How to Fight in Marriage

Look, I’m gonna be honest and please don’t hate me, but Jonathan and I rarely fight. I think I can count on one hand the number of times we have really “fought,” and that is simply amazing for over 7 years of marriage.

So, now that I sound like the biggest marriage-bragger-snob-lady-ever, let me also say that I know that we are a rarity and more often than not, most couples argue on occasion. And sometimes, just sometimes, a good fight is necessary in marriage.

I also admit, that when Jonathan and I do have a battle royale, we have rules. That’s right. There are rules of engagement, which have become the parameters for our “fighting.”

Rules for fighting help, and can prevent scuffles from turning into winner-takes-all-death-matches. Here’s how we fight. First up… Continue reading How to Fight in Marriage

The Biggest Lie I Believe About God

Here’s what I know:

My past does not determine my future. In the economy of God, what I have done does not determine what I will do. Under Jesus Christ, my past holds no power and my future is filled with freedom.

That is what I know. But, what I know and what I believe are two very different things.

I’ve been known to be really good at dishing out advice to others, only to turn around and question whether the same thing holds true for myself.

I can tell a friend all day long, “God is good. He loves you. He is for you.” And I mean it. And I believe it. I could sell that line all day long.

But, as soon as my own difficulty comes, I immediately assume that those same truths don’t apply to me. Intellectually, I know they are true, but emotionally I doubt. Basically, I throw rationale out the window. Oh, and reason, and truth, and wisdom…blah, blah, blah… Continue reading The Biggest Lie I Believe About God

My One Word for the Year

So, you may know that I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I find them to be a big fat waste of time–like watching 15 straight hours of Top Chef over the holiday season, which I did not do, by the way (or did I?).

Resolutions are just our way of saying, “Here’s where I sucked last year, so let me make a list so I can suck again this year.” No thank you. I’m set.

Sure, I make goals, but only because my uber-driven, easily organized, and eternally enthusiastic husband makes me. He forces me to get all reflective (which I hate), and introspective (which I hate even more) about the past year. It kills me…in a good way, but still.

One thing I do practice every single January, however, is choosing one word for the year. Now, it seems that the whole “choose one word,” thing has become annoyingly popular, *ahem* I mean, trendy, which like any good reject makes me want to stop doing it altogether. But, I’m holding fast to knowing that I started choosing a word for the year, years ago, so I count myself a trend setter–not a follower.

(Now, that I’ve got that out of the way). Follow me? he he…

Yes. You should follow me in this whole choose one word idea because, well, it’s really cool (and kinda not-so-cool, but I’ll get to that part). Here’s why…

Because I don’t actually pick the word. God does. Continue reading My One Word for the Year

#1 and #2 of the Top 10 Modern Reject Posts of 2012

I’ve been a little behind on posting these, so I combined the last two posts so we could get this countdown over with already. Hope you don’t mind…I’m sure you don’t.

As an aside, what were your favorite Modern Reject posts of 2012? Or any posts on any blog for that matter?

Mark Driscoll is My New Best Friend

In general, I like to avoid writing about divisive people. I find no joy or profit to be had in writing about someone with whom I theologically or fundamentally disagree. I don’t like to pick fights, as it were. And, as I’ve said before, I never want to stir up controversy for controversy’s sake (despite what some might believe).

But recent events have driven me to take notice. What I once shrugged off as Christian banter, I now recognize as something much more. I now know that Mark Driscoll has a lot of enemies, those who would desire to see him fail, be fired, or worse. And well, I just wanted to let Mark Driscoll know that he is my new best friend. You see…

I’ve begun to grow increasingly tired of all of the Driscoll bashing, hating, belittling, and finger-pointing. It seems as though every time I set out to read a blog or scan my feeds, there appears yet another target on Driscoll’s back.

