Sex, Shame, and Jesus in the Bedroom

Today, I have the privilege of sharing a very personal and intimate story at Prodigal Magazine. It is a story close to my heart and still tender. So tender, in fact, I almost didn’t want to write it, but felt that it was time.

Here’s a taste:

Once married, I spoke about sex with jaded and jagged words. I hated to call it “love-making” because the inner lies told me it had nothing to do with love. My past sin told me sex was just a physical act to be dabbled in casually and carefree. I could enter into a place of pleasure for brief moments, but only through prayer and petition, when I was able to escape all the lies I had once been told about sex–what it is and what it is not.

My shame and old life wanted to tell me that I was unworthy of a healthy sex life. That, somehow, by not waiting until marriage, I had forfeited the right to enjoy the beauty and splendor of it now.

And for a long time, I believed those lies. For too long, I allowed my past to rob me of my now and present. I let what once was determine what could be. But thankfully, Jesus does not.

Please join me over at Prodigal to read more. I’d love to read any thoughts, reactions, and your own stories of overcoming shame and battling lies about sex. I hope to see you there.

 

My Imperfect Jesus

Today, I’m over at Grace Biskie’s blog, Gabbing with Grace. I admit, I’m a little embarrassed that I’ve yet to introduce you to Grace. If you don’t already know her, you’re missing out. I’m excited to be featured on her blog today.

Here’s a taste:

My Imperfect Jesus

No one told me and how could they have known. I didn’t even know to ask. When the man on the stage began speaking about a changed life, a transformed life, and a forgiving God, how could I have known?

I couldn’t of. So, I did what any longing, seeking teenager would do. I said “yes.” I said yes to this Jesus that was being preached, expecting it to change my life, but unaware of how or even why.

What I expected though, if I’m being honest, was ease. I suppose on some level, I anticipated that a life spent serving Jesus would be a pain-free life, or at the very least, an easy life.

But, I didn’t know the truth of this and no one told me then.

To read more, please join me over at Grace’s blog today. Hope to see you there.

#1 and #2 of the Top 10 Modern Reject Posts of 2012

I’ve been a little behind on posting these, so I combined the last two posts so we could get this countdown over with already. Hope you don’t mind…I’m sure you don’t.

As an aside, what were your favorite Modern Reject posts of 2012? Or any posts on any blog for that matter?

Mark Driscoll is My New Best Friend

In general, I like to avoid writing about divisive people. I find no joy or profit to be had in writing about someone with whom I theologically or fundamentally disagree. I don’t like to pick fights, as it were. And, as I’ve said before, I never want to stir up controversy for controversy’s sake (despite what some might believe).

But recent events have driven me to take notice. What I once shrugged off as Christian banter, I now recognize as something much more. I now know that Mark Driscoll has a lot of enemies, those who would desire to see him fail, be fired, or worse. And well, I just wanted to let Mark Driscoll know that he is my new best friend. You see…

I’ve begun to grow increasingly tired of all of the Driscoll bashing, hating, belittling, and finger-pointing. It seems as though every time I set out to read a blog or scan my feeds, there appears yet another target on Driscoll’s back.

To Read More, Click HERE

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6 Lies We Believe About the Church

One hundred religious persons knit into a unity by careful organization do not constitute a church any more than eleven dead men make a football team. The first requisite is life, always.“- A. W. Tozer

1. Church is optional. Ah, the lone believer, hell-bent on staying out of a church community for one reason or another. They were burned, chastised, or mistreated. And I get it. I, too, was a solo “Christian” trying to call a 5-minute quiet time and a snippet of scripture “church.” I know what it is to be community-less and long for (but never actually believe it could happen) a spiritual family, where brethren would lay down their life for one another–reminiscent of the book of Acts.

Oh yeah, but then, through a series of painful life-altering events (another post for another time), I came to see that church was not optional because, I was, in fact, the church. When scripture refers to the church as “the house of God,” “the Body of Christ,” “Christ’s bride,” it is referencing a people. Theekklesia, in Greek. It is not a place or a building, which leads me to…

To Read More, Click HERE

#3 of the Top 10 Modern Reject Posts of 2012

This post was written by my talented and obviously perceptive cousin, Ryan. He nailed this post about young women and their often misplaced and unhealthy adoration of the wrong types of men. This post proved to be insanely popular in 2012 from both men and women alike.

