A Letter to Rick Warren

Dear Mr. Rick Warren,

Although you don’t know me and I am just one of thousands of people who have reached out to you following the tragic loss of your son, please know that I count you as a brother in Christ.

You are my family, bound by the blood of Jesus, separated only by time, destined to spend eternity together worshipping the Most High.

And as my family, when you grieve, I grieve. My heart breaks and aches for the loss you experienced and the pain you must now endure. I look at my own children and hold them closer, knowing that they are not truly mine. They belong to the Lord.  And God, in His remarkable love and kindness, entrusts us with these gifts. We are honored to shepherd them, for His namesake.

I desire to encourage you too, in the love, dedication, commitment, and hope you seemed to have displayed towards Matthew. On never giving up on him, on never surrendering, on continuing to stand in the gap, on trusting the Lord with your dear son.

The road of mental illness is often a long, winding, dark, and treacherous one. Even as Christ shines His light, the road remains cloaked in shadows of the unknown.

And nothing, absolutely nothing you did or did not do, allowed this tragedy to take place. Continue reading A Letter to Rick Warren

The End of Bible Studies and What Jesus Really Looks Like

For years, my daughter had attended a Friday night small group at my in-laws house, while Jonathan and I would sneak off to enjoy our coveted date night. Riley would be scooped up onto her grandmother’s lap, raise her hands in worship, open her little kid Bible, and listen quietly as a group of twenty-somethings would exalt Christ.

My daughter began to refer to this meeting as “Bible study” and she looked forward to going each week. From the age of 2 until almost 6, she attended this small group and I can only imagine how much she gleamed in that time.

But as our family was re-directed by the Lord to leave traditional church and set about starting an organic church, both mine and Jonathan’s language had to change…and so did Riley’s. Each Saturday, our home is filled with 25 adults and almost as many children, where we gather corporately to worship Jesus.

Riley would geek out each Saturday morning, as the extrovert in her could hardly stand the few hours that had to pass before her church family arrived. “I can’t wait for Bible study!” she would yell.

Jonathan and I realized that we needed to correct her language, just as the Lord had corrected ours. This is not Bible study, we told her. This is church. We are the church. This is a family and this is our corporate gathering–where we all come together. But you, and your brother, and mom and dad, and any and everyone who loves Jesus is “The Church.” How cool is that….?

Perhaps it seems a small thing too. The very concept has become so trendy now: “We are the church.” But tell this to a six-year old who loves Jesus and watch it become meaningful and powerful once again.

But I won’t lie, I’m still grappling with this—still trying to grow in discernment of what it really means to be the Body. Continue reading The End of Bible Studies and What Jesus Really Looks Like

Why I Haven’t Been Writing…

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4

I don’t remember a time without pain. It seems that pain has always known me, having found me so young, so soon. Now, I’m not talking about the suffering most of us experience in life–loss, heartache, betrayal and the like (although I have known each of these, as well).

It’s not the pain of life I’m talking about, however. It is physical pain, the searing hurt that shocks your nerves and dulls all other senses. The kind of pain that leaves you unable to speak, dream, or even love for a time because how could you…how can you love as fully as you’d like when your body is not your own? When it has been taken hostage by an enemy.

Pain so real and so unwelcome that you live life as a muted version of yourself–lifeless, colorless, often hopeless.

A little over a month ago, I awoke to the familiar pain I have known since childhood. I have always had migraines, my weekly companion, but this particular morning I awoke to something much more fierce and unforgiving. Continue reading Why I Haven’t Been Writing…

Your Bag of Stinking Sin

Did you know that you don’t actually own your sin anymore? Jesus does. It’s not yours.

If I walked into a store and you were selling a bag of manure and I bought it from you, well, that manure would be mine. That bag of sh*t, literally. And for no reason would you attempt to buy back that bag of crap. Why would you? For what purpose? To once again have it strapped to your back, reeking and soiled, putrid and profane…

Because, I now own it–bought and paid. I can do with it what I please and you can no longer make any claims over the bag’s contents.

But what we so often do, is let Jesus buy our bag of manure–our sin, our past, our shame, our regret–and then we secretly act as though we still own it. Continue reading Your Bag of Stinking Sin

Our Ugly Jesus

When you imagine Jesus, what do you see? A man with a lovely shining face, long flowing hair, and a winning smile? Is your Jesus sun-kissed and bronzed, not quite Middle-Eastern and not quite Caucasian? A perfectly handsome, approachable, and even Western looking man?

We’ve all seen the paintings that hang on church walls and in elderly ladies homes–Jesus in His traditional white robe, surrounded by lambs and children, whilst His long dark hair blows softly in the wind.

But, is this really Jesus?

Was the Son of Man really a mix of a Ken doll and Romeo? Probably not. Many Bible scholars actually believe (and not that they are always right) Jesus was, in fact, ugly.

Yes…our ugly Savior. And so what if He was ugly, what does that matter?

Actually, it matters a lot… Continue reading Our Ugly Jesus

Friday Findings: Suicide, Body Image, and Not Being Ashamed

Frieday Findings on Modern RejectHoly crap, you guys…did you realize that it has been over 3 months since I’ve written a Friday Findings post? Of course you didn’t. I didn’t either. But, their baaaaacckkkk….

[Time to get excited.] Let’s pretend it’s Friday, shall we? I’m a little excited myself.

So, in honor of the newly resurrected Friday Findings, I’m switching things up a bit. Yes, you’ll still find the usual amazing, poignant, and yet simultaneously trivial links to the random stuff I like. But I will also be adding a few extra goodies:

From now on, each Friday I’ll be sharing with you my Favorite Blog Comment of the Week and Tweet of the Week. That means if you leave some uproarious, or deeply touching, or painfully brilliant comment on the blog, I’ll share it here on Friday Findings. I’ll also send you a virtual hug and fist pump. Score! Same goes for the best tweet of the week.