To Read More, Click HERE


6 Lies We Believe About the Church

One hundred religious persons knit into a unity by careful organization do not constitute a church any more than eleven dead men make a football team. The first requisite is life, always.“- A. W. Tozer

1. Church is optional. Ah, the lone believer, hell-bent on staying out of a church community for one reason or another. They were burned, chastised, or mistreated. And I get it. I, too, was a solo “Christian” trying to call a 5-minute quiet time and a snippet of scripture “church.” I know what it is to be community-less and long for (but never actually believe it could happen) a spiritual family, where brethren would lay down their life for one another–reminiscent of the book of Acts.

Oh yeah, but then, through a series of painful life-altering events (another post for another time), I came to see that church was not optional because, I was, in fact, the church. When scripture refers to the church as “the house of God,” “the Body of Christ,” “Christ’s bride,” it is referencing a people. Theekklesia, in Greek. It is not a place or a building, which leads me to…

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#3 of the Top 10 Modern Reject Posts of 2012

This post was written by my talented and obviously perceptive cousin, Ryan. He nailed this post about young women and their often misplaced and unhealthy adoration of the wrong types of men. This post proved to be insanely popular in 2012 from both men and women alike.

Women Who Idolize the Wrong Men

Lately, I have noticed a trend among college women and especially Christian college women. I see this trend as a cancer in the church that desperately needs to be cut out before it kills a generation of men and women…

For generations it has been expressed that men are the ones who deal with issues of lust and desire. Yet, with the modern day movie and music star, I believe that our women are being greatly affected by society’s lies of what they should be looking for in a man. I believe that this issue has been buried so deep that we often do not even see it as an issue.

Have you ever been with a group of women and listened to them talk about how they are “in love” with their favorite movie star? Or how they are going to watch their “boyfriend” on the big screen? Do you know women who talk non-stop about the men they idolize and how great it would be if they could just be married to them?

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#5 & #4 of the Top 10 Modern Reject Posts of 2012

I loved writing these two posts and have loved seeing how much people have shared them with their own spouses. It’s encouraging to know husbands and wives are interested in continuing to create and cultivate healthy, respectful, and fun marriages.

20 Ways to Love Your Husband Better

If you’ve been around here before, you probably know that I love, like luuuurve, my husband. Thing is, this shouldn’t be revelatory news. I mean, us wives should love our husbands.

But stuff happens. Life happens. Kids happen. Exhaustion happens. And before we know it, many of those lovey-dovey feelings fade into the background.

We become more like roommates than spouses. More like buddies than lovers. More like co-parents than two people crazy in love.

So what’s a wife to do?

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20 Ways to Love Your Husband Better

Last week, I shared a few ideas on how wives can love their husbands better. Well today, it’s the gentleman’s turn. That’s right fellas.

I know you husbands and even soon-to-be-husbands love your wives, but there are always ways in which we can show even greater love to our spouse.

Some of the things on this list are even things my husband does for me to show me just how much he cares. And I gotta say, I’ve got a great husband. So take heed.

To Keep Reading, Click HERE

#6 of the Top 10 Modern Reject Posts of 2012

I was hesitant to write this post, only because I am always reluctant to write about my personal life. Silly, I know, since the bloggers I personally enjoy and read the most, regularly let readers inside of their lives.

I battle feeling self-indulgent or appearing to be arrogant or haughty. I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging, which I’ve been accused of doing.

So, when I wrote this post I didn’t feel like it would matter much. And to be honest, when it was posted, it successful in terms of comments, shares, or traffic. But, this little bad boy grew legs and has generated a ton of online search traffic, landing it on the Top 10 of 2012. Looks like people really want to know how to find a spouse after all.

How I Met My Husband

In my time writing here on Modern Reject, one thing that people thank me for more than almost anything else is for talking so openly about my marriage. And more than that, people always thank me for painting a picture of a healthy, fun, rockin’, Christ-centered marriage.

I mean, occasionally I have someone tell me to quit bragging and sounding so prideful because, hey, not every marriage is awesome and I’m just pouring salt on others’ wounds. For this, I apologize, if this is the case. I never want to sound prideful, but truth be told, I am proud of my marriage.