Women Who Idolize the Wrong Men

Lately, I have noticed a trend among college women and especially Christian college women. I see this trend as a cancer in the church that desperately needs to be cut out before it kills a generation of men and women…

For generations it has been expressed that men are the ones who deal with issues of lust and desire. Yet, with the modern day movie and music star, I believe that our women are being greatly affected by society’s lies of what they should be looking for in a man. I believe that this issue has been buried so deep that we often do not even see it as an issue.

Have you ever been with a group of women and listened to them talk about how they are “in love” with their favorite movie star? Or how they are going to watch their “boyfriend” on the big screen? Do you know women who talk non-stop about the men they idolize and how great it would be if they could just be married to them?

To Read More, Click HERE

#5 & #4 of the Top 10 Modern Reject Posts of 2012

I loved writing these two posts and have loved seeing how much people have shared them with their own spouses. It’s encouraging to know husbands and wives are interested in continuing to create and cultivate healthy, respectful, and fun marriages.

20 Ways to Love Your Husband Better

If you’ve been around here before, you probably know that I love, like luuuurve, my husband. Thing is, this shouldn’t be revelatory news. I mean, us wives should love our husbands.

But stuff happens. Life happens. Kids happen. Exhaustion happens. And before we know it, many of those lovey-dovey feelings fade into the background.

We become more like roommates than spouses. More like buddies than lovers. More like co-parents than two people crazy in love.

So what’s a wife to do?

To Keep Reading, Click HERE

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20 Ways to Love Your Husband Better

Last week, I shared a few ideas on how wives can love their husbands better. Well today, it’s the gentleman’s turn. That’s right fellas.

I know you husbands and even soon-to-be-husbands love your wives, but there are always ways in which we can show even greater love to our spouse.

Some of the things on this list are even things my husband does for me to show me just how much he cares. And I gotta say, I’ve got a great husband. So take heed.

To Keep Reading, Click HERE

#6 of the Top 10 Modern Reject Posts of 2012

I was hesitant to write this post, only because I am always reluctant to write about my personal life. Silly, I know, since the bloggers I personally enjoy and read the most, regularly let readers inside of their lives.

I battle feeling self-indulgent or appearing to be arrogant or haughty. I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging, which I’ve been accused of doing.

So, when I wrote this post I didn’t feel like it would matter much. And to be honest, when it was posted, it successful in terms of comments, shares, or traffic. But, this little bad boy grew legs and has generated a ton of online search traffic, landing it on the Top 10 of 2012. Looks like people really want to know how to find a spouse after all.

How I Met My Husband

In my time writing here on Modern Reject, one thing that people thank me for more than almost anything else is for talking so openly about my marriage. And more than that, people always thank me for painting a picture of a healthy, fun, rockin’, Christ-centered marriage.

I mean, occasionally I have someone tell me to quit bragging and sounding so prideful because, hey, not every marriage is awesome and I’m just pouring salt on others’ wounds. For this, I apologize, if this is the case. I never want to sound prideful, but truth be told, I am proud of my marriage.

I chose wisely and God hooked me up with an amazing man. Today, I thought I’d share the story of how I actually met my husband. Now, I know some might not be interested, but I also know that others will. I’m sharing this because I love to hear people’s love stories. They inspire me, encourage me, and bring a smile to my face.

I hope the story of how I met my husband does the same.

To Read More, Click HERE

#8 of the Top 10 Modern Reject Posts of 2012

Usually, when I sit down to write something, when it’s all said and done I feel okay about it. Not great. Not rad. Just so-so. Rarely, in fact, do I ever finish a post and think to myself “Good one, Nicole.” After writing this post, though, I felt satisfied. Actually, it was probably one of my favorites of this year.

And, it seems, many of you felt the same. So, thank you. [sniffle, tear]

What God Will Never Ask You

It’s inevitable–we’re all going to die. There, I said it. And now that I’ve started off this post on a happy note…

Since we know we’re going to die, then it goes without saying, we will assuredly stand before God in that lovely little thing called Judgement.

Now, I’m not heaven-minded. I don’t tend to have what they call an “eternal perspective.” I’m pretty much a today-is-the-day-kind- of-girl. But I know that much of what consumes me, what consumes us ad nauseam, is not what the Lord is consumed with. He is consumed with love. Heck, He is an all consuming fire (Hebrew 12:29).

Yet, when we consider these things, and I mean really consider them, perhaps we would think of Judgement a bit differently. When we are standing before God and we are asked to give an account of our life, what will He ask us? I doubt He will pose many questions regarding the things we find so pressing today.