Which means if you don’t comment on MR or follow me on Twitter, you can’t win. And yes, it’s a contest. And yes, you know you want to win. So get on it.

Now onto the links and stuff:

Did this really happen? I cannot imagine the terror, but I can imagine it making a suh-weet Hollywood flick staring Ryan Gosling.

Oh, Frank. You can do no wrong. And this series on rethinking spiritual gifts is about as good as it gets. Read it and be challenged.

This is an oldie, but goodie from Carlos Whitaker about “professional church people.” My thoughts exactly.

My friend Arianne recently launched her exquisite beauty of a new site called Mabel + Riv. It is just about the prettiest thing around and not only that, it is filled with the depth, richness, and perfection of Arianne’s words. Go now and be happy you did.

I almost committed suicide, but…A reminder (for me mostly) that God can use any person, any church, anything to offer hope.

Brilliance and one of the best articles I’ve ever read about women and body image issues.

All writers lie and they are especially good at lying to themselves.

How to overcome a creative block, from Alice Bradley, one of the funniest and wittiest writers around.

My Favorite Read of the Week: from Rachel Held Evans and happens to be my favorite thing she has ever written. Truly.

Comment of the Week: From Gunnar “This was epically awesome.” Well, thank you.

Tweet of the Week: Didn’t really have one, so get on it already.

And a super big thanks for helping Modern Reject land on the Church Relevance Top 200 Ministry Blogs list for the 3rd time in a row! You rock!

Whatcha got to share with me?

My Expectation-Free Marriage

Recently, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of women about expectations in marriage. Some were married, a few were engaged, but most were single.

I had to admit to them that I had very few expectations when I got married. I had never been the girl who dreamed about being a wife or having a husband. I knew what marriage looked like when I was growing up and was certain I wanted no part.

So, I imagine that when it came time for me to say “I do,” I had been so set free by God from my former ideas about matrimony that I was essentially a clean slate. Can you imagine? A bride with no expectations?

Well, it should go without saying that being an expectation-free wife had a huge impact on my marriage and not in the way you might think. Continue reading My Expectation-Free Marriage

What Would You Do if Your Church Building Was Gone?

If the Church could do nothing, but only one thing to survive, I would suggest that discipleship would be it. Discipleship–disciples, who make disciples, who make disciples–is, I believe, the primary vehicle through which God desires to win men.

Our Jesus discipled from the onset of His ministry. He didn’t only disciple His core 12 that we know so well, but He discipled many others along the way. Jesus knew and understood the importance of empowering the individual believer to be equipped to lead others to Himself.

He knew that He was leaving and that the Church would need to grow, through individual men and the Holy Spirit. But, today however, so many of us rely on our church buildings, pastors, programs, services, and the like to “empower” us to make disciples.

Here is the fundamental question: If your church building were stripped away and your pastor quit preaching from the pulpit, would YOU be able to lead, teach, and bring others to the Lord?

Francis Chan on Politics from Nate Hanson on Vimeo.

 Please share your thoughts on the question I posed above, as well as responses to this video. Do you make disciples? Would you be prepared to do so if the church as we know it changed dramatically?

Your TV Binge Obsession

The New York Times recently wrote an article about the new(ish) phenomenon of folks preferring to watch their T.V. shows in one chunk these days. You know, no more one-episode-a-week-like-the-olden-days. We seem to like choking it all down in one crazy marathon.

I have to admit, I have binged on quite a few T.V shows in my day. My first ever T.V. binge was 24. Come on, you know you love some Kiefer. I had just gotten married and quickly found out I was pregnant too. I had no idea how miserably sick being pregnant can make you. How generally you just feel like you ate 23 tins of sardines, got on a roller coaster, and then were struck with influenza. every.day.

So, in true newlywed/pregnant/twenty-something fashion Jonathan would drag an extra queen sized mattress we happened to have (random, I know) out to the T.V. where we would lay like vegetables and binge on 24.

And it was awesome. Hour after hour of Kiefer, carrying his man bag, hunting down dangerous criminals, never stopping to take a bathroom break or to eat a croissant. Just action. Cheesy, adrenaline pumping, addicting action.

Since our 24 binging days, Jonathan and I have had a few other T.V. marathon obsessions like Breaking Bad and Lost (until we caught up and had to watch it on once a week like everyone else), Mad Men (for a brief minute until I decided it didn’t have one redeeming character), and the epic Friday Night Lights (clear eyes!).

I like a good punch in the face of 13 episodes all at once. What about you?

Have you ever had a T.V. show binge obsession? What is your current fave on T.V.? If you had to choose, movies or. T.V.?

Sex, Shame, and Jesus in the Bedroom

Today, I have the privilege of sharing a very personal and intimate story at Prodigal Magazine. It is a story close to my heart and still tender. So tender, in fact, I almost didn’t want to write it, but felt that it was time.

Here’s a taste:

Once married, I spoke about sex with jaded and jagged words. I hated to call it “love-making” because the inner lies told me it had nothing to do with love. My past sin told me sex was just a physical act to be dabbled in casually and carefree. I could enter into a place of pleasure for brief moments, but only through prayer and petition, when I was able to escape all the lies I had once been told about sex–what it is and what it is not.

My shame and old life wanted to tell me that I was unworthy of a healthy sex life. That, somehow, by not waiting until marriage, I had forfeited the right to enjoy the beauty and splendor of it now.

And for a long time, I believed those lies. For too long, I allowed my past to rob me of my now and present. I let what once was determine what could be. But thankfully, Jesus does not.

Please join me over at Prodigal to read more. I’d love to read any thoughts, reactions, and your own stories of overcoming shame and battling lies about sex. I hope to see you there.