The Thing I Hate Most in Marriage

There is so much to love about marriage. If you frequent this blog, (which I hope you do ’cause I think it’s pretty awesome) you have no doubt read some of the mushy-gushy things my husband and I have to say about one another.

I think marriage is bliss. I think more people should be married and, of course, stay married.

On the flip side of that coin, however, there is something I hate in marriage. This particular action makes me visibly agitated and uncomfortable. I also think this thing is one of the most destructive behaviors within marriage.

So, what am I talking about? Continue reading The Thing I Hate Most in Marriage