Now, I’m not entirely sure. I’m just taking a guess here, but I’m pretty sure…

To Keep Reading, Click HERE

#9 of the Top 10 Modern Reject Posts of 2012

When I wrote this post, I had no idea so many women felt the same. I had no idea that so many women were just as disillusioned and turned off by women’s ministry.

I also found myself convicted, however, in realizing that it is not enough to just complain about something. If I’m going to air grievances and share hurts, I also have to be willing to do something about it and allow God to lead me forward.

Since writing this post, I have watched the Lord heal up old wounds and bring abut new relationships with women that have ofered me new hope. If you once felt I way I did, I pray the same for you.

Why I Don’t Like Women’s Ministry

I have some kind of adverse reaction to all things “womanly,” meaning all things related to women’s ministry. If I take it a step further, I really mean all things Christian and women.

…Things like scrapbooking, play dates, girls night out, quilted Bible covers, any mention of the Proverbs 31 woman, Beth Moore, touchy-feely-ness, emotions, and Christian romance novels. Eek!

Now don’t get me wrong, individually, I have secretly (and even occasionally, publicly) enjoyed many of these things, but that doesn’t change the fact that they also simultaneously make my skin crawl.

For a long time, I used to believe that I was just born a bit of a rebel. I can remember as a child naturally questioning authority. I never just took someone’s word for it.

To Keep Reading, Click HERE

#10 of the Top 10 Modern Reject Posts of 2012

As has become my end of year tradition here on Modern Reject, I am taking the last few days of December off to spend time with my friends and family (and to gorge myself on frosted sugar cookies and eggnog, obviously).

But, it has also become tradition to countdown to the new year by sharing the Top 10 Modern Reject Posts–in this case–of 2012. If they are posts you’ve previously read, perhaps you’ll love re-reading them. Or maybe you missed them on the first go around, so here is your chance to catch up.

Either way, I hope you enjoy and I’ll see you back here the first week of January.

God is Good…Blah, Blah, Blah…

The other day, I was relating a story to my husband about something great God had done. “Yeah, and then God did this and then He did that. He healed them. He saved them! It was awesome. You know, God is good. Blah, blah, blah.”

My husband immediately caught my slip and burst out laughing. “God is good. Blah, blah, blah?” he asked.

I hadn’t even realized I’d said it, but I had meant it. I had be re-telling a story about God’s awesomeness, His power, His redemption and I just reduced His goodness to “blah, blah, blah.”

And the thing is, I think I do this more than I’d like to admit–downplaying God’s attributes. But why? Well, isn’t it obvious?

To keep reading, click HERE.

Friday Findings: Sucky Christians, Baptism, and Single Ladies

Frieday Findings on Modern RejectOh man, after an almost two week hiatus, I was back this week and it felt guuud. I missed things around here, like you. Yeah, you.

I was also internet-less because I was computer-less so I wasn’t able to keep up with all of my favorite blogs. Today, however, I’m making up for it. I hope you enjoy this week’s Friday Findings because they are juicy and delicious…

This is the stuff that breaks my heart–when Christians have a bad name.

Have you ever had questions about what it means to be “baptized in the Holy Spirit?” This 4 part series from Frank Viola pretty much blew my mind and radically challenged my thinking and understanding of this idea.

Did you hear that the kid from the show Two and a Half Men is now a Christian…and get this…is telling people to stop watching his immoral, depraved, and generally sucky television show? Golden.

Why Rachel Held Evans Won’t Change Christianity from Daylight Atheism. I pretty much disagree with the arguments made regarding the why and how of patriarchy in Christianity–in this case, primarily Catholicism (but I do agree that no, Rachel Held Evans isn’t going to change Christianity). A good read whether you agree or disagree.

For those of us who grew up in chaos, surrounded by abuse, or battled a life of dysfunction–read this and thank Elizabeth Esther for offering such grace and freedom.

The 10 Ten People Christians are Better Than. Wish I had written it…

How Not to Help All the Single Ladies. Yes!

Read of the Week: Lately, I’ve been questioning the effectiveness of my prayers. I feel as though I pray for myself and…nada, zip, zilch. My totally amazing and faithful friends have assured me that this is not the case–that my prayers hold power and authority. All that to say, this post from Bianca Juarez this week was such a needed reminder. I was convicted and inspired.

Okay, your turn. Share away. I mean, don’t share too much so that you’re all creepy and uber-open ’cause no one likes that (I mean, I do, but you know). Just tell me what you read, or loved, or loathed this week.