I chose wisely and God hooked me up with an amazing man. Today, I thought I’d share the story of how I actually met my husband. Now, I know some might not be interested, but I also know that others will. I’m sharing this because I love to hear people’s love stories. They inspire me, encourage me, and bring a smile to my face.

I hope the story of how I met my husband does the same.

To Read More, Click HERE

#7 of the Top 10 Modern Reject Posts of 2012

This posts stands as the only one I have written about homosexuality. Some of you agreed with me and others thought that I should have come out with a clear and definitive stance on the issue of homosexuality.

And while it may sound like a cop-out, I haven’t felt like I’ve needed to do so. I obviously have an opinion and position on homosexuality, but not one that I’ve felt was necessary to articulate (at least not right now).  This post was what I felt the Spirit leading me to write and so I did.

Homosexuality and Where the Church Has Failed

I feel like I’ve backed myself into a corner. I feel like I’ve created a monster, wherein I casually debate hot-button or controversial issues on this blog, and thus people are expecting me to feed that monster. Truth be told, I don’t want to feed it. I want it to slither back into its cave and leave me alone.

But it’s not going anywhere.

I’ve debated in my mind over and over again about how, and if, I should address the issue of homosexuality and gay-marriage on this blog. I’ve had people write me and ask that I do. I have friends, whom I love, that daily struggle with this issue in personal and profound ways.

My knee-jerk reaction has been to write a divisive, controversial, button-pushing post on the subject, clearly articulating my views, and simultaneously pulverizing the opposition. I felt certain that if I did, it would cause a ruckus, but I felt ready for that response…or so I thought.

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#8 of the Top 10 Modern Reject Posts of 2012

Usually, when I sit down to write something, when it’s all said and done I feel okay about it. Not great. Not rad. Just so-so. Rarely, in fact, do I ever finish a post and think to myself “Good one, Nicole.” After writing this post, though, I felt satisfied. Actually, it was probably one of my favorites of this year.

And, it seems, many of you felt the same. So, thank you. [sniffle, tear]

What God Will Never Ask You

It’s inevitable–we’re all going to die. There, I said it. And now that I’ve started off this post on a happy note…

Since we know we’re going to die, then it goes without saying, we will assuredly stand before God in that lovely little thing called Judgement.

Now, I’m not heaven-minded. I don’t tend to have what they call an “eternal perspective.” I’m pretty much a today-is-the-day-kind- of-girl. But I know that much of what consumes me, what consumes us ad nauseam, is not what the Lord is consumed with. He is consumed with love. Heck, He is an all consuming fire (Hebrew 12:29).

Yet, when we consider these things, and I mean really consider them, perhaps we would think of Judgement a bit differently. When we are standing before God and we are asked to give an account of our life, what will He ask us? I doubt He will pose many questions regarding the things we find so pressing today.

Now, I’m not entirely sure. I’m just taking a guess here, but I’m pretty sure…

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#9 of the Top 10 Modern Reject Posts of 2012

When I wrote this post, I had no idea so many women felt the same. I had no idea that so many women were just as disillusioned and turned off by women’s ministry.

I also found myself convicted, however, in realizing that it is not enough to just complain about something. If I’m going to air grievances and share hurts, I also have to be willing to do something about it and allow God to lead me forward.

Since writing this post, I have watched the Lord heal up old wounds and bring abut new relationships with women that have ofered me new hope. If you once felt I way I did, I pray the same for you.

Why I Don’t Like Women’s Ministry

I have some kind of adverse reaction to all things “womanly,” meaning all things related to women’s ministry. If I take it a step further, I really mean all things Christian and women.

…Things like scrapbooking, play dates, girls night out, quilted Bible covers, any mention of the Proverbs 31 woman, Beth Moore, touchy-feely-ness, emotions, and Christian romance novels. Eek!

Now don’t get me wrong, individually, I have secretly (and even occasionally, publicly) enjoyed many of these things, but that doesn’t change the fact that they also simultaneously make my skin crawl.

For a long time, I used to believe that I was just born a bit of a rebel. I can remember as a child naturally questioning authority. I never just took someone’s word for it.

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